Day: March 13, 2010

Photos working again. My command to keep off the road is “no street.” I use “heel” differently than most people, for me it means “cross the street.” Don’t know how that started, butit works, and all four dogs love to race across and down the path. Looking forward to going to medidate Sunday, hope it will bring clarity about things. I am not usually muddled about decisions. If anything, I make them too quickly. So I will slow this one down.

My daughter Emma’s book “90 per cent of the game is half mental” comes out Tuesday and Maria and I will be going to Brooklyn for her book party. On March 26, Em and I will appear together at Red Fox Books in Glens Falls, 7 p.m. I wil be reading from “Rose In A Storm,” a sneak preview. I will also be at the First Annual New York State Book Festival in Albany on April 10.  I remember when she told me that she thought Joe Torre would make a great father, but I told her she was stuck with what she had. Reminder: notecards on Redux. Dog quilts on yesnoquilts.com Mary Kellogg’s book “Whistling Woman” on tbmbooks.com

Having trouble uploading photos tonight – wind and storms around – so I’ll post the old-fashioned way, the way I did for two years on the Farm Journal, through words only.

Getting lots of interesting thoughts about moving  versus staying on. Many people think the farm is an intrinsic part of my creative life, and that Maria and I ought to stay here. Others point out that you take your creativity with you  wherever you go, and one can’t be bound to one place.

I think both points of view are true. The farm has been a wondrously creative place for me, and I know I could be creative somewhere else as well. We change our minds almost daily, which means we are still working it out and haven’t landed. I am truly drawn to the idea of a simpler life, in many ways on many levels. Perhaps that is partly a response to my seeing the farm spin out of control with cows, donkeys, goats, sheep, chickens, dogs and cats. And all the attendant hay, tractors, helpers, vets, farriers, shearers and chaos.

I had an army of enablers helping me live my life, and now it’s mostly down to me. And Maria. And a better creative focus on the dogs. Better, healthier, more realistic.

But I’ve gone from one end to the other and now have to figure out what the middle is. And what having a partner who wants to share my life means as well. I just am not decided yet, and neither is Maria. So I will take my time -a new experience for me, but not more than a week or so. Because one of these days somebody will show up to buy this place, and then it will hit the fan. So I need to be ready. Maria and I are  talking about it a lot. This morning I was ready to take it off the market. This afternoon, I was ready to get my donkeys and sheep back. Too much see-sawing. I’m going to Vermont to the Zen Center Sunday to meditate. Take photos, which I hope I can soon put up.

Thomas Merton wrote than you can’t have a life without faith. True enough. I think you can’t have a meaningful life without love also. I remember telling myself I needed to find love. From a partner. From a friend. From a daughter. From a dog. From anyplace you can get it.

Fear, like misery and pain, is something we will also experience, but love affirms love and balances it, in my mind. Find love wherever you can.