The photo is of Simon and Maria in June
Fear is individual, like grieving, and there is no simple, single way for me to confront or eliminate it. I have come to see fear as a geography, a space to cross, and I cross it again and again successfully. I have come to see fear also as a hiding place, an obstacle to love, creativity, opportunity and peace of mind. Sometimes fear works for us. It keeps us from doing things we are afraid to do – find love, take risks, live our lives. If it is dangerous to listen to our own ideas about life, work, aging health (what do we know? There are so many experts anxious to take our money to tell us what to do) then we don’t have to do the things we fear, or other people tell us to fear.
We don’t have to buy the farm we don’t. Find the love we seek. Get the dog we want. Live a life with meaning beyond health care and hundreds of thousands of dollars in retirement funds. FInd the friends we need, who nourish and support us, rather than fan our fears and discourage us. Avoid the anger and victimization stories that permeate our culture. We cannot perhaps blame others for our troubles – this economy, the Republicans, the Democrats, the “left” or the “right.” Or teachers, librarians, police officers and government workers. Or blame getting older on giving up hope and promise. Or blame Wall Street. Or accept, rather than fear the weather. Or find the good news in the world. A friend whose daughter is bravely starting out on a new venture she has always dreamed of trying – she will have to borrow some money – e-mailed me. “You and I know the risks,” she said. “She might fail.” Yes, I answered. But might she succeed as well? What if the doctors are right? If you end up starving in the street? What a great place to hide is our “news.” Whenever we think of living our lives, we can always, 24/7, find good reasons to crawl back into our shells.
More and more I have come to see fear as place to hide, a comforting repository for our dreams and ambitions, a way to quench the creative spark, to move forward. Yes, but. People say. What if? Easier for you to say?
Maybe so, but the less I have managed my life in fear, the better it gets. The more I live my life, and understand why I am here. Every time. Fear, perhaps, is a good place to hide.