(This photo was taken before the operation, there is nothing graphic in it, I know that would upset some people.) I went to the clinic just before noon. I had asked Dr. Fariello if I could take a photograph of the surgery beginning and we both agreed that I wouldn’t stay once the amputation procedure began. It might be distracting to the doctor, and I didn’t really want to photograph it while it was underway. So I came in quietly a few minutes before the operation, took one or two photos and left. Minnie has been in surgery all after, it is still underway.
I wanted to take this photo, it makes the whole thing real for me and for the people reading the blog. This is not a tragedy, Minnie will be fine and will resume her life as a barn cat in a week or so. It reminds me that life happens, for all of our precautions, especially for animals who live in the real world of animals, not the ones we create for them.
Minnie is on my mind today, the noon hour was chaotic, the Time Warner cable repair man came to fix our broken modem, Minnie went into surgery, my photo program crashed on the computer, and JimMcRae, our shearer arrived to shear the sheep. Things are settling down.
I love taking photos, but I especially love photos that show animals in their timeless ways and postures, doing things they have been doing for thousands of years, I love animals for the way they are they are so unique and different from us. When limbs fall off trees, Maria and I drag them into the pastures, the donkeys love to chew on them, it keeps them busy for days, and that is good.A busy donkey is a happy donkey, a bored donkey is all about mischief. Like border collies, they will find work.
When we went out for the morning chores, I saw Fannie chewing on the birch bark, finding her place in the universe on a wild and windy morning.
I appreciate our vet, the Cambridge Valley Service is clean, bright and the staff is friendly and accessible. Dr. Fariello met us this morning outside of Minnie’s pre-surgery crate and we talked over everything – the cost, the aftercare, the operation itself. This conversation made it easier for us, Maria shows her emotions more readily than I do, I am at peace with this and so is she. But she did have a good cry afterwards, it is hard for her to see Minnie suffering, it will be hard for her to see Minnie afterwards.
But Minnie will get the best and most loving care imaginable, she couldn’t do better than my wife. I’ll go over there when they call to take a photograph, I’ll come back and post. I know it sounds strange, but yet another vote for buying local. When we discovered how badly Minnie was hurt, the service told us to come right over, we weren’t sitting in a waiting room for hours. Minnie spent a comfortable weekend at the practice, and we understand everything that is happening, the cost, the procedure, the care Minnie will need, her life beyond the surgery.
It seems obvious until you are in it, but a good relationship with a vet is so important, and we are lucky to be where we are.
We went to see Minnie this morning before the surgery, she was happy to see us, affectionate as usual, she and Maria got emotional together. I have no idea what animals know or see, the idea that when I next see Minnie she will have a stump on her leg is pretty jarring. It is also the life of the barn cat, the trade-off is always the same, freedom and the life of the cat for the dangers of the animal world. People love to say that animals are pure and sweet, but they are not, they can be ruthless and murderous. Minnie is pretty pure and sweet, unless you are a mouse, and then she is Dracula. I’m going back to see her before the surgery.
The emotional issues we bring to our lives with animals are immense, I have been writing about it for years, and am always surprised by the things I need to learn and understand about animals and me. Minnie is an important animal for me, in many ways, some I have become disconnected with. Her amputation today is bringing these issues to the fore, reminding me of why she is important to me, opening me up to her.
She was elemental in my relationship with Maria, adopting her was literally the first thing we ever did together.Shortly after Maria and I met, we began planning an art show called “Art Harvest,” it was a coming out for us and some artists we knew, it was the first time I felt close to Maria, sensed a connection, although I never imagined how deep it would become.
We were having lunch – one of our first times together – at Steininger’s Restaurant in Salem, N.Y. and Maria and I were talking about a cat she had seen advertised at the town dump in need of a home. You could take another cat, she said, and I thought it would be good for Mother, a barn cat I had become very close to and loved. Mother was a larger-than-life animal, ferocious but loving, she had adopted me and watched over me constantly.
Maria then told me the cat at the dump had been adopted, and the waitress overheard our conversation. She had a feral cat, she said, who had given birth to a litter of feral kittens under her porch. None of them were socialized or comfortable around people. I thought that kind of cat would make a good barn cat, a good companion for Mother. So that night, Maria and I drove out to North Hebron, where the waitress was waiting for us with Minnie in a cardboard box. I took her to Bedlam Farm, put her in the barn with Mother, she was shy and guarded, I didn’t really even see her much for weeks, even months. Maria helped her get settled.
Then she slowly began to emerge, a quiet cat, shy and reserved but sweet and increasingly friendly. I am not the kind of person who loves all animals or pretends to, unconditional love does not have as much meaning for as it does for others, I think love ought to be considered and meaningful, not offered gratuitously and universally. Such love does not have meaning for me. I have a lot of wonderful animals who have come through my life – Orson, Rose, Elvis, Winston the rooster, Izzy, Lenore, Pearl, Red, Simon and Lulu and Fanny, Frieda, I supposed Minnie just got lost in that shuffle. I didn’t pay all that much attention to her, although she was always coming up to me, rubbing against me, looking for attention. Usually I pushed her away.
I saw her as needy, a bit weak perhaps especially when compared to Mother, I suspect it was a projection of the way my father saw me, a ghost that has recurred from time to time in my life with animals. When I went to put a photo up of Minnie this morning, I realized I had very few, I rarely take a picture of her, revealing in itself.
Besides, there was Maria, who loved Minnie and always spent time with her, rubbed and petted her. I am remembering all this on the eve of Minnie’s amputation, focusing on her importance to me, to us, her sweetness, her adaptability and generosity. This morning the vet called with the estimate for the amputation – I gulped, Maria and I did, it is not an expense we need right now – but I didn’t hesitate to say yes and neither did Maria. I realize that Minnie is important to me, too. We went over to see her.
She is looking good, alert, affectionate, she has a lot to say this morning. When we next see her, she will have a stump and that, said the doctor, will be a bit of a wake-up call. I imagine so. We will take good care of her, she will be inside for a week or so.
We went over to the vet’s to see Minnie before her surgery and Dr. Fariello said I could come over and take a photo just as the surgery began, and we both agreed it wouldn’t be appropriate – too distracting – for me to stay during the operation. I am drawn to photograph something like that, I was a police reporter for a long time, blood does not bother me. But not this time, too close to it.
So life happens and life goes on. It challenges us to grow and change and learn, Minnie’s troubles are a gift. She does not understand what is happening to her, she will adapt and adjust without complaint as animals do. I will do the same. I am re-working my ideas about Minnie, opening up my heart, my soul, to her meaning in my life. It is a shame it takes trouble and suffering for that to happening, but I am a man and that is the way of men.
