Day: August 26, 2014

I went to my orientation for cardiac rehab today in Vermont, I met with Patty the rehab nurse and spent a half-hour with my cardiologist, Dr. Annisman. It was good to go, this was the longest talk I have had with any doctor or nurse about my surgery and heart before, during or after my open heart surgery. Dr. Annisman explained what a heart attack really is,  how my heart works, how the damage to my heart was “trivial” but not minor, why fluids build up in post-op patients.  We talked about exercise and the heart, and what I might expect from walking, biking and other exercises.

Health care moves very quickly in our country, and is intensely scheduled, it was valuable to me to get to ask my doctor all of the questions that had built up inside of me for weeks, I had not yet had the chance to understand my surgery or the damage to my heart.

Patty is nice, warm and helpful, she said I can leave rehab any time, we would work to understand exercise and monitor it’s impact on the heart, to make sure my medications were the right ones in the right amount and strengthen my upper body, neglected in all of the exercise I have been doing. Good goals, meaningful to me. I was not comfortable in that room, it did not seem a cheerful place for me, I felt a bit deflated about being there and going back. I suppose that is natural, it is not a place I ever imagined myself, it was not in my image of myself.

I begin rehab tomorrow, I’ll have a better feel for it then. Still and all, I found this somehow an uplifting experience. Patty said I looked great, so did Dr. Annisman, he thought my heart is strong and healthy, I had to be careful about my sternum for awhile, but my heart is ready to go. And so am I.

Sitting in one of the chairs, waiting for the doctor, I thought that this is my time. I am at an age of wisdom, humor and some experience, I feel like I know some things now, that I am answering some of the questions that have pursued me all of my life. I am comfortable with who I am, increasingly aware of the gift I have been given, a healthy heart, a second chance. A friend  told me this afternoon that I seemed refreshed, more focused and energized than I had been for a long time, long before my surgery.

I believe this is true. I have been saved, given rebirth to life, this is nothing less than a miracle, and an opportunity to accomplish some of the goals that remain in my life, but which I was beginning to give up on. I was spared more years of decline and fatigue, of worry.

I have plans for big books, for much love, for many photographs, long walks, time with friends, therapy work with Red, fun trips, experiences to share and learn from. Looking around my rehab room, I thought I have a choice.

I can see this as a depressing place, full of the detritus of the ill, or I can see it as a beautiful place, a hall of mirrors, reflections of my life ahead, of my strong steps, of my beating heart. You are getting a lot more blood to your brain, and the doctor said, you will come to feel it soon if you have not already.

But I have, I said, smiling, I have. Perhaps I will ask my heart to dance in the rehab room tomorrow, we will sail between the treadmills and the digital bikes. This is my time, I have been waiting for it.

Are you the crazy one?

The one who is not entitled to be happy?

Or follow your dreams?

Are you the foolish one?

Have you not saved up enough money to be safe six times

over when Armageddon strikes and the power finally goes out for good?

Are you the impulsive one, who thinks you can follow the inner voice,

that tells you to love your life and thank the Gods for every single day of your existence?

Perhaps you are one of the sane ones? Do you live a hollow life?

Languishing in jobs you hate, in places you don’t want to live,

for things you care nothing about?

Are you following the rules?

Do you work for people who care nothing for you, know nothing about you?

Would throw you in the trash as soon as tell you how important you are to them?

Did you talk to your investment counselor today to see if your IRA is big enough

to keep you alive for 25 extra years in a meaningless life without purpose or joy?

Are you enslaved?

Are you one of the sane ones?

Who watch cable TV every day or go on Facebook every hour

to learn who to hate  today, and what to buy, and who to fear?

Are you one of the crazy ones,

Who never seems to fit?

Then I love you,

Please dance with me tonight,

under the crystal chandeliers,

they call the stars.

Something new and, for me, very exciting for the blog. I’ve been trying to figure out for years how to show some of my photos here and Chris Archibee and the gifted geeks at Mannix Marketing have helped me to figure out it, the new Bedlam Farm Photo Gallery, a collection of some photos that I like and that I think are special and represent the farm and some of my work. It will be going up live later today. Some of my photos are for sale, you can ask Maria ([email protected]) if you are interested.

Mostly though, I just want a place on the blog where people can browse my photographs, the gallery will be accessible from a box at the top of the Farm Journal Page. I’m starting with about a dozen photos, I will add new ones as I go.

I feel strongly about the misuse of the term abuse, in part because of Simon. People who think the Central Park carriage horses are abused do not know what abuse is, they ought to have seen Simon when he came to us, legs twisted, teeth grown into his jaw, hooves sticking out a foot – he walked on his ankles because he had never been trimmed. He has lice and sores and his eyes were infected. On October 7, my next book “Saving Simon: How A Rescue Donkey Taught Me The Meaning Of Compassion” will be published, and the following week Simon and I will be signing books together at the Bedlam Farm Open House on Columbus Day Weekend, an art show, herding demo and donkey celebration. I’m sort of glad to be alive too.

I saw Connie Brooks from Battenkill Books yesterday at the Round House Cafe and she asked me how many book sales in her wonderful bookstore we were going for. I said 2,000. She paled, then gulped. Okay, she said, okay. We both know what that means, long  hours of signing and shipping books after hours and on weekends. She takes Paypal and ships anywhere in the world. You can also call the store at 518 677-2515. There are already hundreds of orders for “Saving Simon,” we should be able to hit 2,000.

Connie and I have a neat thing going, anyone who orders or pre-orders books from her bookshop, my local bookstore, will received a signed and personalized copy of the book. In addition, anyone who orders a book will be eligible for some give-aways; dog food from Fromm Family Foods, potholders from Maria, signed notecards from me. This way, people can celebrate Simon, support my writing, help a wonderful independent bookstore remain wonderful and independent.

Simon is the sweetest and most wonderful animal, he greets me every morning with a boisterous bray and he loves to be touched, brushed and kissed on the nose, which I do every morning. He is an inspiration to me, when I had my open heart surgery, I thought of Simon and his call to life and I decided to try and do the same thing.

Simon and I will be signing books together at the Bedlam Farm Open House details on Maria’s website) and also at Battenkill Books. I will be doing a signing there on October 7 and also Sunday morning before the Open House at 9 a.m., October 12th.

This book is important to me, Simon is a symbol of our love for animals, our commitment to saving them from real mistreatment and abuse, and the wonderful things they can show us and teach us. Simon taught me the real meaning of compassion, one of the hardest and most valuable lessons in my life. The book comes out October 7, I hope that you will consider ordering it from Connie Brooks if you decide to purchase it. We need independent bookstores in our world. We need Simon too. This is a great marriage of ideals.