Love, I think, is when fantasies are no longer necessary because life is better than any of them. For much, if not all, of my life, I wanted to be somewhere else, doing something else. I wanted to be away from myself, from where I was. My fantasies have all melted away, I never wish to be anywhere but where I am, I don’t want to be anyone else, with anyone else, living anywhere else.

I feel as if a thousand pounds of cement have been lifted off of my heart, and it is free to to breathe and live. I thought of this this morning when I came downstairs around dawn and found my artist wife standing on the dining room table adjusting the funky old chandelier that came with the house, it was the only object left in it for us. Yesterday, just before dawn, she was in the pantry painting a small wooden shelf that lives in the bathroom.

“What are you doing up there?,” I asked smiling. She was surprised by the question. “Fixing up the chandelier,” she said, as if it were too obvious to even talk about. I had to run for the camera.

We have finished our negotiations with the bank, and we will be able to keep our house, and the artist I live with is scurrying around, painting, re-adjusting, re-thinking the colors and positions of things. While we thought we would lose our home, she couldn’t bear to do it. She put all of her artistry and many projects on hold.

I love the way her art and creativity and big heart suffuse everything she does. And I am lucky to be in love with an obsessive, she is a dervish, a whirlwind. She thinks Fate and I are alike, she has no idea how much these two are alike.

Bob Marley wrote that once in your life,  you find someone who can completely turn your world around. “You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.”

That is my life, that is my love. Even at dawn.