For some reason, I’ve been increasingly open to change lately, and I’m making some headway toward being a better human. I am less judgmental, angry, and combative.  My panic attacks are mostly gone. I rarely argue with angry people anymore. I do feel sorry for them instead.

My anger is melting away. I have no taste for nasty arguments.

I still want to defend myself and protect my identity. I’m not looking to be anybody’s doormat, but there is much to learn, and my spiritual direction is becoming clear and accurate.

I always avoided the dollar store, thinking it was cheap and suspicious.  I always thought the more things cost, the better they were likely to be.

I don’t feel that way anymore. Maria can’t believe it when I suggest shopping there, I can’t either. But I like it. A lot.

(P.S. Our food pantry is asking for a can or two of baked beans, which is pretty inexpensive, $20.28 for a pack of 12.)

I’m making real headway on managing our money, something we both decided I needed to do myself.

I have to take responsibility for handling money, something best-selling authors rarely have to do. Welcome to the real world.

Maria and I do work together, but I’m planning now. In just a couple of months, I’ve reduced our monthly payments by five or six hundred dollars without wiping out the pleasures of our lives—healthy food, books, and dinner with friends. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m committed to doing it.

Finally, I shed the snobbery that was so much part of my mother and grandmother. The poorer they were, the snobbier they got.

Maria never spent money on herself, but I always did. I was a big shot for a long time and never needed to worry about money. That has changed, and it’s been good for me, as stressful as it can be.

I’ve never been happy as a big shot or a celebrity; it never felt comfortable to me, even when they made a movie about me (especially then.) It never suited me.

That feels like a distant time; I am becoming the person I want to be. To my surprise, the Dollar Store is a part of that.

A symbol of my change is my new appreciation for the dollar store. I’ve been buying Kleenex, toilet paper, window cleaner, and other household things there and am saving a great deal of money. Today, I purchased a socks package from them for the first time, which cost about one-third as much as the ones I’ve been buying. They are lovely socks, too.

I’ve never bought cheap socks in all of my life. I did today.

I bought disenfectant and tissues, toilet paper, and other household items. And I got to take some photos in this photogenic place.

Maria has been going to the Dollar Store for years and is amazed that I am open to shopping there for socks and tissues.  When I worked in New York, I only wore socks from Brooks Brothers. The Dollar Store is a long way from that. I love the crowded, authentic vibe there.

I am open to it and suddenly love bargains and lowering debt. During this last challenging year, I racked up some debt by necessity and am working hard to pay it off.

I am got a terrific price for Windex; it’s a lot cheaper at the dollar store, which surprises no one but me.  The disinfectant was half the price I usually pay. I don’t know how they do it, but I also don’t care.

 

 

Zinnia came with me just about everywhere and waited patiently outside the dollar store. I took her to the flower shop, where she was very welcome.