James Joyce wrote in Ulysses that “if you can put your five fingers through it, it is a gate, not a door.”
This is one of those surprising and profound thoughts that went off in my head like a bomb and ricocheted through my consciousness, transforming the way I look at the world.
One of the others was don’t speak poorly of your life, it may be listening,” told to me by the Rev. Billy Graham.
Another came to me this year, after the election, it was “I choose to do good rather than argue about what good is,” and that one came from me, it led to the Army Of Good and also to my work with refugees and the residents of the Mansion.
The Ulysses quote helped me to understand life in a new and profound way. I thought of it again this week. We have had a challenging time finding a new pet and farm sitter to mind the dogs when we are away. We are planning a trip to New Mexico in October, our first real vacation since we got married seven years ago.
We found a farm sitter right a way, Cassandra Comety and her mother Sandy Adams will take care of the farm – the donkeys and the sheep – while we are gone. But Cassandra is about to have a baby and she has a busy full-time job as well, and Sandy has her own farm to run, her plate is full.
They can’t take on the dogs as well.
We had a house and farm sitter we appreciated very much, she left us abruptly earlier this year and that was a difficult loss for us. We never had to worry about the farm or the dogs when we went away for a day or so. She loved the animals and knew them well.
We thought we had found another dog sitter last week, the very capable Mandi, but she is taking a new job away from here that just opened up, and we were happy for her but sorry to see her go elsewhere, she is a great animal lover and very conscientious worker. Her new employer is lucky.
And so we have made a new friend rather than a new pet sitter.
We thought about leaving the dogs at a much-loved and praised kennel nearby. But we were uneasy.
We have a new puppy, Gus, and two border collies who are very bonded to the sheep here, so we went back and forth about that. We decided against it. I have no issues with kennels, but it didn’t feel right at this time with these dogs. I think Gus, Red and Fate will be more comfortable here.
Fate is an intense dog, passionately devoted to her routines, Red has had a rough year, between getting stomped by a pony and nearly dying from four tick-borne diseases. Gus is a pistol, but still needing puppy care and attention.
When Mandi told us yesterday she is taking a new job, I felt this twinge of concern. Could we find somebody we trust in so short a time? Could anyone learn the routines and patterns of the dogs and the farm. Gus is still a puppy, he can’t be left alone for too long yet. Was this much needed vacation in danger?
They are sweet and easy dogs, but still…We need the right person, one who wants to stay at the farm and has the freedom to do that. Who will permit us to go away without looking back or worrying. The dogs are more than pets to us.
But then, when I got the message from Mandi, this strange thing happened, I didn’t worry.
When Maria came in from belly-dancing lessons (I love writing that), I said, “I’m afraid we lost Mandi.” Oh no, she said, do we still have time to find somebody. And I heard myself saying, oh sure, it’s not a crisis,” it’s a gate, not a door.” I like that, Maria said, I like that a lot.
I thought, okay, let’s go find someone as good, even better perhaps, someone we can trust and have a long-term relationship with. For many reasons, this is an important person in our lives, and hopefully, a member of our family. Maria and I each have come to understand the different things we do well and don’t do well.
This sort of thing is one of the things I do well, getting on the phone, getting hold of people, solving this kind of problem. The odd thing was that I welcome this thing, the gate/door metaphor opened up a channel in my mind, I welcome the chance to walk through the gate rather than fret and stew.
Drama is for the weak-minded and the timid.
This morning, I drew up a list of places and people to call. I had to get this right, it was not a crisis but an opportunity. Life is full of surprises and disappointments and challenges. I have rejected drama and hand-wringing as a response to real life, whether it is a sick dog or the need to find someone to mow the lawn, or the search for a dog-sitter.
The idea is not to have a perfect life, but to handle life as it comes with grace and strength. I am learning to do that.
If feels very good, and it isn’t just an intellectual ideal, this view has affected my emotions. I have little use for fear these days, it is really just a geography, a space to cross. I got tired of it and shooed it away, shed much of it like a snake sheds a skin.
My first call early this morning was to a local veterinary clinic, the call was answered on the first ring, and I asked the person who answered the phone if she knew of any reliable dog or pet sitters.I thought she might be busy, and blow me off. She didn’t.
She thought about if for a second, and asked me a few questions. She was listening. As it turned out, she is one, she said, and we clicked, she sounded professional and very competent. I liked her. She had a sense of humor. She asked the right questions and gave the right answers.
This is a vet tech and knows our dogs and also knows dogs in general.
She is available to stay over at the farm while we are away.I liked her manner.
She understood the needs of a Boston Terrier puppy, and also of an older dog like Red, still recovering from an awful bout with infections. She was not the least bit fazed by caring for two border collies, as farm people usually are not. She’s coming over tomorrow. We agreed on a price, in case she accepts the work.
We haven’t met her yet, and she might not want this job. She mind be uncomfortable with our dogs.
I can’t say I know it will work. But I liked the fact that she asked if her boyfriend could come along to see the farm and check out the dogs. Of course, we said. She’s coming to the farm to meet us tomorrow. The boyfriend too.
It feels right, and if it isn’t, I will get back on the phone. If you can put your five fingers through it, it is a gate, not a door. And it will open.
More than anything, I like this critical idea for dealing with the bumps and struggles of the world. The idea that I don’t have to feel every problem is a crisis, when in fact many problems are gifts. The world is a mess. The world has always been a mess. The world is wonderful.
Every day, I get to recover. Every day, I have a choice to make. Is this an open gate, or a door? And rather lament my life and it’s challenges, I choose to just walk through the gate. We will have our vacation, and the dogs will have the best possible care.
