Even though I’m not a Christian, my spiritual guide has always been the Trappist Monk Thomas Merton. When I came up to my cabin to spend a year reading Merton’s journals and writing about them, I came across this Easter Sunday passage from 1999.
It captured then and now my hopes and feelings for this holiday of rebirth and renewal, the primary spiritual goals of my life. It was his writing that sparked my move away from what was normal and into the unknown.
His journal entry:
“All the apple trees came out in blossom. Good Friday. It rained and got colder, but today is bright with a pure sky. The willow is full of green. Things are all in, bud.
And in my heart, the most profound peace, Christ’s clarity, lucid and quiet and ever-present as eternity. You come out on top of a plateau in the spiritual life on these big feasts to get a new view of everything. Especially Easter. Easter is like what it will be entering eternity when you suddenly, peacefully, clearly recognize all your mistakes as well as all that you did well: everything falls into place.”
—Thomas Merton, diary entry for Easter Sunday, March 28, 1948, in The Intimae Merton, His Life Through His Journals, edited by Patrick Hart and Jonathan Montaldo (1999)
I always feed the struggle, to be honest, and I do not worship Jesus Christ as the son of god. But he is my teacher too, and his messages have always shaped and guided my life more than the faith I was born into or the religions I have explored.
I saw and felt this plateau standing on a hill overlooking a magnificent mountain, capped by the morning snow. The rest of the mountain, below the peak, was green and brown and blue, down into the valley below.
This almost hypnotized me.
As I get older, I find I keep going back to Christ’s plea from the mount for people to be caring and forgiving and to work on behalf of the poor and the needy. It took me a long time to get around to what he called us; I am no better than anybody else.
But I am no worse, either.
A woman wrote me the other day worried that I might be discouraging people from criticizing me with my often sharp and sometimes intolerant responses to criticism.
I remember both Merton and Thoreau, two inspirational writers in my life, writing about the difference between disagreement and criticism and between constructive guidance and judgment.
“It is cruel and inherently false,” wrote Merton,” to criticize some you do not know or someone who has not asked for your advice. How dare I presume to know what other people should say and do?
Find the people who you can trust to be honest with you and who will offer guidance in the spirit of love and support, not hurt. No one is under any moral obligation to search for or permit, or accept criticism from people they do not know and who do not know them.”
Thoreau wrote: “Be yourself – not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” This was also a Merton idea; he believed the spiritual life was about discovering who you are and accepting it, good or bad. Only you can do that.
Thoreau wrote in Walden that he wasn’t interested in what other people thought of what he was doing; he was interested in what he thought. That, he wrote, was a solitary and personal experience, not a communal one or something for strangers to do.
Thoreau’s friend Emerson was more direct. ” To be yourself in a world constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Amen to that. Honest criticism is the first cousin of love and good faith. We try to correct or guide – or help – the people we care about. We rush to criticize the people we hate or dislike. When we do good, we do so in a gentle and earnest way.
Maria tells me the truth about the dumb and foolish things I do all the time. Her truth can sting and wound. I accept every word of it, even when I disagree because it comes from a place of love. She can say anything to me because she knows me, the best and the worst of me.
Strangers demanding that I listen to them become someone else are not contacting me out of love. How could they be? They have no idea who I am? I owe them nothing. I owe myself the will to be myself in this world.
On Easter Sunday, I think of these things, a day of quiet reflection and hope for me, a day of silence and gratitude.
And a day of rebirth. I believe my revival began with understanding who I am and learning to love myself for who I am. That was perhaps the most challenging project I ever undertook.
I, too, find Easter a plateau in my spiritual life. I felt that acutely looking into Vermont at this mountain. This idea of rebirth has carried me through some dark days; it has always offered me inspiration and encouragement.
It has always spurred me to recognize my continuing mistakes and the many things I have done and do well.
I spent the better part of a year in my tiny cabin at the top of a small mountain near the town we live in now, reading Merton’s private journals before I wrote Running To The Mountain.
They are very different from the Merton I read in his previous books. There is an honesty and self-doubt and searching in them that touched me and helped me come to terms with myself.
I see these writings as the beginning of my rebirth, which is why I think of them on Easter. A happy and meaningful Easter to you.
Couple things:
1. That’s a helluva beautiful photograph.
2. Your “social media defense” is a fallacy wnich you keep repeating as fhe cause of people criticizing you.
3. . “We rush to criticize the people we hate or dislike.” No: there can be many reasons. You have some problem psychlogical in nature. Yourscstill working out toddler issues. You are grandiose and miss subtleties. The woman was right youre too strident and childish in your response. And you vengeful defenses only show you as petty. Before you throw your teengirlishDonald responsive fit, ask what would Jesus say? What would Atticus say? Try it for one week.
4. Youve persuaded me thru your continued behavior, that you are not subtle, you miss subtleties and are grandiose. Which no one ever brlieves. Youre like that Newman guy on Seinfeld.
Casey, I have to thank you. You very clearly illustrate the kind of criticism I don’t listen to, first because you don’t know me, have never spoken to me, and will never meet me, and secondly, there is anger and judgment all over your message. There is no goodwill or intention here.
You are angry with me for criticizing Donald Trump and for disagreeing with you, but don’t have the balls to come out and say it. I am not seeking to persuade you of anything, you are precisely the kind of person I would listen to for long. Where did you get the idea I am needing your approval? You show no sign that you know what I am talking about it and have absolutely nothing thoughtful to say about it. Just the usual social media bile disguised (transparently) as thought. I hope I am not subtle, you don’t deserve it
Your response and Karla’s sum it up – thoughtful discussion and the angry (and political) man who hides behind a distant machine to try to lash out at a stranger. It feels like a gnat buzzing in my ear, but you explained what I meant better than I did. Why on earth would I pay attention to you? Go defend Trump in the open, where we can all see it. I might respect that, this is more like a middle school playground taunt.
Anti Trump actually.
If Thoreau and Emerson were critical of the criticizers what social media were they using… It’s not Social media but your Defense Fallacy
Casey, stop wasting your time and mine, you have nothing to say that I want to hear, or that is useful to me or anyone else. Like so many “critics” on social media, you confuse being snide with being smart.
I can’t speak for you but I have many things I would rather do than trade insults with strangers on Facebook. It doesn’t do anyone any good. Bye.
Another thoughtful post, Jon. The thing I’ve learned about criticism and advice is, when I have given my consent to someone, to kindly and lovingly share a criticism or advice with me, it feels right and I am more apt to hear them. I have surrounded myself with people to whom I have given consent for this, and who have given their consent to me for the same. It’s a checks and balances sort of thing. Unsolicited advice and criticism just plain hurts, or angers, because of the lack of consent – and mostly because the person doesn’t know me or my life. These people around me DO know me and my life, and in my quest to be the best version of myself and to grow, I want and respect their input. You have every right to feel what you feel, stay true to who you are, and write what you want to write. People are free to read it or not. You’ve always been up front about your journey, and how it may not look like others’ journeys. I celebrate and applaud your commitment to the philosophy of “To thine own self be true.”
Nicely put Karla, you intuitively sense motivation. Criticism can be valuable when it comes from a good place, destructive when it comes from a place of judgement and hate.
That’s a beautiful photo. Did you do anything with the colors?
Sandy, I just highlighted the sky, and the photo was taken at a time when snow showers began…the photo was already greenish, but I barely touched it..I meant to do more and then looked at it, and said wow..
Stunning photo!