Day: July 9, 2018

I met Carol Gulley in cardiac rehab at a hospital in Bennington, Vt., we were both walking on adjoining treadmills. The meeting changed both of our lives. Carol is one of those amazing people who are so self-effacing, modest and shy that you can miss the very wild and crazy side of her.

Watching her care for her husband of more than four decades is a lesson in love and dedication and empathy, she feels every single thing he feels, good or bad. Carol is a friend, and also a student in my writing class, she writes very well, as readers of the Bejosh Farm Journal know well.

Like Ed, animals are woven all through her life, she talks to them, loves them, invites many of them into her house. As I stood outside the door tonight, a Peacock went rushing by, a goat named Sadie was bleating by the barn, four (five?) big shaggy dogs were lounging around the house and the years, and two calves were waiting for Carol to come out and play with them.

Two cats were inside.

At the usual time, about 5:30, Ethel the hen came trotting by to come into the house to say goodnight to Ed, or to Carol. “Come on in, Ethel,” Carol says in her high-pitched animal voice, and Ed, if he is awake, yells out a greeting to Ethel.

Ethel marches into the side room of the house, where Ed’s hospital bed is, clucks and squawks a bit, gets a treat from Carol, and then marches out to her special place in the barn. Ethel, you see, is a member of the family, as all of the animals are, including Oz, the very talkative Cockatiel who listens to Yankee baseball games with Ed, and offers his own commentary.

Carol is carrying a staggering load on her shoulders with grace, love and even some humor. I see that the animals lift her  up. Every day, she goes out to the barn to play with the two new calves. They can’t wait to see her.

Farmers are often plagued by regulators and know-nothing animal rights ideologues, but if you know most farmers, you see right away that they are the world’s greatest animal lovers. That is because they live with animals, they don’t just sign petitions about them.

I’ve had chickens for 15 years and I never once thought to have one come into the kitchen every day to say good night. Carol doesn’t even know it’s unusual. I am very grateful for that treadmill in the rehab  center.

Carol is almost all heart, and it needs to be healthy and strong.

We spent several  hours this afternoon sitting with Ed and Carol Gulley. I sat with Ed, and then Maria sat with Carol, and then I sat with Carol and Maria went out to help Carol’s tomato garden get planted.

I had a quiet and deeply spiritual time with Ed. He was asleep and exhausted, and he opened his eyes only once, to say hello to me and tell me he could not stay awake. Don’t worry about it, I said, we will sit together in silence.

I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said no, please stay. So I did. I loved sitting there with him in silence. We still felt quite connected to one another.

I saw that Ed is thinner and Carol says his body is weaker. He is no longer able to sketch the way he was, or paint on jars and bottles, at least not today. I am glad I got to offer some of  his sketches and acrylic painting on glass for sale.

The Hospice aide is coming  tomorrow, they will help him be comfortable and polish and trim his nails.

Today, I made the decision to no longer photograph him while he is lying in bed. He was unable to do a video today, and I am not sure he will be able to do any more. If he does, I will videotape him so long as he can  sit up and speak to the camera.

For me, it is a dignity issue. Time to stop.

Maria and Carol are good friends, and Carol needed to talk. I could hear their warm voices out in the kitchen, we both felt she needed to talk today, we were glad we were there. Maria is easy to talk to, open and loving.

I asked Carol she also wanted to do a video with me and talk about what was happening, I apologized for not asking sooner, and she said she wanted to think about it.  She has very thoughtful things to say.

I joined them for a half hour or so and Carol talked openly and honestly about her expectations and emotions. She is strong and perceptive, she is bracing herself for what may come, it might be the worst or it might be the best, she doesn’t know.

I brought over the special sheets she had asked me to get for Ed’s hospital bed, I got them delivered overnight from Amazon. Tomorrow, she asked if I could bring some fresh strawberries from the farmer’s markets.

I said I would be happy to come over with strawberries and sit for Ed.

There is no further need for art supplies.

She said she sees Ed getting weaker by the day, and sleeping more. He is still eating well, and at times, quite clear. Every day, he is weaker, thinner, more tired and increasingly confused about time and place.

No one knows how long Ed’s body will be able to handle this.  I hope Ed has more to say, I also think that almost everything that can be said has been said.

We took Flo to the vet this morning, she said she wasn’t sure what was wrong, but she suspected it might be a viral infection that other cats in the area have been experiencing. She prescribed some antibiotics, first by needle, them by pills.

Good vets take their best shot, but barn cats are very hard to diagnose. They go everywhere and eat a lot of strange things.

I had a sinking feeling watching the examination, Flo just seems very sick to me, and she seems to be sinking ever since we got her home. She is disorienting, has a hard time standing up and the spark is completely gone from her eyes.

I think Dr. Fariello made a smart decision to try antibiotics, it can’t hurt and might help. But this seems deeper to me that that.

Flo won’t eat tonight, or sit upright, and has barely moved.

Flo got up once to come and lie in my lap when I sat down in my chair, and I sat and stroked her for awhile, that rattled my heart a bit. She loves to sit in my lap when I am in the farmhouse, and when she is.

Flo is the first cat I have truly connected with to this degree.

The antibiotics have had no impact on her so far, and you can never be absolutely certain about animals.  Contrary to popular belief, they cannot tell us when they wish to die. That’s the stewards job.

In the morning, she might well be herself. Whatever happens in the morning, we will not let her suffer, she is a proud and fiercely independent creature who has lived her cat life quite fully (and sometimes, murderously.)

She is a very special animal and a great presence on our farm.

In the morning, I would be very happy to tell you that  she is eating and recovering. She is a great barn cat, a wonderful free spirit. She has lived the life of a barn cat fully and contentedly.She has never gone near the road or endangered herself.

We’ll see in the morning.

I am quite in love with this new and pretty final banner logo that Abrah Briggs, my wonderful friend and artist from Vermont, created after a few days of back and forth.

You might notice there  is a dog in it, and I have repeatedly said there would not be a dog in the banner, and written at some length why.

“If  you don’t contradict yourself on a regular basis, then you’re not thinking,” wrote Malcom Gladwell in one of his books.

In fact, it is my responsibility as a human being to change my thinking often and openly, just look at the damage  being done to our country by the people who can’t or won’t.

Thanks to the people who kept pestering me about the dogs. I am stubborn, but I do hear everything said to me, in one way or another. Abrah deserves the credit, but I am glad I wanted something different and original.

Abrah got it right.

She is, as I already knew,  a brilliant artist. I am so grateful to have her banner on the top of my new and redesigned blog (most of the changes are structural, not visual.)

The only other thing I am asking Abrah for is for the dog to be the color red, after the real Red. The sketch even looks like Red.

I love the three animal elements, the belly dancing sheep, the vigilant border collie, the book-reading chicken. It’s just the right attitude for my blog, and also for my mind. I take the blog very seriously, but not too seriously.

I also love the type face, it is modern, different and visually compelling. It has dignity and a sense of humor. If is different.

I asked Abrah to give the banner  dignity, but to make the animals make a little fun of it and my pretensions. She did it.

All of these elements are founded in truth.

Maria belly dances, Red stands watch over the farm (yes, dogs are a big part of my life) and our chickens are sensitive, and we like to think, somewhat thoughtful. The chicken signals that this isn’t just a farm animal blog.

Thanks for your input, and special thanks to Joy Windle who suggested on Facebook that we have a hen nesting on one of the letters. Abrah took it from there.

Thanks to Susan Popper for reminding me about Abrah and to Maria for suggesting the hen be reading a book. Thanks to me for listening to all of them.

Hopefully, there are interesting things to read on the blog, but there also a lot of interesting animals. And yes, of course a dog does belong up there.

This is the right statement for my new blog and Abrah was the artist to bring it to life.  I so enjoyed working with her, she is the very best.

I’d like her to design my life.

Please check out her wonderful work, lots of people are.

 

In the garden today, a church of color and light.