I called Mannix Marketing today and told them I wanted them to add a “Contribute” Button to the blog. It was a hard decision for me, to make, I have resisted it for years. But it needn’t have been a hard decision, and I understand my unease about it mostly had to do with old issues and attitudes in my tormented subconscious. People have the right to not contribute – the blog will still be free. People have the right to contribute if they wish.

There is really nothing difficult about the idea, even less for me to be uncomfortable about.  People pay for things they want or need or use all of the time. The blog is expensive to maintain, so is the camera equipment and lenses that go into the photographs here. People understand that. NPR does it all the time. So do many good blogs and websites. The problem was me, the spasms of the Big Shot, I think, the man who didn’t have to think about money and bought a new L.L. Bean jacket every year because he never could find the old ones. When Maria came to live with me, she ended up taking a half dozen of them to the Salvation Army.

What is wrong with getting paid for your good and honest work? What is wrong with me?  Getting paid is a fine and healthy thing to do, a sign of health, not avarice.  I posted this news on Facebook and was shocked at the tenor of almost all of the messages. What took you so long? was the most common question. We’d be happy to contribute was second. The process of awakening, of growing up, of being authentic is the relentless discovery, day in and day out, that I did not – often still don’t –  see the world clearly. I lived in a fog of anxiety and delusion, mostly running from the realities of life. When you can’t run anymore, you begin to face life and understand it. Six months ago, I was vowing that the website would never had a “donate” or “contribute” button, that was for lesser websites run by people who wanted to be compensated for their work. That was not me, I was too Big A Shot.

When I got off the phone with Mannix, I was puzzled that it took me so long. Do I not need money to live? Are my bills paid by fairies in the sky? Is my work cheap and worthless? I am learning that false modesty is no more appealing than arrogance, especially when it is born in unreality and avoidance.

So I’m putting up a “Contribute” button for people who wish to pay me for my words and photos and support the blog.  It will go on the right hand side of the Farm Journal. People can contribute via PayPal. It will take a week or so for my Contribution Button to be ready. Please do not feel any pressure to contribute. Please don’t hesitate to contribute if you can and wish. It is the best way to ensure that this blog is healthy and strong. If they can’t contribute, they are  very welcome here.

Nobody will be keeping score.