Day: September 6, 2013

I’m interested in this sunflower, an intruder in the Dahlia garden, a bold upstart taking center stage. He belongs with these exotic hothouse flowers, yet he doesn’t. A “yes/no” flower.

A few months after Maria and I met, we began to plan an Art Show called “The Art Harvest.” It was held at Gardenworks. Among other things, it was the first time I saw the power of my blog to draw people to us and our lives and our notions of art. There were four artists in that show, the theme was encouragement and coming out. Maria and I were both married to other people at the time, we had no idea how significant this show would be, what it might begin, what it might lead to. It was a part of our notions of encouragement. Mary Kellogg came to read from her poetry, shown for the first time to the world.

I printed and offered for sale five or six photos, I had just started taking pictures and was powerfully drawn to photography  (I don’t think any of them sold.) A young friend named Anthony Armstrong presented some sculptures drawn from his life. And Maria made some quilts and fiber pieces, among them this quite striking dress, studded on both sides with nails. She called it the “Yes/No” dress and it was made to show her ambivalence about having her work seen, having herself seen.

I was to encounter this ambivalence very directly myself later on in our relationship. Maria wanted to get close, but didn’t. She wanted someone to be close to her, but not too close. This was her confusion about art, about life. I knew right away that the “Yes No” dress would always be one of her most significant works of art. Many men see this and are unnerved and confused by it, women seem to grasp it’s meaning more quickly. The “Yes No” dress hung in Maria’s studio for several years as she chose to come out as an artist, and to  allow herself to be seen, be known by me. She took it with us when we came to the new farm and kept it in her studio. It is never far from her, or from her consciousness. I’ve always seen the dress as a witness to the evolution in Maria’s life as she began coming out of hiding, saying “yes” more than “no.”

Last Sunday, at my suggestion, Maria took the “Yes/No” dress out of her studio and hung it on the back porch for the Open House. No one I saw or heard mentioned it or seemed to notice it, but it was the right symbol for that day. For me, the dress will always be the defining work in Maria’s life as an artist.  One of the bravest and strongest people I knew, she resolved her ambivalence about life. She broke away from the confining and restricting and demeaning relationships in her life and family, she began to show her art to the world and see how much it was loved and appreciated. She permitted herself to open up to love and intimacy, as she showed me how to do the same.

I was alone with the “Yes/No” dress for a bit yesterday (this piece is not for sale) and I am grateful Maria decided to say “yes” to life, art, freedom and love because it opened the door for me to do the same, and it touch and inspired so many other people as well. When Maria and I met, I was famous and she was unknown. It was wonderful to be at the Open House and see how many people made a beeline right past me, the “Yes/No” dress, even Red to meet the maker of this mysterious dress and see her art.