Getting a dog is a serious thing, for me, and for many animals, it is a matter of life and death, both literally and in terms of the quality of their lives.

When we make mistakes, they usually pay for it.

I’ve gotten dogs in all sorts of different ways –  from shelters, rescue groups, breeders, off the street. I believe the best way to get a dog is to be thoughtful, thorough and knowledgeable.

And to listen to yourself, to imagine the kind of dog you want and why and go out and look for him or her, anywhere you can find them. Only you know what that dog is, and you are absolutely entitled to get the dog you want, that is the dog you will love and learn from.

If you can rescue one, that is a kindness. If you need to buy one, follow your heart, not somebody else’s arrogance.

Usually, when I get a dog, and lately, it is like George Patton plowing through France, intensely and with meticulous care and planning. And with great determination.

I have done this often enough to have made many mistakes, and there is no blame in making mistakes but great shame in  repeating them.

One mistake is to listen to people who tell you there is only one way to get a dog, and they know what it is for you.

They are not your friend or the dog’s. Another mistake is to make the bringing of a dog into your home a moral statement to the world about your nobility, rather than the dog that is the right soul mate. That’s a lazy and selfish way to get a dog.

Another mistake is grab a dog impulsively, because it is cute, because you saw it in a movie, because somebody is circulating a cute photo on the Internet, or because you saw it in a store window at the mall.

And then this: Because someone is guilt tripping you or bullying you. Friends don’t do that, neither do people who care about you.

Dogs deserve better than humans, but they seem to be stuck with us, so I try to figure out what they need as well as what I need, and I try to learn as much about them and/or their breed as I can. I come up with a plan, I try to be ready for them when they come.

Yesterday, I went and got a crate – not plastic but wire, so it’s cooler. Boston Terrier’s have short noses, being cool matters in the summer. My dogs spent some of every day in crates for at least the first six months they are with me. I feed them there and put them there when I need or want quiet. They learn to go within themselves in crates, they are pack animals, they feel safe and secure there. Puppies need that.

This week, I have been poring through website and articles and studies and online forums about the Boston Terrier breed, as I am about to get Leroy in three weeks and will then be responsible for him. The portrait of this breed is becoming clear. Lots of personality, lots of confidence, lots of energy and love. Some respiratory concerns, some allergy issues.

One woman was posting about what high energy dogs they are, how hers are all ball addicts and drive her mad in the house.  She spoke of this as if it was the funniest and cutest thing.I am always struck at how people dismiss behavioral problems as something that is adorable.

She asked me if I was prepared for that. I answered that I don’t allow balls in my house, or any kind of playing. We do that outside. And I have had a long streak of addictive and manic border collies (and some energetic Labs). They were and are all quiet and calm in the house, they respect my need for quiet when I work.

The BT owner didn’t reply to that, but then told me her dogs never stop running like mad through her house,  just like Fate around the sheep. It was like a circus in their, she told me, and again, it seemed like a hilarious thing to her. I may be losing my sense of humor, but it didn’t seem like a funny thing to me. I would not like it.

How would I deal with that, she asked? I answered that Fate never runs anywhere in the house,  it is not permitted. If she gets the slightest bit obnoxious, she gets a treat and a trip to the crate.  Except for greeting guests with too much enthusiasm (she pays no attention to me when I come in the house), she is quite a Lady inside, she has never run around in my house, nor would I allow or encourage it.

The Terrier owner didn’t respond to that either. She must have thought me dull and joyless.

So what am I to make of this? Am I about to get my comeuppance and report back in a few months that I have little ball addicts and manic maniacs running through the farmhouse? Or can I stick to my training philosophy and execute a different theory and plan? I have one.

Our dogs become what we need them to be, what we permit them to be.  People love to reinforce or accept obnoxious behaviors and then blame it on the dog. Aren’t they just the most difficult creatures? But dogs live to please us, that is the genetic secret to their success. Humans are the most ruthless and destructive of all living things, we will kill and savage any other living thing for money or sport. Dogs have done so well – unlike raccoons – because they sense what we need and can often give it to us.

We just have to want and expect it.

Boston Terriers literature is much like border collie literature. The first six months to a year are critical in teaching calm and obedience. They need to know how to nothing as well as everything. Crates are invaluable, so is human demeanor. If you don’t throw the ball in the house, and there is no ball in the house, then they can’t drive you crazy chasing balls, right? This idea is invariably met with blank and uncomprehending stares.

Nobody wants to hear it. Hardly anyone wants to do it.

Few dog owners know that dogs are not playing when they are playing. Usually, they are learning to hunt, or honing their hunting skills.  They are getting aroused and excited. That is not something you really want to push too far in a dog. That was invaluable information for dogs when they lived in the wild. They are cranking up their prey drive, the hunt and kill instincts that exist in varying degrees in all dogs. (Some of it has bred out of border collies and retrievers.)

It makes dog lovers very happy when they see dogs playing, it makes them feel good. Adult dogs who get exercise and attention do not need it.

Puppies need playing to socialize themselves and develop their personalities.  I will look for dogs for Leroy to play with until he is about three or four months old, and then I will never do that again. He will get plenty of toys out in the yard, and things to chew on inside.

Adult dogs generally do not need playing, it usually just brings up their arousal and play drive instincts, and primarily delights their humans.  People also think it tires them out, but the truth is, it just usually gets them excited.

That’s the thing about dogs. It is most often about what we need, not what they need. The last place on earth I would bring Leroy or Fate or Red or any Lab I have owned is a dog park. They are seminars for pack craziness for dogs in many, if not most cases. If you want your dog to run happily with packs, do not expect him to sit quietly in your living room.

Trainers say this about border collies (I suspect it is true of Boston Terriers as well): One time is an adventure, twice is an addiction. Be careful about what  you teach them to do.

Red has never chased a ball in his life, one reason he is so supernaturally calm and poised, and focused on his work. He has a full and rich life, he has no need of balls to chase. His life is quite full.

Fate is welcome to chase balls in the yard, bury bones, toss furry things in the air. I rarely, if ever, throw balls for her, and she gets tons of exercise and is in wonderful shape. She is welcome to run around the sheep until her tongue is hanging off the ground, and she usually gets two or three good walks in the woods a day.

Every now and then, she will bring a stuffed animal to me, and every now and then, I will throw it once or twice. Then we both move on.

She doesn’t need more, and she doesn’t get more.

She certainly is not going to disrupt my life or work by bringing balls to me while I read or work and panting or whining and jumping until I respond. I have seen more Labs ruined by excessive ball throwing than any other thing, I would do it for five or ten minutes a day, and then stop and always vary our activities. Labs don’t need more prey drive, and neither do Boston Terriers or border collies, they are not going to do much hunting or killing, especially in the house.

And trainers know that too much prey drive in the wrong dog can be dangerous.

Leroy and Fate can have a good time outside, and then, not for too long. Sometimes, we love our dogs so much we can’t resist making them happy, or at least what we see as being happy. Sometimes less is more, sometimes less is love.

My contract with dogs is simple. We work together, as in sheep and walks and therapy work. In the house we are all quiet and still, respectful of one another. I work at home, that is not negotiable. I give them the fullest and best possible lives.

I see that the online owner testimonials vary wildly about Boston Terrier’s, as they do about border collies.

Some of them are calm and stately, others are manic and obsessive and never still.

I believe I have the most to do with that, not the dog. A dog that cannot learn to be still or calm is not a dog for me to accept or one I wish to live with. Dogs reflect us, they sense what we want and need

If my dog is racing around the house like a ball addict, that is my doing, not his. Laughter and yelling and attention are powerful re-inforcers  for behaviors in dogs that we do not want. A dog is just as happy when you keep yelling at them to get off as they are when you are praising them. They live by attention.

When I come in or out of the house, there is no fuss, no shrieking or hugging or excitement, the dogs barely notice it. Dogs are great followers of tradition.

If you never leave food on the kitchen counter for six months, they will never go there to look for it. Fate grabbed a hamburger once, and for the next year, there was never any food left there, and now, we leave hamburger and other food on the counter, she never even looks at it. We never yelled at her or stared at the counter, we didn’t make a big deal out of it, we just created a new tradition.

Keeping food away from puppies and feeding them only from their bowls is a simple thing to do, it brings many rewards.

I believe Leroy will not be chasing balls and racing around in the house, that will not happen, and if it does, I will certainly say so and write about it. It will mean I messed up. I am not afraid to fail, which is a good thing, as I do it all the time. I learn so much from my many mistakes.

My readings this week about Boston Terriers reassure me that this is a good breed for me now, a good choice for us. They are loyal, affectionate, trainable, responsive to people. They love children and the elderly. They love to be touched and sit on sofas. But I will need to teach this dog to be centered and very calm, especially around therapy work. I will set that tone from the beginning.

But I won’t follow other people’s stereotypes and descriptions too closely. We are all different, we all get the dogs we want and need.

I imagine Leroy and Maria will adore one another, as they are already beginning to do. I picture Leroy sitting in Maria’s studio in winter in his own crate, snoring loudly, rushing outside from time to time to chase Fate around.

The descriptions I was reading are the perfect descriptions for a therapy dog, and that will be an important focus of Leroy’s life, I will begin his training the day after I bring him home. That is sacred work for me and my dog, and I take it seriously.

There, he will learn to be calm and careful, to respond to need and attention, as Izzy did and Red has. He will not need  to know how to chase any balls in the house or the Mansion.