Day: December 1, 2011

How many animals? I don’t think I’ve ever quite figured that out, nor, I suspect, will I really. Maria and I talk about it a lot.

A farm is a dangerous thing for animals lovers, because you can always justify more. We have 70 acres and four barns, and four fenced in pasture areas. We could easily handle some horses, goats, sheep and a few cows. Maybe even a pig or two and a bunch of chickens.

I’ve learned that this is a serious psychological issue for me, and I believe that if you don’t take care of the stuff inside of your head, there is no shortage of animals in which to hide and dump your stuff, as they are helpless and dependent and can’t leave or tell us to leave them alone, as healthy  kids learn to do. It is easy to exploit animals to feel good about ourselves, fill the emotional holes in our lives, or hide from our problems.

I have done all of the above. I got drunk on animals when I came to the farm. Fodder for my writing, drama for my life, a distraction from my problems, a moat to keep the world away. At the worst, I had four donkeys, two steers, a dairy cow, three goats, two barn cats and four, sometimes five, dogs. I took photos of them, wrote about them on my blog and in my books, and on book tours people still ask me about every single one of them and are often horrified to learn that they were sold, given away or sent to slaughter.  Animals often pay for human mistakes. I don’t make excuses or apologies, really, as I did the best I could with what I knew, but I have learned from it, and Maria has helped me learn more from it. She loves animals with a great and open heart and depth and her connection to them is a lesson and an inspiration to me.

Together I think we have come a healthy place and a loving place. We have three donkeys (Simon was not anticipated), four dogs, three chickens and two barn cats. We manage these comfortably. The dogs are well trained and easy to be around, and the house is big and can absorb them. We have woods and fenced in areas. Donkeys are little trouble and amuse themselves most of the day, and the chickens are no work really, and greatly add to the atmosphere of the place. Twice a day we check on them, feed and water them, visit with them. The rest of the day is ours to do our work. We love them and often spoil them, but there are not so many that we can’t get to know them or care for them. And they are all healthy and relatively inexpensive. They enrich our loves, and I love sharing the care for them with someone who loves them so deeply.

I have learned to separate my own emotional life from theirs. They are not children, my best friends, my spiritual advisers, my social life, or even all of my work. They do not replace people for me, nor do I confuse them with people. I try not to exploit them to make me feel superior, self-righteous, or to use them to dislike, attack or harm people. I have no problem trusting and loving people who do not love or keep animals, or feel in any way superior to them because I have animals. It’s a choice, not a sacrament.

How many animals?  For me, as many as you can know and love. Not so many that there is not room to build a life with meaningful work and human connection.

The tree sang out to me, and touched me. It is an elegant tree, with one of the best views around. I am grateful for it. Wonderful light, and I believe God speaks to me through the light. I heard him today.

Went to Battenkill Books to sign more copies of “Going Home.” Connie decided that she would only count copies of that book – “Going Home” – in the final count, not “Meet The Dogs Of Bedlam Farm” or any of my other books that she is selling. Connie doesn’t cut corners and is a very straight arrow. So that brings the total down to 700, and we have 300 to go by New Year’s Eve to make our goal of 1,000. We will do it. I will be at the store Friday afternoon from 4 to 6 to take calls and sign books – 518 677 2515 or www.battenkillbooks.com. She is happy but tired. She and her mother Marilyn are on the phone all day, taking orders, helping people, shipping books.  She acknowledges that being lonely is restful, but not satisfying. She is not lonely.

Rusted aluminum barn, Route 40.

I went to Saratoga to get my friend and bookkeeper Anne Dambrowski her Christmas present. Anne has helped me in so many ways, one of them being to take over my disintegrating finances after my divorce and crack-up. I was in such a panic then about money that I was paying all of my bills twice, when the bill came and when the  receipt came (before I moved a lot of it online.) I came home from a book tour one day – Maria picked me up at the airport, she was driving me around on book tours for  Random House at that time, and we came in the house and Anne was sitting grimly at the computer – noone can look grimmer than Anne when she wants to look grim and she was totaling up all of these double payments and she turned to me and said, “it’s time to panic.” And I did, needing more more encouragement. For years, I wouldn’t even come  home if I knew Anne was in the house, I’d drive around taking photos until she left.

Anne is a passionate gardener as well as a bookkeeper and she noticed I was drowning in confusion and offered to help. She hs.

We have stayed with one another, and both of us have grown up in some ways together. I love Anne, and she is so important to me and Maria (she helps Maria with her messes also), she helps make my life possible, if not orderly. Anne can be grim, but mostly, loving and she dotes on the dogs and even smiles at me once in awhile. Anne is organic, and not into tech. I gave her a Kindle two years ago and she seemed to like it.

I wanted to get her a new tablet to help her in her love of books and music, and in her bookkeeping, so I was following the nationwide obsession with Kindle Fire vs. new Nook Tablet. I took this seriously, as I wanted Anne to be happy and I drove Maria bonkers comparing the two and reading the many reviews of each and fussing over my choice. I am not casual about things.

I decided on the Nook Tablet. It is a bit faster and sharper, I thought, although it is $50 more expensive. But it offered a number of things that have been overlooked in the tech reviews. It is not proprietary. You can use it in libraries and also in independent bookstores. Amazon has gotten a little too greedy for me when it comes to bookstores. There is no technological reason that they couldn’t give independent stores a cut of e-books – Barnes & Noble does. Amazon keeps users exclusively  in their retail eo-system and Barnes & Noble doesn’t, at least when it comes to books. I just liked the way it felt and navigated, too. She can also get her e-mail at her various jobs (you can do that on the Kindle Fire too. Both are nice.)

So the bottom line is that  there are many millions more free and commercial books available on the Nook and you can go to any Barnes & Noble store and get assistance if you need it. . I thought Anne would like it. I explained all of this to her, and she actually gave me a hug, which for her is tantamount to running naked through the streets singing. She will be in the Christmas Parade Friday in Cambridge, and I will see her there while I am signing books at Battenkill. I am still afraid of Anne, but mostly love her.

My former girlfriend, the most wonderful woman on the earth, is something of a Bedlam Piper. Wherever she goes, animals move towards her. One of my cherished moments is the morning walk from the farmhouse to the Big Barn. Meg loves to walk with and the donkeys are moving to the gate and Minnie The Barn Cat often comes along too. Maria is an animal magnet, and a communicator in her own right.