I’ve come to see that the most important thing in my life, the focal point of my work and emotions, the most powerful and natural instinct within me is connection. Connection, I think, is what I’ve always wanted, what we all want. If you ask anyone about connection says Dr. Brene Brown, they will tell you about disconnection. If you ask people about love, they will tell you about heartbreak. If you ask people about dreams, they will tell you about their nightmares. People often speak of the things that are the opposite of what they want and need.

If you think of the people you know, if you think of people and animals, this idea, this need for connection is palpable. When we connect, we feel nourished, secure and hopeful. When we don’t – when we see or feel anger, hatred, judgment – we feel uneasy, uncomfortable. Whenever I look at the stories from Washington, and this is becoming increasingly rare for me, I see these tableaus of disconnection. No one talking to one another, no one listening, no one connection. It doesn’t feel good, it is disturbing. It doesn’t feel any better than it looks, even as disconnection seems to be addictive and many people are drawn to it, while I think connection is not.

No wonder our need for animals has exploded, our need to connect with them, rescue them, share our lives with them. They are doing the connective work of people for so many. Connection is how humans are hard-wired, it is part our  genetics, our neural system. When we fail to connect, the natural order of the world is broken. And we find it where we can.

I believe that connection occurred for me when I am open to it. When I began to feel worthy of it. When I did not feel worthy of it, it did not happen.  I was ashamed of myself, I felt I was repugnant to people. If I think of the people I know, this is also what I see – people who yearn for connection and don’t have it feel they are not deserving of it; people who do feel worthy of it seem to find it.

As I began to believe – I have many therapists, counselors, shamans and friends to thank for this change – that I was worthy of connection, that I deserved it, that it was essential to me, I began to find it. Maria entered my life. I began to have completely new and different relationships with animals – Rose, Simon, Rocky, Red, Frieda. I began to connect with people – new and good friends –  in ways I had not before, and I felt worthy of that, entitled to that, deserving of that.

Connection is not a notion, I think, it is the point of us.

 

 

Dr.Brene Brown