Darryl Kuehne called from Vermont to say Maria’s sheep – she is going to sell their wool skeins as yarn from the New Bedlam Farm – are on the way and will arrive around 3 p.m. today. Maria’s wool sheep will go into the pasture behind the farmhouse, and Darryl’s sheep – they summer here to eat our grass and let his grow into hay – will go across the road into the meadow. Maria is very excited about having her own sheep and the Big Red Dog will be excited too – he arrives next weekend and no border collie with sheep is anxious or disoriented for long. All of these creatures – us too -are going to the new farm as soon as the old one sells.
Porcelain birds are not my taste,and I cannot imagine buying any for a windowsill. Yet something about them, their relationship to one another, the colors, touched me and evoked part of the timeless and evolving life of Florence Walrath. Objects were important to her, they meant a lot to her, and she displayed them and took meticulous care of them.
So I decided to approach photographing them in this way – I saw them as being in love with one another, as having a relationship. So to me, they became beautiful in the way that Florence saw them.
I feel a strong connection to Karen Thompson, who is giving her beloved dog Red to me. Karen and I are different, and yet very much the same. We have both chosen self-determined lives, away from conventional wisdom, out of the mainstream. She is a ferocious individualist, my favorite kind of human. She is a person of great faith, and spirituality is a critical element in my life. It is probable that neither of us will have our IRA’s or bank accounts in great shape – or any shape – as we age (although my friend the Rev. Mary Muncil tells me never to say or think that). Karen and I love our lives, we love animals and she has devoted her life to them, especially border collies. I suspect we will share a great love of Red, a big-hearted working dog from Ireland looking for the next phase of his distinguished and sometimes difficult life at Bedlam Farm. No doubt about it, Red will be a book.
I know the wrenching and beautiful kind of love that means letting so of something you care about deeply. I think there is no purer love in the animals world than the recognition that a wonderful dog or cat might have a better home elsewhere as our lives change. There is this idea that you must hang onto a dog you love forever, at all costs by any means. Karen and I don’t share this feeling. I think we both see love as doing what is best for them, not us. Even when that really hurts, even when some people do not understand.
I felt this when I gave Homer, my border collie to a neighbor. And when I sent Clementine to live in Vermont with a physical therapist who shared her passion for hiking and jogging. And when Pearl went off to Brooklyn to live with my daughter Emma. I have never felt that Rose or Izzy, or Lenore or Frieda would be better off somewhere else. Our lives fit together. It doesn’t always work that way or stay that way.
All of these dogs that have gone have lived the fullest and happiest of lives, the kinds of lives I was not able to give them. I know I can give Red the life he deserves. I have lots of work for him to do – sheep out his back door – and I want him to live and be loved in the world as well. To learn how to be a companion dog. To live a full and balanced life.It will take time, love and patience. A chance for me to keep growing. If you want a great dog, you have to be a better human.
Karen is entering a new phase in her life, and accepts that with honesty and compassion. She wants Red to have what he needs. I am honored to think that so accomplished and devoted an animal lover would choose me for Red. I will do right by her and by Red. I know what she is feeling. So does Maria. And I told Karen yesterday that no animal feels unloved around Maria.
This week, Red was neutered in Virginia and as I suspected it would, that’s when it really hit Karen that he was leaving, coming to live with me. “When hearts come together focused on a beneficial mission,” this good woman wrote me this morning, “in this case the perfect home for Red, then we humans will come together united to bring fruition to Red’s destiny.” Karen added that when she picked Red up from the vet, “the reality, that he was leaving my life, set in, and my tears turned to a smile, as I reflected on you, and the life he’ll have with you and Maria.”
A beautiful sentiment from a beautiful person, and it brought to mind Rose’s final moments with me – Izzy’s too – when I said goodbye to these creatures and gave them a piece of my heart, and I told each of them that for me, love is sometimes about letting go, not about hanging on.
My friend Mandy Meyer-Hill is driving down to Virginia to pick Red up next weekend. I just can’t take the time now. And he will be here for the Farewell To Bedlam Farm Pig Barn Art Show – “Anointing The Goddess” June 23-24. Karen will be able to track Red’s new life every morning on the blog. And soon after, Karen will come to visit him at the farm, so that she can see for herself how she is doing. How grateful I am to get to know her – we spend hours yakking on the phone and every conversation is precious. She has had quite a life herself. I am as eager to get to know Red.
And my plan is this: When she sees Red’s life her, I mean to see that her tears turn to laughter and remain there.
