Maria took some wildflower seeds and threw them into this flower part and now they are beginning to grow. Flo and Minnie rarely leave the porch in the heat, humidity and rain. I didn’t know how lazy cats could be, they turn into sandbags in this kind of weather. The farm feels like a greenhouse, rain every day, heat and humidity otherwise.
Life with an artist.
I chose this photo of Frieda, Lenore, Izzy and Rose because it reveals so much about the course of life, reminds me that we really control so little of it. About seven years ago, I was diagnosed as having Type 2 Diabetes. The diagnosis altered my life in a number of ways. I resolved to stay off of prescriptions medications and control the disease as long as I could. I decided not to think of myself as a diabetic. I lost weight, altered my diet, studied nutrition, continued to be active on my farm, the first one and this one.
I found a naturopathic doctor and he and I discussed nutrition, took blood every once in awhile. I did not get a glucose meter, I did not take my blood several times a day, I did not discuss my diabetes with friends or on the blog. I had blood taken several times a year. I did not – do not – wish to be asked every day how my health is, nor do I wish to be discussing my health all the time, monitoring myself, defining myself, especially as I get older.
I have pledged to be open on the blog, and I will be, but despite that, I don’t see the need to discuss the details my health with people outside of my family. There is sharing and there is sharing. In recent months, perhaps spurred by the Lyme Disease and my discussions with a nurse practitioner who is honest and knowledgeable, I realize it is time to move forward in my acknowledgement of the disease and in my treatment of it. I believe in holistic and naturopathic medicine, it has kept me healthy and off of drugs for some years now and out of the clutches of a troubled health care system. I am determined not to let preoccupation with health dominate my life and my work, I will not spend my days going to the pharmacy and sharing my blood sugar levels.
But I am a diabetic, it is important to acknowledge that and say the words out loud.
I had more blood work done last week and my health is very good. I’ve been off statins for six years, and my cholesterol is lower than it was when I was on them, my blood pressure is excellent, my kidneys and all are good. But I see that my body needs some help maintaining good blood sugar levels, I have taken it as far as diet and nutrition and exercise will go. There are some things the health care system knows how to do well, and treating diabetes is one of them.
Talking to Karen, my nurse practitioner, was revealing. She said I need to go on medication for diabetes if I was to stay healthy and keep the disease from damaging my organs and affecting my health. I always expected this would come, I just didn’t know when. When she said this, it just seemed to me to be true. Karen said I had done an amazing job of taking care of myself, it was time to do an even better job. I met with Glenn, my naturopath yesterday and he said it was up to me, he thought it was probably time, he supported this decision. I might have to take insulin in a bit, but there are some steps between now and then.
I admit to being disappointed when Karen told me some of my numbers were just too high now. But I am not an ideologue, I do not believe in dogma. The mind has to stay open, I have to always be willing to listen and change. I want to stay healthy, for me, for Maria, for my daughter, for my work, the dogs and animals. For you. Going on medication is a disappointment to me, I have worked hard and fought hard to avoid it, but I also see that is an opportunity for me to stay healthy, not to be sick. I’m not dwelling on it, I’m moving ahead. My management of my diabetes and my health has given me enormous confidence in my decisions, so many of my decisions were good ones. Because of those decisions, I am not on five different kinds of medication, I might end up on one. And I’ve learned so much about my body and how it works.
Yesterday Karen handed me a small blood meter, and a diary to keep a record of my levels. It feels like walking through a portal, I said. She nodded, yup, she said, it is. But we’ll work it out together, nobody will pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. Recording the blood sugar levels is important, now, is so that we can watch them over the next few months and make some decisions – I think insulin is in my future, but that is just a hunch. I went to the pharmacy, got my gear, learned how to use my meter. I called Maria from the doctor’s office and she asked me how I felt, and I said I felt good, it is good to know where you are, where you stand. Another chapter, life happens. I will take my blood a few times a day so we can all learn more about it. It is exciting, in a way, interesting. It is always better to know than not to know, fear has taught me that.
I’ll share what is useful and relevant, but this is not at the top of my agenda, it is not defining who I am. Millions of people have diabetes – about 10 per cent of the population, it seems and I am grateful to have learned so much about eating well, cooking well, staying healthy. I have a lot to stay healthy for, I told Karen, I am still a newlywed, up to my neck in happiness and creativity.
That is my idea of health. I feel good, I love my life.
So some boundaries. I am not looking to trade experiences, I am not seeking advice, horror stories, happy stories, or links to the millions of articles online. I will deal with my diabetes and I will share what I think might be useful or relevant to others. The truth is, I am goodin a pinch, I will learn what I need to learn, do what I need to do. Diabetes is the next chapter, I think, and as most of you know, every story is a gift for me.
Rain is relative, it means different things to different people, different things to animals, Red pays no attention to the rain, I doubt he is even aware of it when he is working. I am taking a cue from Red this morning, I am going about my business as if there is no rain. Nuts to it.
In the rain, Lulu’s Crossing was full this morning, it seems a long time ago that Lulu balked at crossing the muddy bridge, every morning, she leads the donkey’s and sheep across the gravel bridge and the donkeys explore the brush and the hills and fresh grass. Maria was feeding Simon flowers she picked off the ground, Red was at his post at the bottom of the hill, the barns and farm rolled off in the distance, green and soft in the never-ending rain.
This is what life is like, I think, we come to this intimidating boundaries, we figure out a way to get across, we move on to the next crossing.
