Two worlds meet: Ali and the heart of the soccer team
It was a frigid, snowy day at the Mansion, the soccer kids showed up in the usual Spring attire, sweatshirts and light jackets. The team is in the middle of an intense indoor soccer tournament but they wanted to come to Cambridge to serve lunch to the Mansion residents, something they all wanted to do.
It was almost overwhelming for me, as I have come to love many of these kids, and also many of the Mansion residents. I was so touched by the statements of Sylvie, Bob, Peggie and Madeline, they were honest and heartfelt. Everybody in the room learned a lot today.
These kids are quite wonderful.
When I met them, they had no good shoes, uniforms, cleats or jerseys. Thanks to your generosity, they are getting what they need, bit by bit.
They have suffered grievously, back home and now. They told the Mansion residents stories of being taunted and ridiculed and even threatened in the public schools. Every time I hear these stories, I want to do more for them. I am talking to the Great Escape Amusement Park At Lake George about a summer outing for the team
I made a point of introducing Joan to the refugee children and thanking her for being so open and loving, despite her struggles with memory. They all applauded for her – definitely a teary moment for many. Afterwards, Joan came up to Maria and told her “you have a good man there, he is very sweet. Don’t let him get away.” I was astonished. Maria said she would keep a close eye on me.
Joan sees a lot more than many people think.
These children deserve our love and support. If you wish to support this work you can donate to The Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. We are doing good and making a difference. More photos tonight.
For me, and almost everyone present, an extraordinary thing at the Mansion. The soccer team asked me and Ali if they could come to the Mansion and help serve lunch and exchange their stories with the Mansion residents. And that is what happened, these two very powerful elements came together in the most beautiful way, something I did not ever foresee.
The team put on plastic gloves and hairnets as required by law at the Mansion for food servers, and they courteously and gently served food to the residents. There is a powerful connection between these young people and the much older Mansion residents.
I saw it when they first visited weeks ago, I think it is the common experience they share of being uprooted and thrust into a strange land; of leaving almost everything they love behind, of having lost loved ones – parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, of learning a new language and a new way to live.
Ali (Amjad Abdullah) has infused them with a spirit of love and generosity and community, they were very happy to be there, they were shy but never grudging. Several told me the Mansion residents reminded them of their grandmas and grandpas.
After lunch, three of the refugee kids – Sakler Moo, Saw John and Bae Eh Thaw – so painfully shy I had rarely heard them speak the entire year I’ve known them – agreed to stand up and share their stories; how they came to America and what their problems are. After they spoke, three Mansion residents – Sylvie, Bob and Peggie – stood up to tell the story of how they came to be in the Mansion, what their problems are as they age.
The Mansion residents, many struggling with memory loss, eye trouble and loss of hearing, were mesmerized by the stories, they had many questions and seemed to hang on every world. The connection between these two groups was something you could almost see and touch.
It struck me again and again that even though the refugees and residents are living at opposite ends of life, they are, in so many ways the same. And it is true, I see, human beings can always connect to one another if their hearts and minds are open. These children have known great pain and dislocation, they have left so much behind, and the same is true of the Mansion residents.
Ali is a father, mother, brother and friend to these children, and I have seen them grow dramatically during the time I have known them. Before the lunch, I met with them and Ali asked me to encourage them to speak, to tell their stories. I told them I understood they are shy, but that it was important for them to find their voices in America, here we often need to speak up to be heard, as women and older people and gay people and African-American people and others have learned.
To be voices here is to often mean being left behind. I never give lectures or speeches to these kids, but I thought this was important, and they responded to it, and I admire their courage and determination, it was not simple for them to stand up in a crowded room. It was a beautiful thing to see, and it touched me deeply.
Tonight, Maria and I are going to run the Bingo game at the Mansion, I got some neat prizes today at the Over The Moon bead shop in town. I will put up more photographs of this lunch and sharing, and also publish an album on Facebook.
It was one of the most extraordinary days of my life, it said so much about the promise and compassion of the human spirit, very much alive despite the reports on what we call the news. Today was our news, it was a big story.
I am always wary of interpreting a dog’s motives, and many people have asked me how fate has reacted to the loss of her playmate Gus. We haven’t really noticed any changes. Fate is, however the smartest dog I have known, she misses nothing and is interested in everything.
I know she saw Gus hop up into my lap many times, sometimes she rarely, if ever did. Since Gus left, she is climbing up on the footstool and twisting herself around and landing in my lap. She is not a cuddly dog, she is an intensely active working dog, she is rarely ever still.
When she climbs into my lap, she just puts her head on my should, rolls over on her back and waits for me to rub her belly, she stays still for five to ten minutes – a very new behavior.
Maria and I both think Fate has been noticed the life of the small dog and wants some lap love and scratching. Gus brought out Fate’s playfulness but also her sweetness. She will be happy to meet another Boston Terrier sometime this summer, I think. I think at times Fate wants to be a small dog.
Clarity is very important to me. I never used to have it, and in recent months have worked to find it.
I felt especially clear and strong recently, when we decided to put our dog Gus down, he was struck with a fatal disease called megaesophagus. People kept e-mailing me to tell me I was doing the right thing and to console me – which I appreciated – but the truth was I knew it was the right thing and had what I call clarity about the decision.
Killing a dog, especially a young one full of life, is not a simple decision, it is natural to agonize over it and at one point in my life I would have, i often tore myself up about difficult decisions, asked for advice, changed my mind, felt guilt and confusion.
I don’t much do that any more. Being open (having no secrets,) facing the worst parts of yourself, speaking your truth, sharing your life, seeking authenticity, getting help are all strengthening tools. I have become stronger.
I knew in our mind-everybody-else’s- business culture that my decision about Gus would be controversial, I didn’t really give it a thought. I had clarity. I was not in need of consoling.
It didn’t matter what other people said or thought, I followed my new guide about decisions: the only people I have to please are me, and Maria. That is the key to self-respect and clarity, I believe.
It’s good to listen, it’s good to think. But in the end, the only face I have to really like is the one in the mirror.
A few months ago we had trouble with a chimney fire, and I called our chimney sweep, a lovely man who couldn’t come for days. I called another company and they showed up quickly, and also cleaned our stoves in a way I had not seen before, and the stoves have never worked more efficiently and effectively.
I hired them on the spot to take care of our stoves. I can remember a time when that would have been a difficult decision for me. it was not a difficult decision, stoves are very important to us in the winter, and they must be safe and clean. I found clarity, a term I use more and more.
A relative asked me if I would attend a family member’s funeral if he died. I said no, absolutely not. We have not spoken in years, I have no connection to him. I felt quite clear about it.
Clarity is the opposite of agonizing and equivocating, it casts aside dithering, guilt and doubt. Clarity can breed arrogance, but I also believe in listening, in researching, in following my own instincts. Killing a dog is a complex and emotional thing, it deserves some hesitation and thought.
It has become apparent to me in recent years that my future as a writer depended on the success of my blog, not just my books. That was a big and difficult decision, I have been a book writer for decades. I am clear about it, it was the right decision for me. I have clarity about it.
But as I have learned to trust my values and instincts and follow them, the fog of confusion and self-doubt seem to have listed. I certainly have my self-doubts, but they are occasional and mild.
Clarity is about making decisions and owing them, taking responsibility for them. I like Hannah Arendt’s idea about moral decisions. You have to like yourself after you make them. That’s the measure. We all face hard decisions in life, things are not always black-and-white.
I also like her idea about the right decisions. They are not about what other people think, they are about what I think. The measure is no what other people would do, it is about what I would do.
Decisions are the foundation of a meaningful life, if we can’t make them, or make the right ones, we cannot possibly to go forward to live the lives we want. I can never be certain I am making the right decision, only that I am making the best decision I can make.
I will never made a more difficult decision, I think, than the one to end a 35-year marriage to a very good person. It was beyond gut-wrenching. It was the right decision, for me, for her. We are both happier now and at peace with one another.
I am clear about it. It was the right thing for me do. If I had agonized or dithered any more, or listened to the wise and cautious people around me, I would never have done it, I could never have done it. If I had listened to all of the people around me, I would never have come to the country, bought my farm, changed my life.
When Donald Trump was elected President, I made an important decision. I was not going to join the angry and self-righteous hordes, not on the left, not on the right. I was going to set out to do good, every day. I believed that was one of the best decisions I have ever made, I was and am very clear about it. It has changed my life.
A few months ago, a friend launched a massive fund-raising operation I could not, for private reasons, support. A number of people were outraged and accused me of cruelty, betrayal, disloyalty, and arrogance. It was the right decision, I was clear about it. I have not looked back or agonized about it.
More and more, I value clarity. It is the very essence of soul and of strength and peace of mind. It is the sister of faith.
it is a great gift – and a great decision – to live an open life.
Truly, and thanks to my blog, I have things in my life that are private, but I have no secrets. When we filed for bankruptcy a few years ago, I wrote about it right away. I was clear that to hide was to live in shame.
The decision was transforming. Rather than feeling guilt and shame, I simply began our economic recovery and moved on. A number of people wrote me to call me a deadbeat, etc. Nuts to them, they are flies on the ass of elephants.
Clarity, not money, is the pathway to security for me. If I am clear about my decisions, it follows that I will lead the life I wish to lead. No one else can decide that for me
Yesterday and this morning, I ordered three things for the Mansion with funds donated by the Army Of Good.
The first was what is called a realistic baby, a life-like baby doll designed especially for elderly people with memory disorders or problems. The doll feels like a human baby and offers comfort and nurturing opportunities, which so many older people greatly miss. The good dolls are expensive, and the one I ordered was just over $200. I also ordered replacement diapers, this baby has a heartbeat and also drinks water, and thus can be changed.
We have a particular resident in mind, everyone feels she needs something like this, the realistic babies have been very successful elsewhere.
This morning, I ordered two things, also for residents with sight and memory problems. They are both called activity aprons, one is a sensory apron that offers activities, the aprons go on a residents lap and are easily transported. They cost about $50 apiece.
These aprons are designed to deal with the boredom that often afflicts people with memory disorders, since they can’t always participate in normal activities. It also helps keeps fingers fluid which helps with dressing and using utensils, and stimulates the mind.
These are among the new and proven tools for giving needy elderly people things to do, they promote memory and mental agility also.
I’ve been exploring, with the Mansion’s help, these new tools for the residents. It’s exciting. And it matters.
About a month ago, I suggested to RISSE, the refugee and immigrant center that they publish an Amazon Wish List of things they needed for the afternoon. In just a few weeks, the Army of Good purchased nearly $10,000 desperately needed items from chairs to lamps to school supplies, games, puzzles and learning software.
The list will be a permanent opportunity for people to support the refugees in the most direct way. I will also continue to do my refugee support simultaneously.
This morning, I suggested to Mansion Director Morgan Jones that the Mansion also consider publishing such a list of things the residents need. People love to donate in this form, it is direct and avoids middlemen and administrative costs. She loved the idea, and I think it will happen soon.
I will continue my independent role, apart from the wish list, in looking to fill the holes in the residents lives and look for personal things that people need. The realistic babies are that kind of thing, so are activity aprons, also called “busy” aprons, and the special reading books that I am so impressed with from reading2connect.
But the wish list will give people who want to help an inexpensive and very simple – and always available – way to do it. Together, we can continue to build on the pioneering work we are doing to reach out to people who have been left behind and help them navigate their lives. And I am working with the Mansion to use new technologies like wish lists
If you wish to support my work, you can send a donation to The Gus Fund, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or to me via Paypal, [email protected]. Please mark your contributions “Mansion.”
I’ll keep you all posted on the wish list. I like the approach of tailoring our giving to the individual and personal needs of the residents. The Mansion staff is very open to the idea, although it is somewhat new to them.
Today, the RISSE refugees are coming to the Mansion to help serve lunch to the residents and share the stories of their lives with them. They both are discovering how much they have in common with one another.
Two worlds meet: Ali and the heart of the soccer team
