In my new life in the country, I realize it isn’t really so new, I’ve been up here, in different places, at different times, for more than 20 years now. One of the most important places in my memory is Kinney Road, where I was first drawn to the light as a photographer, and saw the light in my photographs, in my landscape, in my heart and soul.

I was so broken then, alone and fearful and profoundly sad and unhappy. Something inside of me desperately wanted to come out and I was drawn again and again to Kinney Road.

My marriage was disintegrating, so was my life, I was terribly lonely and lost. I had just given all of my savings to someone I thought I was saving, but who was just taking and taking. I have  him all I had, he took all I had.

Painful lessons learned.

I thought I was being like Jesus Christ, and giving what I had to the needy. Nobody told me otherwise. There is a difference between saving and helping.

Every night, I drove to Kinney Road in nearby Argyle, N.Y., it was one of the very few places were the sun set behind some beautiful old farmhouses and a big sky back-lit the top of the hill.

I had begun doing hospice work, and every night, after waiting for the sun to set on Kinney Road, I would go sit with the dying. It actually made me feel better.

I parked at the bottom, my dog Izzy would jump out of the car and so lie by the road. At first, the farmers were alarmed by me – my big black camera suggested tax assessor or real estate speculator.

One showed up with a rifle and asked me why I was taking a photo of his farm. After awhile, they figured out who I was.

It was winter when I first went to Kinney Road, and I stood out in the darkening light, freezing. I only wore black jackets. One car knocked over the tripod I had set in the road, a truck came by and struck me with it’s mirror, knocking me over.

I think a part of me wanted to get run over. The faithful Izzy stayed by the side of the road, watching me, then would jump back into the car when I was done and go with me to our hospice work, watch someone die.

It was  perhaps the most intense period of my life, I shudder to think about it, but it was also a beautiful time, and I revisited it this morning in my meditation and wanted to share my feelings about it.

I came to Kinney Road every night, and I stood and waited for the sun to set right behind the farmhouse at the top of the road. There was so much emotion in me, that my photos had so much emotion.

In a sense, it was the beginning of my photography as art, the opening up and freeing of the artist inside of me. People e-mail me all the time about Kinney Road, they could see what was happening long before I did.

Maria was the first person to tell me the photos were special, because it was her, I believed it, and my life changed. I will always love Kinney Road and be grateful for it.

I have come to far, I have a long ways to go.