My experimentation with flower photography is going well.

I only do that with my art photos, and today, I just took regular but not ordinary photos, mainly with the Iphone 13, some with the Leica macro and profile lens. I’ll post some art photos in the morning; I’m on a big resting campaign this weekend. I  find myself having mood swings and sudden bouts of fatigue. If I write any more tonight, the top of my head will come off.

The daily flower photos are essential to me now, grounding, uplifting and nourishing. I can’t imagine life without them.

And I much appreciate the letters I am receiving, more praise than I can ever remember in the long history of the blog. I appreciate it; it means a lot to me. The dream of a place that is safe and uplifting for people is taking shape; we are on the path to being a place that promotes creativity and gentle warmth, just as was suggested to me by a longtime blog reader.

The tension between me and the sometimes hostile world around me seems to be fading.   I feel as if the real person within me is emerging. People keep writing to me, saying I am different from the one who started the blog in 2007. I respectfully have to disagree. We can’t change who we are and become another person; I don’t believe that is either possible or desirable.

(My cameras love the Delphinium.)

I can’t be another person, but I can be a better person who learns, changes, and grows.  I always want to be me.

My problem was not that I am a nasty person. My problem was and is that I have always been frightened, diagnosed with extreme general anxiety, considered a mental illness. I got a lot of help. Help helps.

Right now, I can’t really even imagine getting as angry as I was getting and lashing out as angrily as I was lashing out. It can and did make me crazy. I will always see myself as being in recovery, but I have come very far.

I don’t miss it, not for a second. I feel I’ve turned a corner.

Many things have helped me – Maria, my readers, the farm, the dogs, the animals, the writing, and the photos. I’m working on sending out positive vibrations, and I see that they return with positive vibrations. One feeds the other. I’m trying to embrace what Joan Chittister calls the Radical Spirit, my own commitment to doing good.

A big lesson in life, better late than never. I still love to argue, and I’m not giving that up, but I can’t abide the anger and cruelty, not in me and not outside of me.

So here are six photos I took today in the rain. I hope they have meaning for you, as they did for me. A lot of people tell me they are looking at these photos as they meditate, I can’t tell you how good that is to hear about. It gives me a feeling of purpose and meaning in my life.

I love going to the heart and soul of the flower.  Each one is different; each one vibrates, hums with life, and flirts with me. It’s love both ways. My poor father, what a sissy I’ve become.

My two new rare peonies are gifts that keep on giving, rain or shine.

I’m following the progress of this new peony every day. She’s opening up, even in the rain.

This flower is a horn to me, sending out a blast for love and connection. We all need to have meaning in our loves, and purpose. To have neither is to die the first death, at least for me.