Ever since I was eight, I only wanted to be one thing, and that was a writer of books. I was always a writer, but I didn’t get my first book published until I was in my early 30’s. It took me five years to write Sign Off, but once I did, I became a book writer for the rest of my life.
I will never forget picking up the New York Times Book Review and seeing a rave review of my first book, there is no feeling like it. Sign Off was immediately buried and forgotten by the declaration of the first Gulf War.
I bounced back in time, five times on the New York Times bestseller list, it was a big deal.
I have loved writing books more than anything else I did in my life, that passion never wavered. Not until the recession. My editor was tossed out onto the street, no one who cared about me or my books ever replaced him.
The publishing world changed. The reviews got fewer, the royalty checks shrunk to nothing, the publisher would no longer even reimburse me for mileage to the book store appearances I had to set up myself.
No more publicists, reviews, big book tours (any book tours) movies made of my books, appearances on network TV or Fresh Air, or NPR or Diane Rehm, no escorts, promotion budgets. No more book tours or bestseller lists. When the might fall, they fall fast.
I had crossed my own Rainbow Bridge into the nether world of the person time had passed by. Another mid-list writer drifting out to sea. I knew better than to accept this. I saw what was coming and made a big turn, it saved my writing life.
I started my blog, which has a huge national audience. I started taking photos. I started writing what I wanted to write, as honestly and openly as I wanted to write it, but had never been permitted to write. The artist in me rose up to take pictures.
I’ve written 26 books since I started out, novels, mysteries, non-fiction books, books about Thomas Merton, spirituality, dogs, rural life, donkeys and farm animals, grieving and most recently, the year of Gus and Bud, to be published whenever my editor gets around to reading it. It could be a while, the last time it took eight months.
In a sense, I was very lucky. I spent most of my life doing what I had always wanted to do. In a sense, I wasn’t always lucky. My first editor – she had the greatest faith in me – dropped dead on a New York sidewalk while still in her 40’s. My second, who had great faith in me, was laid off during the recession. The publicist who fought so hard for me had a falling out with me.
I foolishly dropped the agent who fought the hardest for me. Plus I had a breakdown that nearly rendered me dysfunctional. If not for Maria, I am certain I would be dead now by a good five or six years.
I’m in that zone where agents are eager to get off the phone, editors won’t pick up the phone, and publicists don’t care. Lots of surviving book reviewers – there aren’t many – have never heard of me.
I won’t accept that, I will choose dignity or common sense and try to make a living without those bigger checks. I remember a time when I could always call up my editor and get a big advance. That would be a joke today. I believe I can do it, I can make this change, and so does Maria, bless her soul.
I will permit myself some real sadness and loss, and then get my ass in gear. The blog comes out every day, and I never blow deadlines. I love my blog now, more than any other writing I do. I am lucky in that.
So this week, I came to what is one of the the most complex and difficult decisions of my life. I’m giving up writing books. It’s just time. A friend, another writer, told me I was a brave person to do this, she said she knew how hard it must be.
I have one more book coming out sometime in the future, that will be the last one. Life is often about letting go, and it is time for me to let go.
I appreciated what my friend said. Here in the country, which I love, there are not a lot of people who would understand that or know it. Books are not much talked abut here. There are very few writers around.
It is hard. It is also good. It’s time. I love my blog, the Mansion and refugee work has taken over my heart, book writing is for the first time in my life an imposition not a dream, an interruption in the work I most care about. You cannot write great books that way.
I am not one to whine and drift into nostalgia. I haven’t spoken to my current editor in over a year. He probably won’t even read my new book for many months. It is quite clear they are not excited about my sales prospects, or even drawn to speak with me much.
Of all things, I am determined to love and cherish my life. I will not be one of those writers bitching about the old days, turning myself into a bitter old prune. The future belongs to the young, not to me. I won’t be around to see all that much of it.
I just won’t do it any longer. Grace is not about a perfect life, it’s about handling an imperfect life well.
For some years now, book writing has been no fun, not for them, not for me. A wonderfully gifted freelance editor got me through these last few years, I am happy about my new book, and I am proud of it. I will, of course, fight for it with the tools I have left. I’ve always dreamed of the big book, and this might be it, you never know. I am not holding my breath.
It would be quite ironic.
My blog is my creative home now, along with my photos and my farm. I love it here, I love writing here and taking photos and being with my wife. I love my dogs and our donkeys and our podcasts. I even love the barn cats.
I am so grateful I got to fulfill the dreams of that little boy, I have loved writing every book I’ve written. But I don’t love being a book writer any more, and that means I owe it to my life and soul to stop and move forward with my life.
I thank my readers for following me for so long, and for rooting me on. I hope you’ll stick with me. I’m not dead, I’m just busy being reborn. I think I’m pretty good at that.
I relish change and I insist on being relevant, if I can’t be sane. Thanks for reading me.
I’ve read all of your books since “Run to the Mountain” and they’re great, but I love the vibrancy and immediacy of your blog, including the gorgeous photos. I rarely miss a day reading the blog. I’m always eager to see what you and Maria are up to next. You make me think and laugh and smile and cry. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
I have almost all of your books. I was hooked after the first one. I follow your blog and appreciate your photography. I will continue to follow wherever your journey leads you. Your honesty and willingness to write about your journey with Maria and all of your animals is a gift and I am ever grateful.
Well, you are one of a handful of writers that I often re-read. I just finished my third reading of Running to the Mountain. (Not three times in a row; just three times since I discovered your works.) So I figure that you have written enough to carry me to my end, if I re-read your works sporadically, in addition to keeping up with your blogs (Maria is a wonderful writer!) and the Army of Good! Sy Montgomery and Diana Gabaldon and Louise Penny are my other selections for multiple readings. I discover things that I missed each time I re-read any of the books by the four of you! The bonus is that each of you often lead me to other writers of books and blogs and that has made for some lovely discoveries (such as Merton). (And Cats in Cambridge.) Thanks for your every word!
I throughly enjoyed reading your books & await your last.
I’m so sorry for the struggles you’ve encountered for the publishing of your books. So happy you have found new passions to fiil your life with.
God bless you!
I haven’t looked but are any of your books audio books? You have a great voice, you could narrate your own books..a lot of people have moved to audio books now, and I for one can enjoy them in the car as I have to drive a long way to work sometimes..just a thought.
I have listened to several of his books on audio. I got some from Audible and others from Kobo. I listen to them over again even though I read the ebook. Lol
Dear Jon. I live in South Africa and I regard myself as one of your biggest fans. I have bought every single book of yours that was published in this country and, though I have loaned out a few, I have kept every one of them as friends. Thank you for your books and thank you for your blog. Your life on Bedlam Farm has touched my heart and lifted my spirits in so many ways. Words fail me. Thank you does not seem good enough. I trust you will know my words come from the heart. Please don’t ever stop blogging and let us know when your would-be book about Gus and Bud is available. I cannot help but think of Rose whenever I see a squirrel in a tree or Orson when I see his Dog Star.
Thanks Karien..
What a beautiful picture of Maria! Her youthful vitality and loveliness reverberate through! Beautiful, beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your decision about book writing. It, you, can inspire others in living life, overcoming disappointments and obstacles, giving hope. Pretty amazing.
I love your blog too
You describe The Path beautifully. Life at root is a spiral, always moving things out and through, taking in new things, constant change even if you don’t notice at any given time.
Or we can be petrified wood, beautiful in its own right but life as a branch that bends is very gratifying.
I loved this. It is a place the mindful person needs to inhabit, esp to age with dignity and grace in a challenging world.
Your books are still on the shelf in our small town library. That’s where I found the first one, and read the rest over the years. The title “Katz on Dogs” intrigued me enough to check it out. I got “Running to the Mountain” next and proceeded to read all your non-fiction books. I reread a few. There are people like me out there rereading your books and finding them on library shelves. Here I am, reading your blog which is a continuation of best part of your books- an authentic journey through an imperfect world, and that we all take it, regardless of what the external circumstances are. Thank you for writing.
Thank you, Monica…
Jon, OMG, what an absolutely beautiful picture of Maria. I know the post is about a momentous decision, and I need to take time to absorb the writing to maybe make a thoughtful comment on that (for what it would be worth), but this was the first thought that came to my mind. She is beautiful, of course, but this shot has haloed her with the eyes of love.
Jon, I have read all your books about animals. The one that impacted me the most was the one about Orsen. I cried at the end and because I was struggling with my own dog problems at that time, I was fully invested in the book. I have read your books and listened to them on audio over 3 times each. I can’t wait for your book on your Bostons to come out as I own two myself. Wonderful little dogs. The blog is great. I read it everyday and have purchased some of the books you recommended. Keep it coming.
I am so very lucky to have read all of your books! Thank you for sharing your stories. I have all your booked lined on my bookshelf, and love to loan them out to people. I’m waiting for my best friends daughter to visit so I can loan her Rose in a storm. Running to the mountain has given me such a gift you will never know. I truly appreciate all you do.
I have enjoyed, read,and re-read all of your books since Running to the Mountain. You are a gifted writer and I am so happy I discovered your blog! I like the comment on your blog being a living book, it truly is. Art takes many forms so keep writing and posting your awesome pictures, your blog inspires and uplifts me and so many others. Blessings to you and Maria.
I just now got to read this and I say only you know what is best for you. I love everything you’ve produced that I’ve read and viewed. Your blog is full of life and I couldn’t say which I like better LOL. Photos, Books, blog – all are equal in my mind. Thank you for carrying on and not giving in to the “too old syndrome “.