Armed with rattles and soft cloth worms that squeak and clothes, I am headed to Brooklyn Tuesday and Wednesday, my daughter has given Maria and I the gift of a nearby apartment for two nights, I was reluctant to accept this from her, but then realized that would be a mistake. You have to accept things from others sometimes, and it was a touching gift.
We hope to take Robin to her first museum, the Brooklyn Museum, Emma and Jay took her to see Star Wars this Sunday, which surprised and delighted me. She does remember.
The grandfather thing is different that I expect, although I did not really know what to expect. I don’t really know Robin well – I’ve only seen her three or four times and have by no means been an integral part of her life. Yet I do feel a connection with her, a different kind of no-strings-attached love, and my sense is she feels a connection with me when we see one another.
I love seeing Emma transformed by her great love for this child, it is one of the beautiful things in life to see.
How can you know really, what a three month old baby feels?
This is a different kind of love than I have experienced, it is not over the top, I am not stricken or smitten. I don’t believe in unconditional love, love is very conditional, people have to earn it, through time and commitment. I don’t wish to be living in Brooklyn, she will never be living up here, I don’t wish to be crashing in on Emma’s space and Robin will have a lot of things to worry about other than me.
The word that keeps coming to mind for this love is pure, it feels pure. I am not responsible for Robin, and have no desire to influence how she is raised. I don’t want to take care of her or be around her every day. I hope we both have lives that are too full for that.
I imagine she may love coming to the farm and seeing the animals here, and I imagine they will love her. They will definitely sense the connection between us all.
But I am eager to see her and explore this connection we have. I love changing diapers and playing with kids and reading to them – a bit early maybe. I want to also deepen the rich connection with Emma that seems to be flowing from the arrival of this child, we just seem at ease with one another. That is as important to me as the relationship with Robin.
I am pleased Maria is coming, she is a part of this. How nice. We will have some time perhaps to run around the city a bit or at least explore Brooklyn on foot. This will be a good test of my angina. We want to spell Emma and Jay so they can go out.
I’m bringing one camera, and two lenses – the portrait and 125 mm. I’m not sure if I’ll bring a black and white camera or the color one. I love taking photos in Brooklyn, I’m excited about the trip. As Robin grows and develops, the relationship will be clear to me. I have the sense of her as a sunny, alert an thoughtful creature.
