Maria has kicked off a low-yield controversy (me too, I guess) by announcing the creation and imminent sales of her latest potholder series, she calls it the Flying Vulva Potholder, and they just went on sale on her Etsy page.

When I wrote about the Flying Fulvas – I love to scoop Maria on her new creations, not that I’m competitive- one of the first responses on my comments page was a one-word outburst from Lynda, a long-time blog reader.

In short order, there were four or five comments in different places, all using the same words. It  was “disgusting” for some women to see the image of the vulva on the potholder.

“Disgusting,” was all Lynda had to say about it, she wouldn’t even talk about it.

Another women posted a longer and thoughtful message suggesting they were offensive to her also, she saw no reason why Maria or I needed to celebrate the public discussion of human genitals in the form of art (she probably had the Penis Potholder series in mind last year.)

I will say right up front that it saddens and surprises me to hear women talk about this most important and female body part in this way.  I am not much for talking about my sex life on the blog, but I want to say that that I love vulvas, especially their softness and sensuality and feeling.

Vulvas have been central to my life with Maria and my sex life. I am about to be 71 years old, and I will come out and talk about something important to me. When I first made love to Maria eight or nine years ago, I was stunned and horrified to learn that I could not do the things I once did when it came to sex.

I am specifically referring (you can stop reading if you are delicate) to the strength and utility of my own sex organ, the penis. It was an awful shock.

I rebounded immediately – this is where creativity really counts – and learned that there are many ways to please women sexually,  and Maria specifically.

it didn’t  have to just be the conventional old in-and-out way. I learned from my therapist and from  hurried reading that this wasn’t even the best way if you think about women.

I learned that conventional sex was often unsatisfying to women, strong and young men came to orgasm quickly and often left women unfulfilled and in longing.

I got to work. The vulva was my best friend.

I desperately wanted to make love to Maria, for one thing I knew she wasn’t looking for another sexless relationship in her life. Neither was I, I hadn’t had sex in 20 years until I met Maria. I had given up on it, even though I know how important it is to a connected relationship.

I couldn’t bear to start another sexless relationship, I knew this one wouldn’t last. Besides, I really wanted to have sex.

In this relationship, I discovered the beauty and sensitivity of the vulva. It seemed like a soft rose to me, a thing of extraordinary beauty, grace and feeling. it had quivers and layers and so much feeling, it responded to me in so many ways. It also made Maria happy.

Because of the vulva, I was able to compensate for some of my aging parts, I found new ways to love my wife, and to support my valiant but aging penis.

Is it hard for me to talk about this? Only initially. The more I think about it, the more important it is to talk about this, especially when women tell me their own body is disgusting.

I don’t need to go into further details, but the vulva is about as far from disgusting to me as a body part can get. It is so full of life and  feeling, it a symbol of so many elements of femininity. I am grateful to the vulva, and cheer the new potholder.

I don’t speak for Maria, she has written about the Flying Vulva Potholder on her own blog today.

But I will never forget what the vulva has done for me, not only is it a thing of beauty, but it helped give both of us the kind of loving sexual connection that so deepens a loving relationship.

To the disgusted women, I would only say my wish for you is that you re-think where this disgust comes from and what it is really about.

There are many people in our culture who want nothing more than for women to hate their own bodies and sexuality and power – just look at the news. We don’t need to flaunt our genitals anywhere, but a humble and artsy little potholder is not going to harm any woman on the planet.

It is such an integral part of them. Why should it be hidden away in difference to the hoary morals of angry old men.

In a time where millions of women all over the world have their genitals mutilated early in life, I think of the Flying  Vulva as a flag, a celebration waving valiantly in the wind (or on the kitchen table) reminding us that there is nothing more beautiful on this  earth than the body of a loving woman.

I was surprised by this minor flap, to tell the truth, and a little sad. Why is is any different putting the vulva in a potholder than a bird or head or the body of a donkey? Why is one disgusting and the other cute?

It’s hard for me to believe Lynda was born feeling this way, it was almost certainly something she was taught.

For thousands of years, artists and sculptors and painters have celebrated the vagina and the penis and the rest of the human anatomy, just go to Rome or Florence or any great museum. The Vatican Museum walls are crammed with vaginas and penises, all sizes, ages and colors. The first Olympians all competed nude, nobody seemed disgusted by it.

It was only recently – the 1800’s – that a group of British businessmen, rattled by the very specific anatomical and sexual art archeologists from the British Museum were unearthing in Pompeii, decreed that women were too feeble-minded and weak to endure images of genitalia.

They first coined the term pornography, and their Victorian Culture and our Puritanical culture were happy to climb on board and make women feel repulsed by their own sexual organs and horrified by the sexual organs of men.

Before the invention of pornography artists freely and almost universally explored the art of genitalia, since that part of our bodies is so essential to love, sex, procreation -to human life and connection. Why on earth should we hide it?

Art is not exhibitionism, Maria does not show her vulva to people or walk around naked (except at night in the woods.) Neither do I.

You don’t really need to be a  feminist to grasp that this idea – shaming women into hiding their own bodies –  was a great conspiracy by men, a powerful way to control women and to make them feel ashamed – even disgusted – by their own bodies, and at the mercy of men to define what is acceptable for them to see and portray, and what it is not.

To me, it is fatuous to compare vaginal art to penis art, mostly because men and women are so different. The vulva is associated in my mind not with  filth, but with softness, empathy, compassion,  beauty and love.

I love vulvas, I celebrate them, to me they are symbol of nurture, affection, ecstacy sometimes,  an antidote to our bloodless, humorless and disconnected world.

My wish for our children is that they grow up in a world where vulvas are loved more than money and war. Perhaps it’s time to be disgusted by greed and violence.

Leave the vulva alone.