My granddaughter Robin seems to be turning into a charismatic and very special human being, full of good will and a radiant smile.
I hope she keeps it, and I trust she will. My daughter Emma and her husband Jay are wonderful parents, and this is reflected in every smile of Robin’s.
The fact that Emma is so empathetic and loving a mother makes me feel good about my first marriage, Paula and I did something quite wonderful with Emma, I think, and that perhaps is one small part of the reason Emma is such a great parents.
Divorces are sad and painful, but much good came from our marriage. People ask me all the time if I am sorry to not be there in Brooklyn, watching my granddaughter evolve. I think about it a lot.
The answer is yes, of course, I do wish I were there to see Robin evolve, she is such a pleasure and gift to be around.
But no, I am not sad. I read a survey last month in which 75 per cent of all grandparents said that having a grandchild was the most important and meaningful experience in their lives. Once again, I felt odd and out of sync with the world.
I was surprised by this. I love Robin, and would be happy to be a continuing part of her life, but there are a number of meaningful experiences in my life, and most of them are my own.
I balk at the idea of taking on somebody else’s child in that way, or of suborning my life to another. I very much want my life to be the most meaningful thing for me.
There must be something missing in me to feel so differently than so many of my peers. I think Robin should be Emma’s most meaningful experience, if anyone’s. If I were living in Brooklyn, I might feel differently. I do see the great and very pure love grandparents have for their grandchildren, it is very beautiful.
But I’ve shed a lot of heart and soul for my life, and I love it. It is my choice, and I knew when I made it that I would be gaining some things and losing some things. I know I cannot have every single thing that I want.
Everything comes at a cost, and when I began my move to the country more than 15 years ago, I lost a great and deep part of my life. I knew that. That was the choice I made.
My heart is full of love for Robin, and even more so for Emma. I don’t need more than that, that is a lot.