Kathleen Kimbell-Baker,  reader on Facebook asked me a fascinating question on my Sunday questions forum about the principle of showing fairness to dogs, especially when there are more than one. The question is important, I think. For me, fairness is a human, not a dog principle. Dogs, like donkeys, do not expect to be treated fairly. When I meet other people with my dogs, they invariably tell me that their dogs will be jealous once they smell the scent of my dogs. I believe that is complete projection of human attitudes. I don’t believe dogs experience jealousy, only curiosity, and sometimes when food is involved, competitiveness.

A dog’s behavioral mode is firmly established by 16 weeks, most behaviorists believe, and very difficult to change beyond that. Mostly, a dog’s attitude about other dogs and food and sociability are determined between 8 and 12 weeks. How their mother treated them or avoided them. How their litter mates reacted to food. How they found warm spots and enough to drink and eat. Out treatment of them is an important factor, but we rarely can do as much about their behaviors as we think, we rarely are as powerful as the training books suggest. This is why I am so careful about choosing my dogs and not assuming there is only one way to get them. Choosing a dog is not a moral exercise, it is a practical one and how one does it determines the dog’s behavior more than anything.

Still, I like Kathleen’s idea about fairness very much. It is a part of my approach to dogs. I believe dogs calm down and learn to live well with one another – breeding and temperament and behavioral issues aside – when they realize they will get what they need. Food every day, fresh water, shelter and attention. Each of my dogs has a role to play, work to do. Frieda keeps trucks away from our home and guards it. Red herds me and the sheep. Lenore interacts with people, she is a love dog. They are all fed at the same time and they all have to sit and wait a bit and be calm before the bowl goes down. Each gets a treat at the same time once or twice a day. Each has to be still and unobtrusive in the house. No dog of mine is ever fed near the table or given human food. No dog of mine every is permitted to play in the house. That is what yards and open spaces are for.

But fairness over time – this applies to donkeys and sheep too and I have seen it work time and again – is essential. It calms dogs, gives them patience, removes the need for them to compete or fight. Dogs are a reflection of us, always. If we want them to be needy and abused and dependent, that is what they will be. If we are disorganized or neurotic or confused, that is what they will be.  If we need them to be grounded, respectful of one another and our lives, that is what they can be, provided we choose them well. I am sorry to say I believe very few people choose their dogs well. We are selfish species, always thinking about what makes us feel good, not what is best for them.

But I like the idea of fairness. It has worked for me, and I do believe the dogs sense it and have their own instinctive appreciation for what they might call justice. We all wanted to be treated as equals and be treated fairly and respectfully. That is a projection I am at ease with.