Day: January 20, 2014

I can only think of two or three times in recent years when I sent to bed, and went and stayed there, it looks like today is one of them. My wife is small but part Sicilian, tough and fearsome when aroused, and to be honest, I’m not putting up too much of a fight. I’m close to finishing Donna Tartt’s “Goldfinch,” which I will review and wading into the new book by Gabriel Sherman on Roger Ailes, the brilliant,  controversial and very angry genius behind Fox News. I’ll review that too.

But I just need to rest, this stomach stuff is making its way through my body, I can feel it, and sometimes you just have to surrender to life in order to return to it. My body has made it quite clear I am not going to get up and walk around today.

Lying in bed all day is close to despair for me, it triggers a feeling of helplessness and worthlessness that comes from somewhere deep inside of me, I see it as a letting go, a kind of spiritual and creative decay. I just cannot find a reasonable way not to hate it. Maria and I always do the chores together, I can hardly abide her tromping around in the cold while I’m lying on my butt with a book and some tea, but she can handle things quite competently, it is my problem, not hers.

Writing is like breathing to me, I simply have to do it, and it is not a difficult thing for me and Red to come to the study and work together, it keeps me from going mad. It is work for Red just as much as sheep is work, he rushes into the office behind me, lies down right underneath the desk, is utterly still while I clank on the keyboard, when I am done, he will rush upstairs and if it is daytime, I will let him up on the bed where he will curl up and be still.

When Maria goes out to feed the animals, he hears her put on her boots and rushes to the door to move the sheep around. He just loves all work, he sometimes helps to define mine. How fortunate I am to have the people and animals in my life around me.

When I am lying in bed, of course, I sometimes succumb to the idea that I am just losing strength and steam, getting older, not fighting off the things I used to fight off in days or ignore. Getting up and doing things is an affirmation of life, it can also be a neurotic disorder. People get sick, they rest and get well, as a rule. Another kind of affirmation.

So today I’ll post some bedroom chronicles, sneak down to work on a chapter of the Simon book, run out to take a photo of the descending cold. And finish my book maybe. Last night I decided to accept my body, the way I am, the way I look, the way it feels. If I can do that from bed, it will be more than worthwhile.

It seems throughout history, the artist is forever dependent on other people for money, unless he or she makes it big, in which case a whole other set of creative and other issues occur. My whole life, I’ve been more or less dependent on publishers, producers, foundations, corporations to pay me to write.  Creative people are different from funders of creative people, different ethos, different sensibilities. There is a natural and visceral tension.

Kickstarter.com is a different paradigm, I have to say. It isn’t entirely different – the artist, writer, creator, entrepreneur, filmmaker – is still going outside of himself to ask for money, but it is different. The backers of the projects seem similar to the artists they are backing, there seems to be much less questioning and tension. I think of the “pitches” we see filmmakers making to skeptical backers in Hollywood movies, jumping through hoops to persuade people with limited attention spans there is a lot of money in their ideas. I have made many such pitches in my time.  There are no skeptical backers on Kickstarter, people are in or they are not. It is certainly a more dignified process, oddly enough.

The backers are not buying the content, they aren’t asking for a role in shaping or looking for marketing information about profit, they are simply expressing support for the project, and in some ways, sometimes, seeking a share in it. The illustrator making a map of Brooklyn offers people who pledge a certain amount a copy of the new map. The musician offers a CD, for my project “Talking To Animals,” I am offer people who pledge a certain amount photos, links, some copies of the book when it is published.

Some people on Kickstarter don’t want anything back, they simply want to support creative projects. Others shop around for good deals, it isn’t a bad way to buy creative things – art, quilts, jewelry, films, songs. I had to decide how many rewards to offer, and it is tricky with books, I can’t afford to give too many of them away and I don’t want to be overwhelmed by merchandising and shipping. Nothing in our world is free, not really, and neither is the Kickstarter money, I intend to give my backers a stream of photos, updates, and as many books or e-books as I can afford.

I have now reached 132 per cent of my original funding goal of $9,000 which I reached in the first 48 hours, I am shocked and pleased to report. I have raised $11,902 dollars, and there are 23 more days left in which people can contribute to “Talking To Animals,” a 15 year project of mine to learn  how to communicate with the animals I have lived with and live with still – cows, goats, sheep, barn cats, dogs, chickens, donkeys.

Sunday, Corinna Vigier sent me a message – she had pledged $25. She had not read my books or followed the blog, she saw the project on Kickstarter and liked it. “What about another reward,” she suggested, “so that everybody who pledges let’s say at least 80 USD for the project will get a signed hardcover copy of the book? I saw that people already provided about 50 USD on average – I am certain that getting a signed copy “for sure” wold be of interest to many (me to start with).” She said I could also add other rewards – signed photos – trips to the farm to encourage even bigger pledges.

I loved the idea and the fact she took the trouble to send it to, I added just such a new reward – a signed book for an $80 pledge. That would work for me, give me additional funds for the project, which would be helpful, and still leave me enough to afford to send my books to a backer. I got nearly $1,000 new dollars almost instantly. I decided not to add additional rewards, I want to be careful not to be overwhelmed – like an Amazon warehouse at Christmas – when the book comes out, I’ll hopefully have plenty to do.

Corinna was challenging me to be creative about the remaining 23 days – the more rewards I offer, the more pledges. But I find myself balking at more rewards – there are four up already, and the project has already been successful. I will certainly put any additional money to good use, but I also have the instinct to let the project speak for itself right now, and I’ll keep updating you on it. Interactivity is a powerful tool for creatives although many balk at using it. The backers at Kickstarter are supporting the project, joining it in a way traditional funders don’t. When you publish a book, you are pretty much on your own, it will stand or fall in the marketplace. When I publish “Talking To Animals,” I feel there will be a lot of wind at my back, people like Corinna who have voted for me and are looking for ways to make my work succeed. Like the people on my blog.

In a few weeks, I’ll take the train down to New York City, walk over to B&H Photo with a big fat check and buy a new camera and lens, I’ll share that journey with you and the backers on Kickstarter, I’ll call it the “Talking To Animals Launch Train.” I’ll use the rest of the money to buy more time for the research and writing of this book. That will be a very sweet trip for me, a triumphal one.

It feels more like a partnership than a business arrangement. I can’t tell you how good that feels.