I receive messages every day from people suffering the most intense grieving for their dogs, cats or other animals. This is a subject I want to write more about. Andrea put her Boston Terrier down after $9,000 in surgical and other bills and is so tormented by her decision that she hasn’t slept for  weeks and is on medication. She may lose her job as well, as she can’t focus on her work.

As animals mean more and more to people, animal grieving is becoming a problem. I told Andrea she needs to give herself permission to say goodbye, and to let go. She made the best  decision she could for the dog, it is a personal one and only she can make it, and now it is time to move on. There are lots of other dogs out there who need a place to go.

Animals are not people. They are not children. They are not spouses or life partners. We ought not mourn them the same way we mourn people, as it is disservice to humans and animals. As much as we love them, they do not live nearly as long as we do, and if we want a life with animals, we will experience loss and grief.

The epidemic guilt is another matter. Vets tell me they are struggling mightily with animal grieving, and few of them are trained to deal with it. It is become worse, even extreme. I think the process of coming to terms with losing an animal begins before you get the animal. Do you have a vet you trust and can talk to?

Do you know how much money you will spend and can afford? Does the dog’s illness or death raise other issues in your life from other times? I am working on a philosophy I call Ethical Grieving, which involves perspective,  boundaries and an understanding that we are the only advocates our dogs and cats and other animals have. Contrary to popular belief, they will not tell us when it’s time. These decisions are ours and ours alone to make on their behalf, and they never need us more than when we find the strength and wisdom to make them well. I will return to this subject in the next few weeks. It’s important.