In 24 hours, I’ve received approximately $1,400 in donations online and as of Saturday afternoon $1,000 in commitments for checks that are on the way. I think that’s close enough to call a success, we will definitely have enough money to send the soccer kids or anyone else RISSE wishes to add and two teachers to the Powell House Youth Program in May.

This gives me incomparable joy.

My guess is the money sent will surpass the $2,100 we need by several hundred dollars, perhaps more.The Army Of Good moves quickly.

If that’s okay with the donors, I’ll put it into the refugee account, we can sure use it for the after school program. RISSE also desperately needs a new van, but that is a subject for the future. I’m suggesting a gofundme project, let the wider world join in.

If anyone would like a refund for any reason, I’ll be happy to provide one, you can e-mail me at [email protected].

Otherwise I’ll put the donations to good use for the refugees and immigrants, they need many things. And I will share these things with you, as always.

I’ll post the totals when I know what they are.

I’m not trying to pat myself on the back (well, yes I am), but my accountants and bookkeeper are shocked at my ability to juggle these donations and account for and document each one of them. They said the taxes were simple to calculate. I was very proud. Anne Dambrowski, our patient bookkeeper, says she has never seen me so sane and focused.

Every penny of every donation goes into what i call the Children’s Refugee Fund, which serves both the Mansion and the refugee and immigrant  support.

I am not known in my life for keeping detailed accounts of money, but this work has galvanized me.

My account is scrutinized monthly by Anne, an  experienced bookkeeper,  and a certified account in New York, everything I get or spend or purchase is documented by photographs and words on the blog and receipts for every expenditure.

The refugee/Mansion accounts are completely separate from my personal accounts, your trust is a great honor for me. The Army of Good is a precious gathering of compassion in a world that can be harsh.

I am very focused on seeing your money goes precisely where it is supposed to go, and this support is just getting started. We are figuring it out,  building and growing this project every day, while keeping our focus small and under control.

The Army Of Good work is sacred to me, but I don’t want it to balloon beyond our control or understanding of the work. I don’t wish to get bigger or incorporate as a non-profit. Nor do I wish our work to become bloated and expensive and a great strain.

I also wish to keep our independence, no one is telling us what to do.

Every donation, every gift or project is carefully considered, and I am mindful we are not a band of billionaires. We are not even a band of millionaires, none of us are headed to Washington. Every penny counts, and we are  small-donation Army.

I never expected to be able to do anything like this, and am proud that I can.

A decade ago, when I broke down, I got help and made some promises to myself.

First, I promised to find love, I did not want to end my love in a loveless way.

Then, I promised focus my work on my blog and photography, and make a painful turn away from being a book author exclusively. That was a good promise, it is coming true. My blog is the heart of my creative life and is growing steadily.

I promised myself that I would live an open and authentic life, as awkward as that sometimes is.

In 2016, when the country seemed so shocked by the election, I promised to find ways to do good, stay grounded, and avoid the bile and argument that has split the country so  badly. So far, so good. I have never felt better or happier.

I also promised that I would get past my lifelong confusion with and anxiety about money.

On a personal note, the work with my own finances and the need to manage other people’s money carefully and responsibly has made that goal come true. I won’t be lax about it, there is a lot of work involved, and I will keep it working smoothly.

i hate asking for money, but it is central to this work. I wish I was a millionaire, money does a lot of good,  but then, I wouldn’t be one for long.

I want to keep working on these goals, but I am also adding another to new goal to my life. I expect to live a good long while, I am living a full and good life and despite my chronic diseases, I am in good shape. My heart is strong, my diabetes under tight control.

But I am 17 years older than Maria and because of my divorce and other troubles, I do not have much money in the bank to leave behind if I should die sooner than she does, which is very likely. She has, over the last few years, built up her art career steadily, and I have no doubt she can take care of herself.

Maria argues strongly that this is not necessary, she would rather we do things together while we both are alive than after I am gone, or she is gone. She can take care of herself. I know that, and accept it. But I can help, and should leave something behind more than dogs, donkeys, chickens and barn cats. Farms are expensive and challenging to run, especially alone.

Her art comes first, at least to me.

It is not a sexist thing for me to feel a moral obligation to try to leave enough money behind so that she will have a chance to keep her art work vibrant and have some time to organize her life differently, if that becomes necessary. I haven’t been able to do that. I intend to do that.

I’m starting a regular savings plan to build up our IRA’s and savings, I want to leave the world knowing it is there. I did have open heart surgery and I do have diabetes. I don’t care to be morbid, but I do wish to see the world clearly. I’m done hiding and fooling myself. This is source of disagreement between us, but I feel it strongly.

The creative life is a scramble, and it is not my intent to alter that. Maria is living the life she wants to lead. She is  a strong and skilled person, she will have a great and rewarding career as an artist. I’d love to be of some help.

It’s good to have goals, they have served me well.

My other goal is to deepen and continue my work at the Mansion and with the refugees and immigrants. The more I do, the better I’m getting.

The need will be great, even beyond our current nightmare, and I am really beginning to learn what is useful and important. I want to fill the holes in their lives, not take them over or rescue them, or try to make their lives perfect. I want to stay humble, and do what we know we can do.

My focus on goals has made me stronger, more confident, less fearful. The fates willing, I will accomplish these new tasks, a powerful incentive to stay healthy and work hard.

We are in a good place with this work, this Army Of Good, on a good track, and I will stay focused on my goals. Who knows, in my new mindset I might actually make a good investment one day.

And I thank all of you who are supporting these refugee children, sending them on this valuable retreat and giving them the chance to talk openly about their lives and their hopes and fears.  And get some help.

Ali and I will not know what they say on that retreat, but I have the strongest feeling it will strengthen their difficult lives.