I left my home and family one day and went to the woods because I wished to leave meaningfully, and not in fear and obligation. I wished to confront the natural world, and re-connect to the world of animals, to find out what they might teach me. I came to see if I could learn what life had to teach, I feared that as I neared the end of my life, I would not have lived.

And living is so dear. I wished to renounce resignation, which was the ethic of my life. Resigned to live in an ugly world. Resigned to work for money. Resigned to a loveless life. Resigned to live without perspective or understanding. Resigned to forego a spiritual life.

I wanted to live deeply, to be authentic, to chase life into the farthest corner, and reduce it to it’s most elemental and simple terms. I wanted to understand that it meant to love, and to find it. I am not there yet, I have just begun this hero journey, I think. Every step I take reminds me of how far I have to go, how short a distance I  have come.

I am beginning to be old, the end may not be close, but it is not far, it gets closer every day. Each day is precious to me, and I value it with ferocity.

I no longer live in resignation. I accept that my work may or may not be important, I have foregone the hope of results. My work may be worthless and achieve nothing, it may be forgotten. As I learn this lesson, I am able to concentrate less on the results of my work and more on it’s value, it’s honesty, the truth of the work itself, and I begin to be free. Because I am free, I may yet be creative.

 In the end, it is connection that means everything.