I went for a walk this afternoon – walks are so precious to me – and I passed this meadow, on my farm, and I saw this proud and beautiful apple tree alone in the meadow, and I stopped and looked at it for a few minutes, and I thought, hey, this is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
I went out across the road to check on the new sheep in the meadow, and I thought, turning around and looking at our beautiful farm, meadows and pastures, fences and brushogged, the restored and wondrous barns, the spacious farmhouse, I love this farm so much, I will never live in such a beautiful and comfortable space again. I know it, and Maria knows it.
This farmhouse and grounds fits both of us like a glove. Maria has her studio, an upstairs office, the Pig Barn Gallery. We eat on a screened in porch looking down over out beautiful valley. George Forss, visiting the other day, was incredulous that I would even think of leaving such a wonderful place. I write on the porch, have a small office, a guest bedroom for naps of Ipod listening, bathrooms and barnwood family rooms. It will be a wrench to give many of those things up, yet the curious thing is that I have no doubts about giving it up, and neither does Maria.
Bedlam Farm was for another time, a different time. In my work, in the world, in my life. I already love the new place too and haven’t even lived there. I love the idea of Maria and I making our own place, shaping it together. I love the town we are moving near. I know the farm will be sold soon – I can feel it in my bones – and I want to acknowledge the sadness and pull of leaving this home. I don’t want to pretend I won’t feel it, and deeply. I mourn it already. I wrote eight books here and took a million photographs. I can’t go a dozen feet without seeing something to photograph.
For the time in my life, Bedlam Farm was a challenge and paradise and a caution for me, all of those things. It is time for us to move forward, I know that too. But today, looking out at the sheep grazing in their meadow as the sun set, I bowed my head. Let the loss flow through me, I let. Feel it. I needed to tell the farm that I loved it, and value it.
I have to confess to feeling a bit strange when Darryl Kuehne arrived with the sheep today. I saw the ghost of Rose all around me. Had she been here, Darryl would have opened the trailer and she would have jumped in, pushed the sheep out and herded them right through the gate, as she has always done.
She was not here, and it was a bit of a riot, Frieda barking furiously in the yard, the donkeys charging down the hill, the sheep running to hide behind the Pig Barn. It took us awhile and some grain to sort it all out. Herding sheep is almost always a clusterf—, despite what you see on TV and at herding trials. It almost always works out in the end. I forgot to do the planning necessary without Rose: Frieda in her crate, the donkeys in the barn. My bad.
I do miss Rose, and it will be very strange working sheep with another border collie. I’ve never really worked with any other dog, at least not successfully. “Boy,” said Darryl, “it sure was easier with Rose.” It was. I will move on with this great new dog Red, but I will miss her and think of her, and I hope her ghost will run in the fields with us sometimes, for old times sake. I think Red wouldn’t mind.
— Advice and testimonies regarding Red are pouring in and I’m getting a bit edgy about it, which I should get over. I don’t like being grumpy, it is no appealing to me, although this issue has come up before. One person urged me to talk with Red and explain Karen’s absence to him. I said I don’t explain things to dogs in words they don’t understand. They are not nervous children. Another person said she would talk to an animal communicator at this point for advice and insights into Red. There is nothing wrong with these people or their opinions, and there is nothing wrong with sharing them. I do think there is a tendency to see all interactions and changes in the animal world – Rocky, illness, moves – as crises and dramas needing extraordinary intervention. I hope not, and I do not expect that.
Border collies with sheep do not pine away for their former homes, as Karen Thompson would be the first one to admit. Border collies with sheep out their back doors settle in very quickly. Border collies with sheep, Maria cuddling them, me driving them all over creation in cars and ATV’s, bringing them everywhere, photographing them, taking them for a dozen walks a day and frequent visits to the pasture do not often need to hear verbal explanations about separation or tell me what they are feeling via a communicator (and I respect and appreciate communicators.) I’m going with this game plan: it will be great, I have my own good and tested methods of training dogs like this, learned in blood and the hard way, and I expect it will work. If I have trouble, I will be on the phone to Karen and anybody else for guidance.
I will share the experience either way, honestly and fully.
When I came to Bedlam Farm, about 30 Tunis sheep arrived with me. Rose loved working with them, and we had many exciting lambing and herding adventures. I wrote “The Dogs Of Bedlam Farm” about that winter. I wasn’t taking photos then, and sheep were always my least favorite animals. Before the camera and Ipad, and Iphone, herding was peaceful, very calming,and I might try doing it that way again. Although I will surely photograph these animals.
Maria is ready to love some sheep – these are hers and she plans to sell Bedlam Farm yarn – and I think she will be very happy to get to know them. They are something new to photograph, and I like that. I am going to try to be more open to sheep this time. I am excited to be working with them with Red, as he can teach me much, and this may also deepen and enrich this experience. An exciting week here. Sheep. Library talk in Stony Creek Wednesday. Hubbard Hall Writer’s Workshop on Thursday. Red coming next weekend. Farewell Pig Barn Art Gallery Show June 23-24. Somewhere in there, we will sell Bedlam Farm and move to the New Bedlam Farm. Enough for one summer maybe.
Three of Maria’s six wool sheep have arrived – black Border Leicesters, and we have six more across the road in the meadow, Darryl Kuehne’s sheep boarding for the summer, eating our lush grass. There was a neat meet and greet with the donkeys – the sheep seemed very comfortable around them, and Maria has already bonded with the older ewe. It is nice having sheep here again. Red arrives next weekend and he will be delighted to have work to do.
Maria is very happy to have sheep. I always get nervous when more animals arrive, but these are calm and easy creatures, and I think she will loving selling Bedlam Farm yarn. They are coming to the new farm, as is the rest of the crew. Photo album on Facebook.
