The farm feels like our farm now, the very powerful spirits of Florence and her pony Rocky are fading. The old barn, which drew me to the farm, is gone, now a feeding area for the donkeys. We cleared truckloads of debris out of the barn ruins and the pasture. The pile of tires is gone, but a strong manure pile from the winter – soon to be spread out over the pasture – remains. I see a very different view, a very different vista in this photograph, and things are coming to life for the spring, coming into place. Red in  his position watching the sheep, Zelda keeping a wary eye on him, the donkeys at their feeder, our neighbors beautiful barn in the distance.

We keep at it, one day at a time, one thing at a time. I am opening up. I used to worry about how I will die, a legacy of my long experience with fear, but more and more I am thinking about how I will live. This Spring, we will focus on color and light, gardens surrounding the house, a fenced in pasture in the woods behind the house. If there is any money, a frost free water pump for the winter.

Maria and I are coming to life, too, emerging, creating, coming into the world. We have a lot of exciting plans for our new Bedlam Farm, stay tuned. April is here, but months don’t mean much to me, one way or the other. As birthdays are just dates, April and May are just names. I am ready to be warm. I am coming to life.