Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who happens to be my favorite author, wrote once that “it is not true that people stop pursuing their dreams because they are getting older. They grow old because they stop pursuing their dreams.”
Barbara Sparks is not old. She is quite young in so many ways, and she reminds us that the first death is the abandonment of our dreams.
I am very pleased to know and write about Barbara Sparks. She and her new dog Etta are my Inspiring Women of 2017.
Barbara wrote me several months ago to offer some kind words about my blog and to ask for some advice.
As many of you know, I am not in the advice business and consider it arrogant to tell other people what to do. But this request touched my heart and I responded to it. Barbara’s letter to me was short and to the point, thoughtful, almost businesslike. It deserved a response.
Mine was simple: follow your heart.
Barbara is a life-long dog owner and lover, she has had a number of wonderful German Shepherds. She loves the breed and knows it well. She takes training seriously, as I do.
Life changes us, and Barbara is now 78, she has a husband with a disability. People offered her many convincing reasons why this was a bad idea. Her last beloved dog recently died and she was struggling with the question of whether or not to get another one.
People said she was too old to get another dog, and that it would be too difficult. Being an ethical dog owner and lover, she worried about what might happen to the dog outlived her. I have written often about the unthinking and bigoted attitude of many animal people about pets and the elderly.
This morning, I was delighted to get an e-mail from Barbara – I have often thought of her these past few months, and to me, and was happy to see her message. She is a kindred spirit, a soulmate, she captured the spirit of 2017 for me.
“My relatives, of course, advised against it,” she wrote. “You suggested I follow my heart and I did it! This is Etta, five months old, waiting for the teething to stop and her ears to stand up. She is a joy; lots of work and challenge for training, but I have a trainer to work with. And I have your training suggestions over the years that I have read your work. She makes me smile constantly. So thanks for the advice. It obviously means a lot.”
Many rescue and animal rights groups refuse to adopt dogs or cats out to elderly people, as if millions of pets are not re-homed happily and safely every year. Think of how many Katrina animals would have perished if they could not be re-homed, or the fate of millions of animals re-homed through rescue organizations and shelters.
Think of how many dogs and cats die because older people can’t adopt them and bring them home.
Dogs are among the most adaptable animal species on the earth, it is a major reason why they have thrived while so many other species have perished.
Many needy, ill, older or smaller dogs would make wonderful companions for older people. So would healthy rescue and purebred dogs. People are healthy and active well into their 80’s and 90’s in contemporary America.
Ethical animal owners make arrangements for their animals to go to good homes if they die or can’t care for them. Numerous studies who people with dogs live longer and are healthier. Dogs offer companionship, interaction with other people, exercise, love and stimulation.
My work in hospice and among the elderly with Red offers powerful testimony of the impacts dogs can have on older people, mentally and physically.
Barbara’s case is not complex, at least to me. It is not risky or marginal.
She is knowledgeable, competent, healthy and experienced. She loves dogs and especially loves German Shepherds. She knows how to train and care for them. She is giving a dogs a great home, she is giving herself a great gift.
And Barbara knows how to make arrangements for them if they might outlive her. It is not that complicated.
Thank you Barbara, your message means a lot to me. Congratulations on following your heart, of course you should follow it, and the smiles and joy Etta has already brought you will be, I hope, a powerful affirmation to the many people seeking to live their lives and follow their dreams. You deserve every single smile, and your conscientious and ethics are evident.
I remember I was 61 when I made the painful decision to end a 35-year marriage, and then, two years later, marry Maria. I cannot count the number of people who urged me not to do either thing. I was too old they said, to change that much, it was too risky, I would lose too much.
Of course, I lost a lot. Life works that way, there are no perfect trade-offs.
I gained so much more. Every day I experience the smiles and joy you talk about, from Maria, my work, my farm, the dogs and donkeys and even the pony. I am grateful every day I followed my heart.
No one needs to give up on life, or on life with animals because they are growing older, we need to follow our own hearts, not those of others. I can see from the photograph that you and Etta belong together, and I am grateful I had any small role to play in your decision.
I told Barbara I hoped she stays in touch, sends pictures, asks me for any advice she needs. We are friends for life now.
I honor and respect her very good decision to live her life, give a loving home to an animal, not be defined by the prejudices and (often well-meaning) narrow visions other people have of people who grow older. Getting to be 79 can be challenging, so can living with someone with a disability. Etta will make this life richer, easier, happier.
Barbara, her husband and Etta all deserve that opportunity.
Mature people have every much a right to love and live with a dog as anyone, and in my experience, have the patience, experience, love and wisdom to provide wonderful homes for animals.
The next few years may be challenging and difficult for many people. People like Barbara will carry the day. At the end of her message, she added this: “…let’s all hope for a peaceful and enlightened America.”
Blessed are those who never stop pursuing their dreams, at any age.
Happy New Year, Barbara and Etta, you are my Inspiring Women of 2017.