I am having some success at dealing with fear this week, the convergence of moving, trying to sell Bedlam Farm, dealing with a lot of financial and construction projects, caring for animals and publishing a new book has pressured me, brought up some old issues and helped me see them clearly. I am coming to see fear as a disease, often one that is virally transmitted. The spiritual counselors say that what comes in during the day comes up during the night, and for the first time, I am seeing very clearly that fear is a symptom, a disease unto itself, and when you see it that way, you detached yourself from it, and you perceive and react to it differently.
I wake up afraid of things – money, finishing the work on the new farm, the details of moving, address changes, my mind scanning for trouble. And then, I see it from a bit of a distance. This is a symptom, this is a kind of illness, this is a reflection of so much fear and worry in the outside world, it leeches in all day. So I am sleeping, getting back to sleep. A confidence in myself is growing, a sense that things will work out, one way or another, and that I can take some breaths, slow it down, let others help me.
This is different for me. For most of my life I always saw fear as the reality, alternative thinking a delusion. Now I see that fear is the delusion, and if you bow to it, it will just gobble you up and make you its snack. As it has so many of the people I see around me.