Day: February 29, 2012

 

At my Tarot Card Reading yesterday in Brattleboro, Patti Newton showed me the five elements of life, and I saw in them my choices and challenges, my Dilemma of the Lion, the elements of my life, and its transition from one way of thinking to another. Is this not the path to enlightenment? To inner peace? To a spiritual life? To awakening? I understand now that I am separating myself for good from the way most people think, from what the news says, what political leaders say, what doctors say. I am comfortable with that, or almost. It is where I belong, and I know that. The certainty comes from very deep within.

From Irritability and Rage to Joy.

From Anxiety to Love.

From Grief, Regret and Lament to Clear Thinking, A Life with Understanding and Acceptance, Not Drama.

From Fear to Inner Strength.

From Anger to Wisdom.

Yesterday, someone wrote me that they did not understand why worry is not love. Her father is dying of cancer, and should she not worry?  I thought it is not for me to tell her how to think and whether to worry or not. That is up to her.  My father is gone also, and my mother, too, and many friends and loved ones, including  children. And speaking only for myself,  worry never did any of them any good, or slowed their departure for a second. Or brought them back.

I still feel the grief of their loss sometimes, but this is what binds us, as it is one of the very few experiences we all share. And when I grieve, I stop and realize that every person reading this, reading my books, driving past me, that I see on the street, has lost a mother, or a father, or a dog, or a friend, or a child or loved one. This experience is not mine alone. Grieving and drama will not be my life. This is where we connect as human beings. And I give thanks for the presence of these people in my life, even if they are gone. That acceptance is what I mean by clear thinking for me.

And is this an important part of the message. We are all going to deal with life, one way or the other, again and again, and this can be very sad, but it is also the truth and reality of life, and I am coming to see and accept that.

The story of the Lion and the Lamb.

 

I don’t know anybody quite like Ben Osterhaudt, and that’s too bad, because the world would be a better place if there were more Bens. Ben came over to help us prepare the house for moving, and he climbed up to the top of the Carriage Barn and pulled down the big Christmas Wreath, which has been hanging up there for two years. Ben doesn’t often need a ladder, as he is a monster and can reach things most people can’t quite see. I caught him hauling his ladder and puffing on his ever-present cigarette. I was surprised he wore a hat.  We leave a list of things to do on the kitchen counter and Ben comes in, stares down Frieda, and simply goes down the list. He’s fixing a dryer vent now. We are ready to move, as soon as our buyer appears. Soon.

Ben and I had our first real technology talk this morning.I’ve tried a hundred times, but hit a wall usually. When Ben doesn’t want to do something, he just laughs and walks away.  Ben reluctantly just got a cell phone. He doesn’t go online, have a computer, a website, or e-mail. His favorite recreation is being alone in the woods.  I’ve been plotting to get him an Ipad for some time now, but every time I ask him, he just shrugs. What for, he always asks?

Today, I tried again, showing him my monitor, Apple writing display, Aperture photo program,  and how my Ipad can take photos, be a calendar and could help him order parts and check prices for his restoration work. Hmmm, he said, this is kind of cool. Maybe I should think about it. Maybe it’s time for me to take some photos of my work and do a catalogue or something. Maybe so.  A big ray of light. Since Ben never goes online, I can write about this here.The new Ipad3 is coming out, and that means Ipad2’s and others will be available cheaply. Ipads without wireless connections – Wi-Fi would be fine for him – are not that expensive. I was not planning to get an Ipad3, as I love my Ipad2, but I now hear that Siri the personal assistant will be in the Ipad3, and when Maria heard that, she said, oh-oh, you are getting an Ipad3. No, no. She thinks I am in love with Siri. This is not so. She is just a chip in an Ipad.