I have been looking for God my whole life, like many people. I have brushed against him, maybe, but never found him. A priest once told me not to worry; he promised that God would find me.
I’m still here, and he is starting to remind me of a good friend I had who moved away one day and never spoke to me again.
(Wet Clothes on the line, mostly fabrics for Maria.)
If that hurt, imagine the sting if God did walk away after we got together.
I’m getting anxious; I’ll be 76 soon, an age I never thought I would reach, and it’s time God and I crossed paths.
Someone posted a message today reminding me that God loves us all; we must take his word for it.
Okay, I said, but it’s time he got busy loving us all. What is he waiting for?
We could use some love. We are losing our empathy and gentleness.
How about him tossing some lighting at the greedy corporations and corrupt governments who keep destroying our planet? Or lighting a fire under the butts of our lazy and corrupted politicians.
I firmly believe in taking responsibility for what I do or don’t do; ought I not expect as much from my God? I think I’ve gotten closer to the Christian idea of God – especially Christ – than any other faith I’ve explored.
But I’m not going forward much these days. I don’t think Christ would be pleased and return to meet many people who call themselves Christians but are only kidding.
I doubt I will reach that finish line as I get older. It’s too complex. The spiritual life is my work, passion, and holy space deep inside me.
My problem with the Reign of God, as it has always been presented to me in paintings, books, and glass windows, is that it looks very different from my world.
People are good in all those beautiful paintings and stained glass renditions of the Kingdom. They have enough to eat, beautiful angels die all around them, life is full of hope and potential, people are not supposed to lie, and our shared goal is to care for people in need and improve ourselves and the world.
That is somewhat close to the Kingdom where I live, if you could call it that. Maria and I are loyal to one another; most people have the basics of life on hand and are grateful for them.
In almost everything I’ve read about the Kingdom of God, the purpose of life is to make the world a better place than we found it when we started. This, too, is something I believe in. This God and I belong together; we have many of the same ideas.
But in our world, it seems the opposite is happening. People don’t trust one another; life is a complicated and stressful struggle; no one is happy unless they get more than they have, and our leaders compete for the support of the most hateful and disconnected. Politics is a competition to see who can bring out the worst in us.
There is no sign of God there.
In our small world at and around Bedlam Farm, people are good, have enough, work hard to honor the creative spark and try hard to leave the world in better shape than we found it. It’s pretty easy to do.
Me and God’s Kingdom are a nearly perfect match. So what is my problem?
I guess the problem for me is that this idea of God and his realm looks utterly different from the world he is said to have created and we have learned to expect.
(The angry sky was gorgeous.)
It is hard to imagine a God making his way through the cruel trials of our time and surviving intact and untarnished.
Imagine what Tucker Carlson, Donald Trump, Leon Musk, Ron DeSantis, and Fox News would do to someone like St. Augustine or Martin Luther King after the FBI leaked those stories about his philandering or Socrates, who confessed that he loved boys.
It seems King, now and forever one of my heroes, loved a little too much.
To me, that takes nothing away from his great work. His love life was his business, not mine. I don’t ask God to be a saint, just to show us the way to the world he wanted to create if he hasn’t run from us and our sad practices for good.
I often wonder if we deserve the world he meant to make.
Compare his lovemaking with the lying, cheating, stealing, hating, treason, and cruelty of many of our leaders today. We seem to be living in a world without shame.
That is not my God’s way.
It is tempting to embrace the Kingdom of God in this world. Was God ever more necessary?
Theologians and the faithful will squeal in protest, but I think I need my God to be accountable for the world since he is said to have created every person and living thing. I should say I never tell other people what to do or who to believe in. It is still a free country, and we must make our own choices.
If there is a God, he must have made us that way.
Who is responsible, if not him (or her?)
I’ll see you in the morning. Those art photos can wait a night. I’ve got the new Colson Whitehead book and want to look at it.
The angry clouds began to disappear for a while; then they came back.
The wash is soaking wet and hanging on the line for tomorrow.
Below is a postscript to my God musings.
I was going to put up some art photos tonight, but I decided to give that – and me – a rest. I’m in the mood to shift gears for tonight, it’s pouring again, and I’m hoping for a brighter tomorrow.
I had an exciting discussion with Eve, who works at our local bookstore, Battenkill Books. We were talking about how to persuade all kinds of skeptical people best that climate change is coming to a home near you if it isn’t there already. It’s here.
I said if I were writing a book about climate change (which I would never do), I would talk to 100 farmers in different parts of the country and ask each if they do or do believe in climate change, and if not, why, and if so, why.
I believe we are at a turning point; as someone who talks to farmers as often as possible. They don’t feel or trust what others tell them but think about what they see with their own eyes.
And climate change is eating them alive all over the country. Fires hurt farms, the smoke hurts farms, too much water, heat hurts farms, and drought hurts farms.
They might want to put a different word on it but believe me, they know what is happening.
I was itching to write about God tonight; the farmers always make me think of that. If you read the Kabbalah, which I do, the magical writer often stirs up the idea of God for me.
In the Kabbalah, God often worries about how his fickle and weak-minded men and women will care about and take care of the earth. The only things you have to fear from me, he tells his people repeatedly, are wasting the creative spark you have been given or failing to take care of his other child, the earth.
He says that if you don’t, I will abandon you, and the world will follow me.
I think the angels will back me up on this, but a part of me says God is showing us that his prophecy is coming true. He is angry about what we are doing to his incredible, even magnificent, creation and is giving us less and less time to fix it.
There is something Biblical about climate. I often think that only a God can do it, and only a guard can stop it. And I think it’s about time, no matter what the believers say.
My real hope and fantasy is that any day now, God, who made us and our beautiful flowers, will step in and show us how it is done.
I hope you get to talk to your pastor friend about this post. I think that it is pretty amazing that like you, God does not tell us what to do, or who to believe in. He has given us a choice, freedom to make our own decisions. We suffer the consequences of those decisions, whether good or bad.
The New Testament does say we are going to destroy the planet. We have done a pretty good job of it already considering the paradise of the Garden of Eden. Our hope is that He also says that He is going to create a new heaven and a new earth.
Interesting thoughts Cindy; thanks…But I should set you straight about Ron. He would never try to tell me what to believe and how to think about God. We have enormous respect for one another and for the fact we have many different beliefs but always try to end up in a place of love. I’m still working on that, he’s there.
Job was a bit frustrated, too – and his friends turned out no smarter than the average bear. Beautiful description and evocation, but I read articles in the NewYorker or Atlantic (?) that some scholars feel strongly that Job’s last chapter was Disney-fied so as not to rock the boat.
You ever see the movie “Noah”, mid ’90s (maybe, more or less)? The studio got the thumbs up from some of the main faiths for whatever that’s worth – Jews, Catholics, Evangelicals, maybe some others. Awful lot of drama, but some very good expressions of the troubles viz man and God, too.
The movie “Second Hand Lions” is a fine piece of fluff with some deep thoughts delivered lightly. “Is it true?”… “Some things we just _should_ believe”.
Cheers,
Rufus
The very first Earth Day was April 22, 1970. We’ve had fifty-four years of scientific knowledge given to us to do something about this. Maybe God has been with us all along and we have taken him for granted, not paid enough attention to his pleading. Now we ask that he fix it. Maybe we have to learn the errors of our ways. I’m just as baffled as you are. My heart hurts over what we have done to this beautiful planet.
Jon, this is one of the most profound pieces I’ve read here so far. I could not agree with you more on all you have written. A neighbour of mine keeps on about me not going to church. Well, in my day, I’ve been head of my church’s ( in the city, I’m in the country now), kindergarten and nursery dept., I’ve been a church usher, I’ve headed up the Christmas pageant and had a close association with my church. But going to church every week is not necessary any longer for me. My spiritual belief lies in my heart. And frankly I think whatever god there may be would be shocked at the way the world is now. Just read Daily Mail if you want a daily dose of pulchritude, sordid information. My feeling on religion: man has bastardized Jesus Christ’s concept of Christianity. The world is a hard place, I’ve studied many ancient cultures at Art College. Humans have to believe in something, to me, as life is hard. But the way of the world now leaves me with a feeling of hypocrisy and disgust. The evil Trumpism of the world today, politicians ‘slamming’ opponents, the only way to succeed in this political world of ours now is to bring the other guy down. I don’t even listen to the news any more. The world to me, if you subscribe to the Bible, has reached Revelations. Good work, Joh, you speak your mind. Now I’ll be interested to see how many people object or agree with this posting.
Climate change: I have made a textile piece on that subject, showing the animals that are said to be suffering in Canada due to Climate change. Whether climate change is real or whether we’ve always been in a changing climate, something is sure going on to change the world we’re living in.
Sandy Small Proudfoot, in Ontario, Canada
Hello again Jon,
It seems to me, judging from your wonderful charity work (and for me, through your lovely writings about your dogs), that you must have already found your personal “God”. Continue to follow “His/Her” directions and you will certainly leave the world a better place.
Respect!
Yes…and in all ways let it be so.
Let it be so…
Jon, it’s comforting to me to be able to relate to others who struggle, as I do, with the idea of God. I don’t want any old ideas or beliefs that were foisted upon me, I want my own. My spiritual path has been quite the ride, most of it unlearning the old dogma by seeking out others on the path, and reading what they read, trying to do what they do, to see if any of it fits for me. I have found few things that I can hold as truths. I read that our earth is an organism of her own, and that she is capable of righting the imbalances that we have caused, and that it will be violent. Climate change is one of them. Pandemics are another. The laws of physics apply – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It’s not personal. And IF there is a God, historically speaking, there is no evidence that He or She or They has ever stepped in to prevent the horrific from happening. It’s up to us humans to get our shit together to fix ourselves, and our earth.
I guess you can tell I work with children and think more simply. God is my parent who created me. With the laws of nature and free will we each determine the life we may live. I think God, like any parent speaks to their child and tries to guide them through the spirit. I believe God/parent smiles with us when we make the right choices and is
happy and cries with us when we make the right choices and is sad when we don’t or are sad or in pain but ultimately it’s up to us to listen. I think God spends a lot of time crying )-; but like any parent doesn’t control the child’s actions. Tough being a parent!
I might have struggled with my relationship with the divine if it wasn’t for a near death experience, a shared death experience , my spiritual practice and study. I believe we each have a unique connection with our creator depending on our beliefs and personal experiences. What i find is a challenge which gets in the way of my connection at times is ego and the skeptic. My studies with Robert Moss have helped me learn how to put the “skeptic brain asleep “ so I can explore and expand into a deeper state and explore what is beyond the limiting world and beliefs we live in, there I can find many of the answers to the questions you posed here. From my near death experiences I have lost all fear of death. An infusion of Love that was so powerful I don’t have words to describe its intensity and guides I met (Angels) who with a blink of an eyelash can destroy or heal any “mess” we have created are here at all times. In my experience no matter how ugly and painful the three dimensional world is, we are here to experience Love in this dimension, to be Love, live and create from Love. During my near death experiences and travels what I experienced is Unconditional Love at its most powerful for me in those moments and countless adventures!
Words are so limiting to try and describe the limitless❤️
May I recommend a book which may help answer some of your questions? “The Reason For God- Belief in an Age of Skepticism” by Tim Keller
Thanks, Becky, I appreciate the thought, but I’m backed up for months with my books and prefer choosing my own. Those are always the ones I end up reading.
Jon. I build model airplanes. The old fashioned kind with balsa and silk that are powered by a rubber band. One of the legends in our hobby was a Brit called David Platt who built masterpieces. Not only were they beautiful but they flew with the grace of a bird. He wrote a monthly column in a periodical called Flying Models that was titled “There Are No Secrets”. In it he detailed the little tricks he had learned throughout his model airplane life.
That story applies here. THERE ARE NO SECRETS. For the most part, as a society, we know what to do. We simply lack the collective will to do so. For me, as I gather, for you also I try to do the best I can when given the opportunity.
“Do your best” is the Cub Scout motto. Let’s leave it at that.
I like to say I do the best I can for as long as I can…thanks for the note Rick, it’s inspiring..
I saw this and thought of you:
I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother and found all three.