Somebody asked me the other day what the purpose was of a meaningful life, what the goals were, and I said I couldn’t speak for anyone else but myself. It is – can be, should be – a personal and individual decision. We seem sometimes to think that because we have found a direction, then we must push it on everyone. I have worked hard to understand myself ever since I found that the world no longer made sense for me, and that I did not understand it or me. I wanted to understand the truth about me and what I have come to see more than anything else, is that I recognized that I am and will always be flawed and that I am learning how to be truthful.
When I say something or write something I stop now and ask myself if it is really the truth. Is it self-serving? Am I deluding myself? Am I being authentic? I have also come to see and accept that I am not looking or expecting to be perfect. To be without fear, anger or fault. I am always seeking growth and chance and acceptance, working to be better and more whole, but I also accept that I am a human being. Sometimes I will be irritable, intolerant, angry. All I can do is accept that this is a part of being a human. Own up to it, grow and learn from it. There is nothing awful or difficult that happens – nothing – that does not have benefit or meaning. To me, that is the essence of the human, the spiritual, experience.
So this is what I see when I meditate and consider my own evolving sense of spirituality. I am flawed. I am learning to be truthful. There is something liberating in that for me.