We spent most of the day at Bedlam Farm, and I was looking to feel more centered, and that seemed to happen there. We brought all three dogs for the first time since we moved in October, and they settled right into their old routines, perching up on the porch while it rained. Maria and I spent the day cleaning up, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing and mopping. Ben has been painting the outside of the house, and we’ve been working to get the house spit-spot for Spring. We have gotten the taxes lowered, and we were very happy to see that the Bedlam Corners General Store has re-opened under new ownership more than two years after it was heavily damaged in a fire. The store looks great and is offering all kinds of new things, from fresh fruit to sandwiches. The church at the center of town has opened a community park and the old Grange at the bottom of our road has been beautifully restored.

I walked around the farm with Red, took the dogs on the path – Maria was really into shining the beautiful old farmhouse up – and, as always, there was a flood of memories. Blizzards, Rose in storms, lonely winters, meeting Maria, talks in the Studio Barn, and I was blinking at all of the work that was done on the farm – new wiring, new foundations for the barns, new drainage systems, a re-built dairy barn, a family room in the farmhouse made out of barn wood, three wood stoves, a new office upstairs, a new screened in porch,  new floors and ceilings for the big old parlor with it’s tall windows. I don’t like to even think about all the money that went into restoring the farmhouse and the barns, it doesn’t matter, I’m not getting it back, it was a different world in some ways. I thought also of my divorce and my breakdown there, my panics and terrors and awful nights.

But it was grounding. The most important and penetrating memories were of Maria, of becoming friends, falling in love. We both loved Bedlam Farm, we both knew it was time to leave. No regrets, just rich and deep memories. I feel myself again, back to the center. Tomorrow I’m going into Cambridge to take photos with George Forss and then we have been invited to a barbecue with some of the people Maria goes horseback riding with. I am also thinking of writing a short story this week and publishing it as a Kindle Single. Maybe about a border collie in Ireland who is taken off his farm and brought to America. I’ll put up a photo album of the visit to Bedlam too.