Dogs always pay for the hubris, emotionalizing and projecting that humans visit up on them. I took Frieda to the Cambridge Valley Veterinary Clinic to try and see if acupuncture could help with her arthritis and benefit her cranky older joints, but I think it was a mistake. Frieda spent years in the wild, I think her legs paid for it, I have thought for a long time that she is in pain much of the time, but she is stoic, she does her guard work, she eats well and gets around.
At the vet, she began to deteriorate as I answered a bunch of questions and Frieda underwent a physical exam. Frieda got restless, began painting, shedding a lot of her coat.
Dr. Colleen Flaherty asked me about her, finished filling out her questionnaire and then began to examine Frieda, as she does with all dogs who are new to acupuncture. At one point, Dr. Flaherty looked up at me and said “Frieda is not Red.” No, I said, she is not. Frieda kept turning to me, leaning on me.
I held Frieda’s head but she began growling and then turned and nipped at Dr. Flaherty’s hands as they probed her arthritic and very sensitive front legs. I couldn’t really tell if it was the pain in her legs or her growing anxiety at being handled by a stranger that sent Frieda almost to the edge.
As always with Frieda when she is threatened, she didn’t bite, she did not make any contact, but she barked and growled, it was a menacing thing to see. Frieda can be an intimidating dog, I remember that clearly in the months after we first met. Dr. Flaherty said she would be okay with muzzling Frieda and continuing with the acupuncture but I wasn’t okay with it, I said we should stop before Frieda got more anxious and somebody got hurt. It is my job to keep her out of dangerous situations, not push them on her. After Orson, I promised that no dog of mine would ever harm a human being again, and that is a record I intend to keep.
Frieda and I have worked miracles together and I am proud of her and of me, but I felt badly about the experiment. I’m not really even sure of my own motives – who is? I think there was plenty of good intention – I really thought acupuncture could help her, but hubris too, cockiness, I am invested in the idea that Frieda is pretty much normal and perhaps I pushed her over her limits. It is very difficult for people to accept the true nature of the animals they live with, we always think we can change them, or we deny what they are. I brought my camera and I was sure somewhere in my mind that I could take a beautiful photo of Frieda under acupuncture, as I do with Red, and share it with the world. That seems a bit self-serving. See what good work I had done, see how far Frieda has come.
But there were no photos during that session, I was too busy holding Frieda’s head while she growled. When she lunged, Dr. Flaherty jumped back and went out to get a muzzle. When I put it on Frieda’s mouth and looked at her panicked eyes, I knew it was time to stop, this wasn’t going to work. I felt badly for her, she was so anxious, like a wild animal trapped in a cage.
Frieda was a wreck by the time that we left the vet’s office, and I apologized to her for putting her in such a difficult situation, one for which she is clearly not yet ready, if she ever will be. Frieda is doing beautifully, she lives happily and safely with us, our dogs and animals, even with a barn cat sleeping on her bed.
She works hard at keeping strangers away and making sure trucks don’t come roaring into the driveway. She sits by me when I write, we are very tight. I told Maria about the experience and she said I was sweet to take her there, I really thought it might do her good. That is also true, I am disappointed it didn’t work. I did have this feeling it would have been good for her.
Talking to Dr. Flaherty, I also decided we take to take a deeper look at those legs and Frieda’s sensitivity to being touched. If we can’t help her one way, we may be able to help her in another.