It’s a great irony of my life that I have seen many people off and out of this world in recent years, ever since I started doing hospice work with Izzy nearly a decade ago.
It would be unseemly to count them or add them up, but I remember all of the faces if not the names.
I’ve done this therapy work with Izzy, and then Lenore, and now Red. It saved me at the time, and helped me to come to terms with my own mortality.To some extend, I know death now, it is not a stranger to me, it is something to be known and accepted, not hated or feared.
I was thinking this morning about what I have learned from the many different people I’ve met at the end of their lives.
And although all of them are different, there are some common denominators. I felt the need to write their last thoughts down, so they are not forgotten.
As one might imagine, the people who thought about dying seemed to die the best deaths – at peace and in the company of loved ones who held their hands as they left.
The people who had thought about death and talked about it openly seemed to me to be the ones who had the easiest, sometimes quite beautiful, time of it.
The people who denied and hid from it and turned their heads from it seemed to have a harder time of it. It makes sense, yet in a way, it doesn’t.
I have never heard anyone who is near death say they wished they had worked in jobs they hated so they could build up their IRA’s at the end of their life.
I have never heard anyone dying say they wished they had more money and had lived for security, not satisfaction.
At the end of life, people begin to talk about God and worry about God, some ask for religious people just to make sure, some let all of that go and trust to the fates.
Some people believe they will soon or on day see their loved ones, some don’t bring it up.
At the end of life, people often surprise me by telling me that they are ready to leave the world, they are tired and drained, life at the edge is almost never easy or comfortable.
They almost always tell me that they don’t want their families and loved ones to know, they don’t want to hurt their feelings, but they are tired of life and ready to let go.
The most peaceful people I see at the end of life are those who found love and meaning in their work and lives. They celebrate their lives with gratitude and acceptance.
As they review their lives, which they inevitably do, that seems to be what was important to them – that they loved what they did and they loved who they knew and they left a mark on the world.
I did the best I could, Clay, a logger living in the Adirondacks, told Izzy and me, as he gasped for breath and died, clutching a wooden carving of his border collie Jake in his hand.
That was enough.
Jake had ridden in his logging truck alongside him every day for 14 years.
I want to remember these people from time to time, they gave me the honor of bearing witness to life itself.
I have long been interested in in books by authors who have supposedly died, and been brought back to life, claiming they were told that they weren’t done “here” yet. Those I have read about always seem to fully grasp the idea of what they are here to do, and if they hadn’t before their NDE, they now do something that gives them purpose, fulfillment, happiness. I appreciate you sharing your insights on your hospice work-hopefully, we will evolve as a culture to see how this end-of-life stage should be given the light it deserves. So much to learn from a person who knows it is their time-why aren’t most of us open to learning more!
such a moving post. God Bless Clay- I hope he’s with Jake
Thank you for sharing. My life has been one of sacrifice in the middle and toward the end. I’ve done the jobs I hated so I could care for my two children one of whom is handicapped. I did have one guiding star that I pursued through life, which was to get back to the farm and I have done that although I’m not so strong so late in the day as I would like for this life. Farming is a young person’s game but forcing myself to meet the challenges has been good exercise for the body. It is enough.
“The most peaceful people I see at the end of life are those who found love and meaning in their work and lives. They celebrate their lives with gratitude and acceptance.” Ahhh, Jon, that’s it exactly. I am pretty sure they’re the most peaceful people even before dying. That is who you are, Jon, and you are inspiring me to be the same. I am not certain I can adequately convey my gratitude to you, for the changes you have wrought in me. A simple thank you is all I can manage.
Over the years I have loved your books Jon they have taught me a lot.
I read the entire Hospice Journal when I discovered your blog many years ago. It was at the top of the blog before this recent revision. If anyone is interested in reading it or looking at the photos you can use the search bar (Hospice Journal). A post appears that links to the journal but it doesn’t work anymore. However you can scroll down and see many of the posts. Some of Jon’s best writing in my humble opinion. And I remember Clay and the wooden carving of Jake.
Great piece Jon…
I am lost for words at the beauty of this post, Jon. Thank you.