Day: July 2, 2018

Lisa only smiles when we talk of her late husband, killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan, or when someone offers help  help children, Mudasir, seven and Baseer, 5. Her love for them all is touching and uplifting.

I think she will be smiling on Wednesday, I hope so, she is just 27, and has a beautiful smile. Last week, I asked for help in raising $500 to take Mudasir and Baseer to Wal-Mart to buy some clothes and toys, the first new clothes the boys have ever had and the first new toys also.

Ali and Lisa will be there, and so will I. Thinks just lifts my heart right up, we make our own good news since they won’t give us any. I will also be bringing a new Black and Decker lightweight vacuum for Lisa, to help clean her current apartment, filled with mice and roaches, and prepare for the new one she is getting in September.

Her husband was killed because he was working for the Americans. We hope to give something back for the same reason.

This is a wonderful and deserving family, Lisa is independent and hard-working, we are helping her get to an open field so she can continue to put her new life together in America. She has been living out on the edge, without enough food, or money for things like soap or deodorant or proper lighting. We are taking cafe of those things.

She was very alone, not any longer. If you wish to help you can contribute by sending a check to the Gus Fund, P.O. Box 205, State Route 22, Cambridge, N.Y., or via Paypal, [email protected]. You can also make a one-time donation in any amount through the donate button at the bottom of the blog.

Please note there that your contribution is for the refugees or the Mansion residents. Thanks so much for making this happen, I think we will all be smiling on Wednesday..

Lisa’s new vacuum cleaner

In this video are some remarkable and wrenching and beautiful moments, here Carol and Ed  begin to say goodbye, something both have been reluctant to do. Leaving such great love is almost unbearable.

Ed told me he wants our videos to be honest and authentic, I made that promise to him and I will keep it. There is nothing false about him or Carol. So I kept the camera running. They both saw the video afterwards and thanked me for taking it.

There is always a point with an illness like this where the people who love the dying give up on miracles and cures and magical thinking, and accept what is upon them. This is both heartbreaking and beautiful and uplifting and inspirational.

I think the moment came yesterday, we all knew where we are, so does Ed.

When I shot this video with Ed, I thought it might be our last talk together. His blood sugar has skyrocketed to more than 600, he could not sit up or talk much.

Quite spontaneously, he and I began saying our goodbyes.

Ed held my hand the whole time he talked. Then he began thanking the people in his life, and asked for Carol and  told her he didn’t thing he could hang on much longer. I knew what he was doing, he was asking for permission to go.

Carol said he should do what he needed to do, it was okay. She didn’t like it, she said, but it was all right. Ed has the permission he needs to leave when he is ready to go.

“Please don’t fret,” he pleaded. “I can’t promise that, she said, ” holding and kissing him.

In hospice there is a moment when the patient asks his loved ones for permission to leave, and the members of his or her family tell him or her that it is all right. That is often very hard for everyone, but very necessary for the dying.

People seem to need permission to go, and Carol gave it to Ed with a full and heavy heart. That is what love is, I thought, humbled by this courage and selflessness.

I wonder as they hugged and kissed one another so tearfully if I should turn the camera off, but I know that isn’t what they wanted, and it isn’t what i wanted.

The whole point of these videos is for Ed to share his process in the hope of helping others, and that is what these two brave and generous spirits did yesterday while I sat silently and just watched.

It is such a beautiful and intimate moment, it is difficult to watch it and not cry.

This video is sad to watch in parts, but also important to watch. It reminds us that death is sad, but also beautiful and profound and mystical. Ed and Carol have worked side by side and loved one another for nearly half a century, and here, they both approach their looming separation with grace and courage.

That is truly an inspiration.

We are taught to mourn and lament loss, we often forget to celebrate and give thanks for life. Ed has had a good life, the one he chose, the one he loved, he is surrounded by love and care. I have no reason to think this is his last day, I am not a seer, but as he said, “I can’t do this too much longer.”

And I hope he doesn’t have to do it too much longer.

Ed is not in great pain, I hope he is not ever in great pain. By evening, he was sitting up and we were joking. I’ll shortly see what today  brings. Thanks for watching and sharing. You can follow his and Carol’s writing and story on the Bejosh Farm Journal.

There is another farm saying I can’t remember, I’m going to try and get it out of Ed this afternoon.

In another 100 degree day, the donkeys stay inside of the barn. Lulu comes out when she hears me for a carrot. She gone one. Donkeys know what to do. I need to take her advice and get inside.