Where is Rose? When I saw her topple over a couple of weeks ago, just before a book tour on grieving for animals, I wondered if she was leaving the world just as I wrote about losing beloved pets. There was a powerful symmetry to that. It did not happen.
Rose has been to the vet, had her anti-biotics, anti-inflammatories, painkillers, X-rays. The vet isn’t sure what was wrong with Rose, and neither am I. He’s ready to do more tests. I’m not.
My sense of her is that she has had enough running around. Her legs seem sore, tired, she doesn’t move as quickly, get around the sheep as fast. Well, neither do I. Americans seem to have been taught that the process of life triggers panic, alarm, confusion, medications, money and tests.These have all the answers. Rose isn’t going that route.
I’m not so sure, not for her, not for me. Many people diagnosed her over the Internet, prayed for her, worried about her, gave me their ideas, experiences home remedies. Odd, I thought, how the animal world keeps paralleling the human world. We seem perpetually stunned and panicked by life and by the fact we wil all be taking the same trip, one way or another, people and pets. We can’t really stop it, only choose how we wish to do it, and manage the quality of life we have left. We are taught to urge others to do what we do, rather than let them make their own choices.
I took Rose out to the pasture last night to take a look at her. The last few weeks have reminded me how much I love working with her, how good we are together. She is keen, confident, efficient. She has definitely slowed, changed, and no wonder. She’s been kicked a hundred times, run over, been infected, poisoned, trampled, cut and butted. She is not old, but her pace and demeanor has changed. Fow now, that’s my diagnosis. For now, no more tests, trips to the vet.
I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. This is how I do it. In my own head.
This is, I think, where I think Rose is in life. Less work, more thoughtul work. Not retirement, but not her previous load either. I don’t want to rely on vets and tests and pills just now, but on my own sense of her, honed over thousands of hours of working together. We forget sometimes that we know our dogs better than anyone, and our society teaches us to trust everyone but ourselves. I trust myself. I will do well by Rosie. That means watching her, listening, changing my mind if necessary.
I love the Rose I saw last night. Working through hordes of gnats, flies, mosquitoes (hurricane legacy), focused, professional, undeterrable, smart. This is how I will keep her. That’s where we will leave it.For now.
You are invited to come along and take a look for yourself. See what I saw.
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