“When death
carts me off to the bottomlands
when I begin
the long work of rising —
Death, whoever and whatever you are, tallest kind of tall kings,
grant me these wishes:
unstring my bones;
let me be not one thing but all things, and wondrously scattered,
shake me free from my name.
Let the wind, and the wildflowers, and the catbird
never know it. Let time loosen me like the bead of a flower from its wrappings
of leaves. Let me begin the changes, let me –”
“Gravel,” Mary Oliver.
Maria connected with Rocky today, and it was visible. He sniffs and nuzzles her, and I see the same kind of connection between them that I see between her and the donkeys. Rocky and I have connected also. He lets both of us touch him, stroke his back and neck, and he has begun talking to us, as we are talking to him. Powerful to see.
Animals have a powerful way of opening us up, if you listen to them. I am listening to Rocky. And talking to him.
This is what I said today:
Rocky, I appreciate your wonderful life. Few animals on the earth have been as loved or as well cared for as you. Few have been given the opportunity to be of such loyal and loving service for so long. Every day, I get messages from nice people who want me to take you to my farm. I hope that will not happen.
I have not come to rescue you, as you are not in need of rescue.
I have not come to pity you, as you are not in need of pity.
I have not come to save you, as you are not in need of saving.
My wish is for you to keep your life, as long as it is possible. I am aware how difficult it is for an older animal to leave their home of more than 30 years, especially with your poor sight. You could easily be harmed by tripping on a hill or a rock or by the donkeys, as all of the animals would begin establishing territory, jockeying for position, drawing boundaries. Even poor Simon was kicked in the head for months for daring to enter Lulu and Fanny’s pasture. I can’t imagine a worse trauma for you. Humans mean well, but animals pay for their confusion and projections. All kinds of animals spend their lives in crates inside of buildings because people think they are being good.
Here, you sense where to go, where the barn is, the water, the hay and the grass. Elsewhere, you would be struggling in the dark to figure it all out, and how stressful for you, a fortunate creature who has lived in only one place his whole life.
So, Rocky, I am not here for that. I am here for you. I am not here to make me feel good, although I do feel good. I hope I am here for you. To bring you apples. So you can hear some loving human voices. To meet Maria. To take your photos, as I love taking your picture. To open me up and make me more human. I guess that is for me.
But I want you to know that I respect your life, and will not take you away from it, or drag you to a life of my choosing rather than yours. I will value every day we see one another. I know you are old and coming near the end of your life, and I know that one day you will not be here when I come. You are aging, and you look it and I respect that also. So each day, I thank you for our friendship for the chance for me to see such a wonderful life and the creature who lived it.
I’ve had my eye on this happy dairy cow in Shushan for awhile, but just got the light right today, and was touched by this very beautiful old stone wall. I’d get milk here.
In March, winter seems to have made an appearance, and I am grateful for it, to get touch of the winter landscape in beautiful Shushan.
These are the original window locks in the farmhouse, and they are graceful, and I love to watch them when the sun rises and touches the windows. I love thinking of the craftsmanship that went into window locks, and almost everything on the farm.
