Day: March 28, 2010

Frieda is not one to share her dog bed, or much else, but Lenore climbed right in on top of her Sunday and the two of them dozed together. Maria couldn’t believe it. The Love Dog could charm a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

We are humbled here at Bedlam Farm by racking up 3,000 regular subscribers to Facebook (see the button up on the upper right), where this blog is posted every day. I appreciate the people signing up very much, and since many of them wrote that the blog sometimes inspire them, I am obliged to point out that it is the people who read my books, look at my photos, read the blog who inspire me. From the first, and despite my squirming around about privacy versus openness (I still do that), people have scolded me, encouraged me, advised me, cheered on my photograph – a major reason I stayed with it – bought my books, notecards, supported Maria in her art and work, loved and worried about my dogs and my life.

In my life, an event isn’t real until I post it. I have been open about my trials and triumphs, and I promise that I will continue to be. My life is not important, but our common struggle to give voice to our dreams and stories, overcome fear and discouragement, and celebrate the love of dogs, cats and other animals has created a sense of community.

Returning to Quaker Meeting was an important step for me today. I felt I had come home the minute I walked in the door.  No rules, trappings, requirements, judgments. Just good people gathering in silence and peace and trust. I listened to the wind howling around the Meeting House and I thought, I can’t wait to post a photo from her on the blog. You have all inspired me, and do so every day, and I am grateful.

I have not been lucky with friends. Some, I ran away from. Some ran away from me. I have been one of those driven people who rushes past things like making friends, thinking there is no time. There is time, and I am beginning to make some real friends, some good ones. Friends that make you feel good. That are supportive. That are honest and challenging. I don’t need a lot of friends, just a few. When there is love in your life, you don’t have to run around as much looking for things you need.

At the same time, the notion of Friends had suddenly become a theme in my life. I am back to Quaker Meeting, the Society of Friends. Today, I passed the 3,000 mark on my Facebook Page, and that is a lot of friends, even though the term on FB is “fans” which makes me a bit queasy. Most seem to me to be friends, not fans. I am humbled that that many people would sign up to read my blog. I appreciate it, believe me.

I find that when you stop seeking friends, they appear. When you are open to them, they appear.  When you trust them, they reveal themselves. When you can be a good friend, you find good friends.

I saw a good friend – Christine Nemec of the Redux Gallery – in Dorset, Vt. this afternoon. Sundays I often go out and show Christine my photos and we plan notecard series. The chicken and eggs and flowers cards will be posted on her website shortly. She is getting a lot of calls from all over the country, and some people are buying them over the phone, sight unseen.

I brought her stone wall photos and we agreed to do a notecard series on the stone walls, accompanied by some text from me. And she suggests a “Dogs In The Garden” series of photos for the summer. Good things happen when you have good friends. And learn how to trust them.

Wherever my spiritual wanderings take me, I almost always end up at a Quaker Meeting House (this one, above, in Easton, N.Y.).  When I was deeply troubled as a teenager, I went to the Providence, R.I., Meeting House, and was taken in and given a safe haven. I joined the Society of Friends when I was living in N.J., and attended Meeting for a number of years. I have, in recent years, explored Christianity, Buddhism, looking for a place to land.

Recently, I have gone back to Quaker Meeting. It is the place in the world I have always been the most comfortable, and progress deeply into a beautiful silence and sense of peace and inner light. It seems to me that the Quakers, though their numbers continue to shrink as they do not evangelize or embrace technology, have the perfect philosophy for our times – peace, simplicity, good will, compassion. I went back to Meeting this morning and thought deeply about forgiveness. I see that to forgive others, you first have to forgive yourself.

I felt at home in the Meeting House. I am eager to return. I always seem to come back there.

Maria’s potholders now ship out regularly, and all over the U.S. and some of the world. She is meticulously well organized, unlike me, and has an artistic sense of space and place, unlike me. I am sort of hemorraghing all over the place much of the time. The inside of my head is not a neat or pretty place to be. I love coming across her potholders, quilts, and bags in the farmhouse or the barns. They all look as if they belong. She has a “This Week” list of things to make and do, something that would be unimaginable for me. I hope her sense of order is contagious.

She is changing her website soon to a new one, Full Moon Fiber Arts, the new name of her business. You can see her work now on yesnoquilts.com

I think there is a boundary point in life, beginning at the point of self-awareness, where one can learn enough about life to have regrets, see mistakes, move forward. I learned a lot of shame as a child, for all kinds of reasons, and carry it over. I have made mistakes, regret things. But I am beginning to understand that mistakes are as much a part of life as fear or hope or love, and there is a point where one has to say, I regret them, and choose to live the rest of my life differently. Better. Wiser. Campbell writes that one of the joys of growing older, growing up, is that you can bring experience, wisdom, meaning to life. And perhaps humor and perspective.

Today I am hoping to forgive myself, and to move forward.