I look at being sick this way.

It doesn’t feel good, but I feel unusually free to rest, I get to crawl into bed with one or two dogs lying by my side, read a good book, be lovingly cared for and then look forward to feeling better and appreciate my energy, work, life and health.

I never do old talk, young people get sick as well as older people, life is what you make of it. I see it does take me longer to bounce back these days, and this bout with pneumonia was the sickest I think I have ever felt. I have two chronic conditions that arouse care providers, diabetes and heart disease.

I couldn’t blow it off, but I couldn’t ignore it either. I ended up making three visits to my health center.

I am wary of going to see them, because somebody almost always suggests rushing to the hospital. Chronic diseases make them nervous.

Pneumonia does not blend well with either. My coughing fits were so severe I thought of heading to the hospital myself one night, it was hard to breathe and there was great pain. Fortunately, I have a wonderful nurse-practitioner named Karen Bruce (she caught the pneumonia right away, she said I looked like a corpse) listened to my lungs and put me on steroids, antibiotics and some kick-ass cough medicine that could fuel a rocket.

Maria is a wonderful caretaker for about one day, then gets restless and grumpy as she should – she belongs in her studio making art, and when she is cooking or doing dishes instead, she is no fun as a caretaker. (But she still does it, and that is true grace.)

I’ve never felt so weak.

Today, things have  begun to turn around. The nasty bio-storm is gone, the sun is coming out, I am getting my strength back, and good things are happening. Maria showed me two wonderful new creations, a pillow and a hanging piece, smiling from ear to ear. She didn’t skip much work after all.

We got our tax news, and for the first time in our lives together, we owe nothing, we get a small refund that will be applied to next year’s taxes. Our accountant does not let us keep refunds.

This is a matter of the greatest personal pride and achievement for me. One of my great remaining goals in life is to manage money well and thoughtfully. Four years ago, we declared bankruptcy, and it is a rare week when some Internet warrior doesn’t send me a message calling me a spendthrift and a fraud.

Some people are nice, some people are not, but we all have a right to be who we wish to be. Empathy, my highest aspiration, is my great aspiration.

I never learned about money when I was a kid, and I fled from it my whole life. Bankruptcy will get your attention, those people who think it evades trouble have never done it. It is a world of trouble and hard work.

The Great Recession and the collapse of book publishing and the attendant Real Estate Crash ate us alive. We have come through it. We both hated owing money, we hated not being able to pay all of our bills on time.  it was a hard time for us.

But bankruptcy is no picnic, and Maria and I have worked hard to pay off our debts, deal with lawyers and accountants, fight furiously and successfully to save our house, which we did by a whisker.

I had always farmed money management off to others, mostly my first wife. The first tax forms I ever even looked at were about six years ago, after my divorce. I was in shock, and promptly cracked up.

I’m on it now, and I like it. I like to know what I have and to plan ahead, it turns out I’m not bad at it. I check on every bill and every bank account every single day. Sometimes, fear is useful.

I vowed that I would learn about money and how to manage it, and so did Maria, and this year we worked hard and long to plan ahead, save for taxes, watch expenses and live thoughtfully. So we are both proud of this year’s tax result. Maybe I can even figure out how out to save some.

Today, I am optimistic enough to have donated the first $500 to the new fund to send the RISSE soccer team to the Powell House Quaker Retreat in Chatham, N.Y., in May.

Ali and i plan to bring the kids out to the Powell House next Sunday so they can check it out before going there.

I asked for  help from my readers and the Army of Good, and the contributions are coming in steadily, more than $1,000 so far. I need asking for $700-$800 more, but I am confident enough to go ahead and reserve the date, and send a deposit. The weekend will cost $2,100 for ten kids, two adults, food and board and two counselors who work with kids in need.

I have a lot of insurance and other forms to fill out. I’m mailing off the deposit today.

Life is never a straight line, never one thing or another, ever all good and serene. Light follows darkness, health can follow sickness, strength follows weakness, suffering is followed by relief. I am getting stronger every day and happily responsible for my own life.

I keep my own mind, make my own decisions, listen to others, follow my heart,I  always follow my heart.

So this is a good day for me, I am knocking down my pneumonia, I am stronger than it and wiser, I haven’t coughed for two hours, I have no fever,  I love the photos I took in the storm in the midst of my pneumonia, they reflected my feelings somehow.

So I am singing my song, and the birds will shake their heads at my creaky voice. I am delighted that we will be able to send the RISSE kids – very brave  and loving young people – to the Powell House and continue the process of finding out who they are and living their lives. This youth retreat will  help.