I took this photo of Gus when I was sick yesterday, he hopped up onto my lap, crawled up onto my right shoulder, put his head on my neck, and went to sleep. Red was lying at my feet, where he always lies when I am sick. I like having two companion dogs, I think they are healing and comforting.
Red is utterly faithful at such moments, he never leaves my side, Gus is a bit more active, but yesterday, he seemed happy just sitting up there. The sunlight pouring in from the window didn’t hurt either. Gus is an affectionate creature, I never know if the dogs know something is off or not, but I liked the feeling of Red at my feet and Gus up on my shoulder.
I don’t usually post fashion notes, but yesterday, my new Slouch Beanie arrived from Istanbul, the first slouch beanie I have ever owned.
Two months ago, I got an e-mail from a Polish weaver, and showed me a bunch of hand-knit slouch beanies for women, and on an impulse, I bought one for Maria. It was a beautiful red color, and I thought she might love it in the winter, when she needs all the help she can get staying warm – she is quite scrawny, not a lot of padding on her.
She loved it, and then I wondered if I should think of getting one. I went on Etsy, a fine place to buy interesting things, and I found a weaver in Istanbul who make them for men for about $30. I liked this one. (So did Gus), it took a month get here
The two big fashion departures for me are brightly colored socks and now, my slouch beanie. That’s about all I can take for now, my standard attire is jeans and blue work shirts. I can’t see that changing.
But I like my slouch beanie, it is warm, and I love having some color on my head (and feet.) Maria says it’s cool, which is perhaps going a bit far for me, but I think this addition will be permanent.
Sylvie is one of my favorite portrait subjects at the Mansion. She is thoughtful and filled with conviction, she is a member of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and is often sitting on a sofa in the Mansion studying religious texts, she calls it her homework.
In my writing class, she writes powerful about the effects of mental illness on her life, she lost two lovers along the way.
I gave Sylvie this new wool hat the other day, and she loves it. I am learning that the elderly often have chilly heads, and they love wool hats, especially those with some color. Much of the body’s heat escapes through the head, so the wool caps matter.
Everyone who wants one at the Mansion now has one.
I feel close to Sylvie, another of those connections I’m not sure I totally understand, but accept.
Sylvie loves to get letters and she has made some beautiful friends in that way. You can write her care of Sylvie, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
This week, I hope to move ahead with our plans to create a Geranium Garden for the Mansion in the Great Room there. Those who care for the garden will have first choice of the flowers when they boolm.
My friend Scott called me a few days ago to tell me he had scraped his cornea after a tussle with his sheet, which somehow hurt his eye while he was tossing and turning at night, he is a restless sleeper.
I couldn’t quite figure out how this could have happened, but I could see and sense how much pain he was in. Scott, being a workaholic – he is the co- owner of the Round House Cafe – came to work of course, with some very cool shades.
Life is full of these little dramas, they seem to occur daily. The eye doctor says Scott’s eye should recover with some rest (like me, he is not good at rest.) And I’m still trying to figure out how a sheet can attack an eye in that way.
I see life as a continuous journey sometimes, from darkness into light, and then back again, from life to the news, to my own spiritual evolution, or lack of it. I was sick yesterday, a day or darkness and confusion, I woke to heartening news, bright sunshine and feeling strong and clear once again.
When you have heart disease and take lots of medications, you get sick more than you used to, there are always side affects to medications, good and bad. I know what to do now, I just go to bed for a day and recover. As with mental illness, I am fortunate, I get to recover every day.
When I am sick, I feel it’s necessary to let people know, some people get anxious when they don’t see anything on the blog, and the last thing I want to do these days is make anybody nervous.
Being sick in public, even quickly, is a mixed bag. There are lots of lovely messages of comfort and good wishes, which I appreciate, and there are those odd kinds of social media message that make me uneasy. The former is about me, the latter messages are about them.
One woman messaged me to tell me she thinks I get sick a lot, as if I don’t know how often I do or don’t get sick (not very often). I wonder what it is she is trying to tell me.
Several people warned me not to go to the Mansion and infect vulnerable people, as if I would do that without being asked, my illness is not infectious. But if there is any evidence I could make others sick, of course I will say home.
And listen folks, here is the truth, I have two chronic illnesses, diabetes and heart disease, and I take a lot of medications for each, and I will tell you from the heart that I will get sick once in awhile. Let’s just get used to it.
This is not a drama for me, it is my life, and it does not keep me from doing one single thing I want to do in life – love my wife, write my books and blog, walk my dogs, take my photos, do good deeds when I can. I know where I am, nobody needs to tell me.
I keep my own dignity by managing my own life, and to be honest, I’m quite proud of that. There is no perfect life, and I wouldn’t care for one if there was.
In our boundary-less time, people feel the need to warn and lecture people they don’t know about things they know nothing about. Social scientists will eventually have to figure out if this was a good or bad thing. I don’t like it much myself. I share my health because I have promised to be open about my life and not cheat my readers, but I also manage my health quite well and have very good advice when I need it.
Obviously, I would never endanger the residents of the Mansion. And getting sick once in awhile does not mean I am unhealthy. I’m told I’m in quite good shape, and that’s how I feel.
The fight for boundaries in our culture never ends, and I think that is a good discussion for us to have and keep having.
Today is a day of joy and light for me, I hope be at the Mansion Christmas Party this afternoon, I want to see for myself the gifts and decorations pouring in from the Army Of Good.
The Kabbalah talks of the 99 per cent world. We live most of the time in a 1 percent world, the world of fear, anger, argument, health concerns, money and bad news.
Yet there is another side to life, say the mystics. They called it the 99 per cent, the “source of all lasting fulfillment. All knowledge, wisdom, and joy dwell in this realm.” This is the domain the Kabbalists call Light.
Whenever we experience joy, healing, love, we have made contact with this realm, mostly through some action we have taken in our daily lives – a good deed, a hug from a child, the love of a friend, a success in the material world, an encounter with nature.
All joy flows from the 99 per cent, this has nothing to do with politics or the news.
This is what I feel today, that I have gone from the 1 per cent and made contact with the other world, my true world. There is the discomfort of being sick, there the joy of being well. There is the loneliness of feeling poorly, the joy of being cared for by someone who loves me. There is the coldness of the dark, and beauty of the light.
This morning, when I came downstairs to shower and eat (I had two dogs to keep my company all day, Gus and Red), I saw all of the color and light – the 99 percent – awaiting me, as if I was being welcomed back.
I saw all the color and sunlight and brightness, I came back into the Light.
This year, at long last, I am understanding what Christmas means. It is the realm of the 99 per cent in many ways.
