I’ve had all kinds of experiences with dogs, but Red is another dimension for me in the human animal bond. My wonderful dog Rose was all business, she was loyal but tough and I loved that about her. She never learned how to cuddle or was interested in. Dogs enter our lives at different times for different reasons and she was so much the dog I needed then, and that is so of Red know. When I was sick Rose would patiently went for me to get moving, she did not hang around much until work resumed.
Red has taken my sickness very seriously. At night, he usually sleeps in his crate, since I got sick he has been lying by the bedside on the floor. When I toss or turn or get up in the night, he is always awake, starting up at me. When I lie down in the daytime I let him come up onto the bed and he lies near me, watching me.
I wanted you to share what I see when I wake up, some things are better seen than described, it is healing for sure, I smile and it is comforting to reach out and touch him. Red is absolutely still he does not move or seek attention or stir in any way. He never disturbs me or reacts to my feverish mumblings or shaking and coughing.He is as serious as he is sweet and I always tell him to relax, not to worry so much. Karen Thompson that that even though Red was brutally treated in Ireland, he never stopped trusting people, and I think he has the special gift of empathy, dogs, like donkeys smell and sense our feelings, our illnesses.
I feel something coming from him, I think he is a mystical dog, a spirit dog, we are soul-connected. I am seeing firsthand -this is a great trial – how good a therapy dog he could be. I’m not sure I want to do that again, but I think Red is pulling me there, perhaps that is why he has come. Perhaps that is why I finally got Lyme Disease.
My Lyme Disease is an amazing experience, rich in feeling, an extraordinary seizure of the body, all of it really, nothing like anything I have experienced before. I was up all night shaking and soaked in sweat, shivering and shaking. Last night I could feel the antibiotics checking in, going to war with the virus that was making its way through my joints and internal organs. Lyme is like a series of internal Tsunamis, it rises and falls in waves, suddenly you are freezing, then you are hot and sweating profusely. The fever comes up and sweeps you off of your feet, shuts down your mind, sends hobgoblins rushing through your brain, whispering nasty things in your sub-conscious. It’s like a carnival ride in a way, I think of being in one of those cars, whizzing up and down through dark tunnels, listening to the echo-boosted screams and shouts, only they are coming from deep inside your head.
It is such an interesting thing – everyone I know seems to have had it or knows someone who has had it and the good people at the Hoosick Falls Family Health Center say it is epidemic now, more ticks, living longer, carrying more of the disease. Almost everyone who spends time outdoors seems to be getting it so, it is worth sharing and good to write about. People keep sending me messages telling me to rest, but to not share something as dazzling as this would be a kind of surrender, a creative death. I will have all eternity to rest. At the end, I hope to be describing it, my last blog. Not there yet though.
Last night Maria – I called her Nurse Ratchet when she yelled at me to go to bed – said she understood, this is what I do, the writer in me, the reporter in me. It is healing for me, also, believe me, much more than lying in a feverish haze.
Lyme seizes control of the body and has its own agenda. Last night the fever got down to 99 for the first time – Maria had to go buy one at the Rite-Aid, I haven’t taken one in many years and this one beeps and buzzes and presses against your forehead. My rash is going down, my head is clearing but I understand this is not an instant thing, it will take a few days before the fever goes, and the chills and sweats and sudden fatigue will continue for a bit.
I don’t give unsolicited advice to people, but I will pass along one tip: sleep near a bathroom.
Illness is the mother of narcissism, it pulls us into ourselves and enhances our own sense of suffering and victimization. But there is always a larger message in illness, in this case perhaps much bigger than us: we need to heal Mother Earth, she is sending us so many signals that she is in pain and in the Kabbalah, Gods sends his powerful angel Shekinah out to warn the world that if they don’t take care of Mother Earth, she will take care of herself and he will wreak havoc on our world. The explosion in ticks, tick bites and Lyme Disease, all believed to be related to global warning (the winters are getting so mild the ticks are not dying and many of the things that eat ticks are dying) is a piercing statement to me, and a very personal one at the moment. I will commit myself to the idea of taking care of our world, as she seems to be taking care of herself. I will do what I can, support leaders who share this concern. I keep thinking it will not get better until women rise up to lead us, I think they intuitively understand that for all of the arguing and posturing of our political leaders, there is really no bigger issue in the world than it’s survival.
A good thing about Lyme is all of the kaleidoscopic stuff going through my head – rich and colorful, a parade of light and images, painting. The first days were sort of horrific images, but my mind is getting comfortable with Lyme. The animals clearly sense something is off, they all just gather around me and are still. Red is glued to me. Last night I went out to the barn and visited with the donkeys, I needed to connect with Simon, I think he needed to connect with me. Red came along and pushed the sheep away.
People often and understandably add health issues to their lists laments, struggle stories, tales of suffering. Lyme is surely something to be reckoned with, the most powerful bug that has entered my body. It is a dichotomous thing, it is life in our world, it sucks life and away, shakes it up and down, and then, seems to spit it back. For all the horror stories people have been sending me about Lyme, most everybody seems to have recovered from it (not everyone). Lots of people were misdiagnosed or were slow to get treatment. They were not married to Maria.
I had a good experience at the Hoosick Falls Family Health Center. They were respectful of my strong commitment to holistic medicine and discomfort with tests and even praised the herbal supplements and medications I have been taking for years. Another affirmation of life for me, another reminder to cherish it, another chance to learn and get well, another chance to tell the story in words and photos, another opportunity to be creative, another chance to feel loved and cared for and to be loved and cared for. Another chance to receive the good wishes and support of this vibrant and affectionate and good-hearted community. Another gift, in an unusual package. I miss Tai Chi and will try some today.
So I will share this experience, as I have shared so many others. I have no problems turning off my devices, I do it all the time. I have no trouble turning them on either, when there is something worth saying. It is not about the medium for me but the message. This blog is my book now and Lyme is a hot new chapter.
