You can look at this photo and be alarmed or sad, or you can look at the photo and be touched deeply by the love and commitment of a family. I felt in a sense that this was my most important photo, it shows the trust and love and commitment of a farm family.
This afternoon, my mission was to get Ed some colorful markers and pens so that he could use more color and dimension to his drawings, which are graceful and evocative, even though his struggles. I got the idea this morning, and I knew it would work. His drawings were getting darker and grayer.
Ed loved the idea of color markers, I went to the art store in Bennington while he took a nap. He was feeling better, but still exhausted.
Ed said he felt good today, was eating heartily and felt more like himself. The nurses and the family had gotten his blood sugar down from 600.
He said he would draw with me if I would hold and uncap and cap the markers and pens. He said he never really knew any longer where his left arm and leg was. I was surprised to see that he really only had the use of his right hand and arm. And he could not move himself.
Ed said he wanted to sit up, and i thought he just needed the chair to rise up, but it seems he is unable to push himself up or sit up without help. Carol can’t do it by herself, and neither could I.
Two of his sons and a daughter and law and Carol came in to get behind him and push him up so they could raise the chair behind him. Much of his body simply is not working for him now.
After the family got up and left, I stood by his side and handed him the colors he wanted – green, yellow, purple. His strokes were precise and sure, he wanted to sketch a flower he sees growing outside by the farmhouse.
He seemed confident and sure with the pen in his had. He had to press the marker flat on the bed and resting on his limp left arm. He knew where he was going and what he wanted to do.
He told me his daughter Maggie and her daughter were going to Indianapolis for a week in search of a school athletic scholarship, and he promised her he would be alive when she got back. That was a worthwhile goal, he said.
I taped a longish video with him, but I decided not to put it up, we just really didn’t get anywhere, and because he was so tired, I found myself talking too much. So I scrapped it, and took another one of him talking to his animals, especially his beloved Cockatiel Oz and Shivers, the frozen kitten he rescued from a nearby pasture in the middle of winter.
That one worked, and it is short, I’ll put it up shortly.
Ed never stops talking to his animals, and he believes they never stop talking to him. He is, in every sense of the word, an Animal Communicator.
They are such an important part of his life. He loves a chicken as much as he loves a peacock or a cow.
The color markers were a good idea, Ed loved them and looks forward to getting to know them better. The idea of color seemed to brighten him.
He told me to take this one home to Maria.
I think helping Ed draw is something I can do that would be helpful. He is better than yesterday, for sure, but the cancer is relentless, it doesn’t rest. It is moving to take control of his body. Ed was struggling to find his spark today, and no one could blame him.
The house felt calm to me for the first time, I think this very close-knit family has, like Ed, found acceptance. Humans are drawn to routine.
As we know, this is an up and down thing, it is one way one day, another the next. I am along for the ride. I believe Ed when he say she has accepted cancer, and the fact that it will pretty much do what it wishes to do.
I am grateful to the Gulley Family for inviting me into their life at this time, and supporting the work Ed wants so badly to do. It is humbling for me.