To train a dog, you have to get your head straight. I see dogs as wondrous animals. I want to calm them, ground them, train them. Many people love the story of the grieving dog, the one who loves his or her human so much they literally pine a way if they die or leave. I don’t like that story. Nor do I believe it is typical or common.

I want my dogs to be grounded adaptable, secure and socialized. If I die, I don’t want them to starve to death missing me. I don’t see the appealing part of that story, which is to me, largely myth. Millions of dogs are rehomed and rescued and otherwise separated from their people, and very few of them starve to death in mourning and grief, thankfully. When a dog pines, we don’t really know why. They could be confused, dysfunctional, or just terrified.

If I die, my wish for my dogs is that they move on, and be happy with Maria or somebody else. If they can’t do that, then I will have failed as a trainer, and in many ways, as a human being. To wish martyrdom for my dogs, so that I can say they really loved me seems selfish and not at all about them.

This is important when it comes to training. Because it is a businesslike thing which asks a lot of the human: that we be calm, focused, businesslike, consistent. I begin my training with food, and then back off of that, turning to attention, work and what I call calming training – 15 to 20 minutes of lie downs, sits, stays in the morning, then again at night, every day of the dog’s life if I can find the time. This is part of communicating. I choose play spots carefully – no playing in the house. I have a lot of quiet time. Sitting together while I read, write, sit out in the pasture. Socializing is critical. Young dogs need a lot of time in different situations.

I’ll get into more details later, but the first leg for me is to be focused in how I view my dogs, much as I love them. They are animals, not people. I don’t want them to be martyrs. I want them to be calm, grounded. To pay attention to me. To know their names. To enter my life quietly and to know how to be still. And for them to have the direction, exercise and attention that all dogs need. Although many people to not like to hear it, food is central to training, at least initially. Dogs pay attention to food, mostly (or if something else works, that’s good too) and is a good way to get them to focus on you and your voice, and your eyes. One calming exercise: get treats or meatballs or beef jerky, hold it up to  your eyes, say the dog’s name and then throw it. Teaches them to pay attention.

My wish for my dogs is that they have busy, happy and rounded and loving lives. With me or without me. I would be very sad to think of any of them pining to death because I was not around. Not a story that appeals to me. It is, to me, the epitomy of selfishness. But that’s just me.