Maria asked me last week what the first thing I did was when I started the process of getting a dog. A good and important question, perhaps the most important question. The first thing I do is ask myself “What Kind Of Dog Do I Want?”
It’s a simple and somewhat obvious question, yet I meet very few people ask it. People get a dog because of a movie or video on YouTube. They get a dog because they want to rescue something. They get a dog because their child saw one in a pet shop window, because they saw a cute puppy. They only want a dog that is free, the dog is less important than the cost. They have a favorite breed they always get.
Almost everyone I meet tells me about the problems they are having with their dogs – you would not believe the horror stories that come in my e-mail. They seem perpetually surprised that dogs don’t come in neat pre-trained packages. One woman who went to a backyard breeder was stunned that the dog had severe allergies and gum problems. A man who will not consider any dog but a rescue taken from a shelter cannot imagine why his dog is traumatized by strange noises and is aggressive around men. A woman who bought her daughter a Lab puppy for Christmas cannot understand why the dog, confined to the basement of their house every day, is overweight, destructive, and neurotic.
There are lot of different dogs, lots of reasons to get them, lots of ways to get them. I think about what I want from a dog, what I can give them, what they can give me, how I wish to spend many years with them, what do I wish to do with them? And what do I know about them?
What do I want in a dog?
– I want a dog I can trust. A dog who will be still and secure when a 13-month-old baby crawls onto his back and kisses him.
– I want a grounded dog, that is, a dog whose temperament is known to me, and who will behave in ways that are predictable to me. A dog I can trust to not harm a human or another dog.
– I want a healthy dog. As it is, dogs do not live very long, we will all experience grief and loss if we live with them. I want a dog who is hardy. I don’t want a dog who is frail or prone to bone, joint, skin or respiratory problems. I don’t want lots of vet bills.
– I want a dog who is biddable, that is healthy and grounded enough and smart enough to be trainable. To be calm enough to look me in the eye, hear signals and commands, respond to training, which I take very seriously. Calmness is essential to obedience and training, if a dog doesn’t know his name (most don’t) or can’t look you in the eye or listen you, they cannot be trained well. I have never had a dog with separation anxiety, I have never had a dog run off, I have never had a dog run in the street.
That is not a tribute to my genius, it is a testament for me, to the way I get my dogs.
– I want a dog who will help me continue my work to be a better human. I have never seen a happy or healthy dog living with an angry or frustrated person. To have the dog you really want, you do have to be a better human being – compassionate, patience, empathetic.
– I want a dog who wants to work. Dogs who work, like horses who work, have a vitality and purpose that I will share with them. It connects us to one another, grounds the both of us. You don’t need sheep to have a working dog, there are all kinds of work for dogs to do if given the opportunity.
– I want a spirit dog, a dog who will enter my life and mark the passages of it, a dog who can ride with me, walk with me, who can do therapy work if it is appropriate, who can be with me in the theater of chance. Not a pet, but a partner.
– I want a dog with intelligence and powerful instinct, a dog who can grow and learn, sit by my feet or run in the woods. I will give him or her the opportunity to work and experience a wide range of life, I ask the dog to respect me and my property and my house and my dignity. To walk peacefully with me, honor the time I need to work, and then go share my world.
For me, having a dog is a spiritual and creative experience, I do not seek obedience, I seek a wiser and more mystical understanding of animals. An animal who is eager to be socialized, who will share the joys and travails of my life, who will be connected to me but also have a life and a sense of self that is apart from me. I do not need a dog in my lap every minute.
Although many people like to tell me what to do and how to get a dog, I like the way I do it. I have had remarkable dogs – Orson, Rose, Pearl, Lenore, Izzy, Frieda, now Red. I have made many mistakes along the way, learned a lot of things. I hope I never stop learning, that is the first death.
My way works for me. I do not set out in advance to say “I will only get this kind of dog or that,” or “I will only get a rescue dog or a bred dog,” or “I will only get a free dog or an old dog.” I start by asking myself what precisely do I wish to do with my dog, and then setting out to find which kind of dogs match those desires and ambitions. It is not easy, but it is not that difficult either. Human beings tend to be both lazy and arrogant when it comes to getting dogs, they think only of themselves and their own emotions, not the dogs.
On my search, I learn about breeders, I talk to breeders, or I talk with rescue or shelter workers, I talk to vets, sometimes to behaviorists. I want to know as much as I can about the dogs I get, I do not wish to live in conflict with them, to make their lives miserable, to yell at them all the time, to come home to damage and mayhem, to wrestle with them on walks, to see them jump on people or be out of control. I do not wish to be in conflict with my dogs, it is not about that for me. I am not willing to accept that as a necessary by-product of my own ignorance or selfishness.
I am passionate about the process of training dogs, of showing them how to be calm, of learning how to communicate with them through food, emotions, visualization.
What I want is a nice dog, a dignified dog, a versatile dog. A loving dog. The sky is the limit with me and dogs, there are endless possibilities if I do the work now and open my mind to the things we can do together. There are very few possibilities if I don’t. It is not my wish to have a dog whose boundaries of life are my house and my backyard. I want a lot more than that, they offer a lot more than that.
So those are some of the things that I want. There are probably more, and I will think about them.
I know this is hard work, I have done it again and again. I am doing it now. Anything worthwhile doing in life is hard and takes thought. There are many good ways to get a dog. I will explore all of them.