For me, I believe compassion begins with the understanding that my problems and pains and sorrows are no worse than anyone else’s and that, in this way we are all the same. I do not believe – any longer – that  others are better off than me, even if they have more money, are better known. A famous television producer came to the farm the other day to meet me – he has read my books – and we did not talk about his fame or my writing, but the struggle to be good fathers, to find meaning in life, to make real friendships and love our wives and children in the best possible way. To age well.

In this way, we connected. People write me often about fear saying they want to be less afraid, but they have real problems – money, illness, divorce, mortgages. They do not see me as being like them, and often, I do not see them as being like me. That is changing, a powerful benefit of the mystic experience. By understanding that CEO’s and Congressmen and women and movie stars and famous authors and ordinary people live in the same way I do – struggling with fear, confusion, death, money, meaningful work – then I can begin to really understand people, truly write about them, and most important, make a genuine connection with them. At readings, people tell me again and again that I am not what they expected. I am nice, they say, a gentlemen, open to them, treat them respectfully. They assume, I think, that I must be something different than that, because I am a “successful” writer. This is one reason I was so committed to sharing my real life on this blog.

Because we are not different, truly. Your life isn’t better than mine, and mine isn’t better than yours. We all feel struggle and anger and sorrow, and this is where we connect. It is part of life, the universal experience.  And in this way we can begin to love all life, something my wonderful wife already understands.

So this is the root of compassion for me, the reason I have stopped telling sad stories and struggles stories. Because I know now that my problems are not different from yours, and life is the same for all of us in the most important ways (I know a man who is  a powerful CEO and he is in terror and frustration 14 hours a day.).  I just read a movie star’s book and have rarely read a more painful struggle, every day.

So I work hard to imagine the real lives of other people and no longer assume that their problems are different than mine. I no longer say, well, easy for them to say. They are rich, they are successful, they are safe. What about my life, my obligations, my royalties? We all bear our burdens It is part of life. We are the same. That is the sacred part of us, and for me, the beginning of compassion.