Anna Freud wrote that for many people, the struggle is two integrated the different parts of ourselves. Many of us feel much fear, but also possess a great deal of strength. It is almost never one thing or the other.  I was shaped to a great degree as a fearful little boy, beset by terrors real and imagined. But a part of me is strong, creative, determined, and resilient.  Like so many fearful people, I have accomplished a great deal, things that require strength. For me, much of my work as an adult – and as a writer – has been introducing these two parts of me – the fearful and the strong – to one another.

Anna Freud says this integration of the self is often the most important work we have to do as adults learning to live in the world. One can choose to succumb to the culture of fear and disaster that increasingly shapes the world around us, or we can set out on our own to choose a different way and recognize the creative, strong and powerful parts of ourselves. This, in itself, requires great strength. Sometimes, in meditation, the older man meets the little boy, hiding in his room in the dark, shivering in fear.

He puts his arm around the boy and he tells the boy what he so desperately wants to hear: “it’s all right, you are good, you are strong, you will make your way in the world, find what you love, what you need. It’s all right. I promise you, I am there.” And the boy sobs with relief, and then sleeps deeply and in a nourishing way. In a sense, the spiritual life is the search for the integrated self. For these different parts of us to meet and embrace, and become one.